Can one marry again after losing wife?

At this point, u sh'd let things go. No point being impulsive. Even for a mom. it's extremely tiring to bring up a child ,that too twins . I had seen a couple of my friends leaving one of their twin in their mom's place until they're ready to go to pre-school [ say until they're 2 years old]. Please don't take sides. U'r SIL is donning a wonderful role of tending and caring the baby. Without her all of u , including y'r mom , will be handicapped.U don't want to hamper the comforts of y'r kids, i guess.

This phase is extremely difficult to get thru', but is definitely doable. Y'r kids are y'r strengths now. U sh'd forget the pain , but how. Constantly try to fill y'r thoughts with their smiles, plays, and smartness . In order to bond with y'r kids, u need to be vocal. Perhaps, talk to them repeatedly, sing , play ,and of course, physically bond with them. By 1year of age, u can introduce them to puzzles - big ones. They would love them and would be eager to learn more. Next, introduce them to tricycling. They would enjoy this even more. As u do, u'll realise that this phase is passing , and even before u realise, it would've passed.Each one's problem is unique. One's own problems are given, perhaps by fate / karma / whatever u wish to call, according to their ability to withstand and face life.

Yes, as u concentrate on doing this, they 'll look forward to y'r forthcomings and would want to be with u. Then , moving them to b'lore and starting to have them with u will become a breeze. One burden gone. U sh'd always be wary of their health as they grow.
Anyways, it's v. much doable, b'cos i see y'r commitment to give them so much love and affection. At this point, don't even think about another marriage, if u're not interested. Concentrate only on y'r goals - u need to take y'r girls with u , perhaps, by 2 or 2.5 , and u sh'd be able to handle them with a nanny or a daycare setup. Wish u good luck!

 

Deepak,

I just wanted to write whatever I feel from your post.There is always differences between MIL-DIL no matter what.How good they are.

You are simply getting upset on your SIL.Don't do that.Because she is doing great job and no one possible could do that.So don't get upset on things which in runs in family.Even kids were not there,they will be having some issues.With kids,even wife and husband will have difference of openion.

How come MIL-DIL can unite on your kids??It's no way possible.So don't get mad on your SIL.Each person will have some kind of immaturity and on bad days things will turn that way.So don't change your mood based on tantrums in the house.

I wish you could something for your father.Does any outside help will work like Rehabilitation center????

If I were,even though SIL would do mistakes,I would never ask because the amount she is helping you and it's not easy raising a small kid.So don't loose sanity on any member of your family.Because you need everyone's help.

 

Deepak, let me try putting it another way. Memories do fade away. It happens when you start accepting the fact that Indu is not in his world anymore. Listen to me, I am not attempting to hurt you. You have been receiving sk many heartfelt wishes and gentle reminders to move on. Let me Try and be frank an make an attempt. You have to tart trying to let go.
You said you read many books. Have you had a chance to read, Kubler Ross's, On Death and Dying? It helped me when I was facing a personal tragedy of my own. Memories will fade, but you have to go through some stages and get to cross all 5 stages of grief and finally reach the acceptance stage. It's not going to happen today, tomorrow or the next year but it will happen. A day will come when you will say, "it has happened already. I can't change it. I might as well make the most of my life and live the life fullest, on behalf on Indu too".

You said you believe in reincarnation. Good; I do too. Do you know the concept behind it though? For Indu to take rebirth, she(rather her soul) has to let go of her previous birth. Do you think she will be able to take rebirth, knowing that you are sinking deeper? Don't answer me, think and answer yourself. If the roles are reversed, what would you have wanted Indu to do?
Usually I try and place myself as a third person o get some answers. See if that works.
And most importantly, did you consider seeking help? There nothing to be ashamed of. When I was going through immense grief, talking to someone helped me a lot. Just suggesting because it helped me. There is nothing wrong in moarning; you have every right to, given the circumstance. However remember that you have 2 lil ones back home who will start looking up to you. Pull yourself together, make an attempt at the healing process, seek help and try...try to give a thought to what I said. Believ me, I do not mean to hurt you or disrespect you.

Now the situation at home: these quarells are bound to happen between mom and SIL. It is but natural. The only solution is you staying near kids. If it means that you have to relocate to Chennai, be prepare for dads tantrums and go. If not, look for a full time nanny; go research about agencies who provide one and bring them.
Weigh the pros and cons. You are the best judge here as to what's best for kids. Trust me, I have seen single dads here and it's doable. It's difficult but doable.

You seriously don't have to marry only for kids. It's far more easier said than done. I know...hugs to you. I wish I could do more than just talk.
See If can hire someone for 6 months and bring home your kids. If you think its doable, great! If not, don't extend the contract. Go to chennai. Remember 'beggars can't be choosers'. Have to put up with dad if B'lore thing doesn't work.

Don't be mad at SIL. She is doing a phenomenal job. Next time, give a small gift of appreciation and suggest gently that your mom will never ever do any harm to the younger kid; just like she will never harm the older kid. SIL is smart, she will get it.

Had to rush through my post; dd is a little sick. I wish you all the best. Hope none of what I said offended you. Only have my best of intentions. Hugs.

P.s: always keep in mind what's best for kids; you will find the answers. Indu is in my prayers.

 

Just had to add one more thing, try and be close to kids. Oh they are a joy! I am sure you will agree. You don't want to miss their childhood. If it means leaving the home where Indu and you lived, so be it. It's very hard. But try and judge the situation: is it fair to let life go by, let the childhood pass in the hopes of living in past?

 

Deepak, I am so happy to hear you are considering marriage.....I am sure Indu is happy to hear this too....

 

hello indudeepak's husband,

firstly, i would like to sincerely offer my condolences on the demise of your loving wife. and I really pray that her soul should rest in peace..

only now I happened to read your first post which you made way long back, but I could not go further to read your remaining posts...its very tragic for this to happen to you...and it was really nice of you to come back through the same forum that your wife was a fan of.

your 2 little princesses are very cute....

i am sorry but i have not read any of your further updates...but after seeing your 2 cute kids...it just striked me that although no one can replace your wife.....i seriously felt she has come back as double dhamaka in the form of twin girls...so u can see more of her daily....

i can only pray that God gives you all the strength & willpower to pull along well in life with your two cute angels.....in whatever way you choose to move on.....

 

Kids look cute and well taken care. I think both your mom and SIL are doing great job. If your afraid of your SIL taking away the kid then may be after the kids turn one you can take your parents and kids with you and hire nanny as others said that way both the kids get close to each other and will also know fathers love. Someday if you SIL concieves she may not show the same love which she is showing now towards the kid.So dont delay take them with you. Good that you considered marriage,carefully choose a person who is not selfish and can show motherly love towards the kids.I pray your hard phase ends soon.