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Can I Live Alone Happily Ever After

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Happygirl6, Jan 12, 2019.

  1. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    Acceptance of remarriages arising from divorce doesnt mean divorced women are treated without judgement when they are in the phase when they arent considering remarriage. We have come a long way from direct taunts and insults but subtle ways of belittling still exist. Many rituals involve only married women, divorced women are still subject to gossip, their parents still battle stigma and unwanted comments and then till they remarry, their lives arent considered complete. Lets not pretend that we have evolved enough to treat divorce in a mature way. I read a quote by gandhi that a society should be judged by how it treats its most vulnerable. And when a person is going through the worst phase of their lives, even small hurts magnify. We are a marriage obsessed society so remarriage is not a big breakthrough.
     
  2. harithab

    harithab Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Happygirl,

    I am sorry that U are in a really sad and hard situation. But the present phase is not the end.
    You are still young and life is not over at this point. Long way to go sister.
    Its good to come out of a space of too much mental stress than getting tangled day by day !
    Be positive, think positive, it may not be easy as said - but is never Impossible.
    Be your own companion.
    May God bless you with lots of happiness, success and new plans in this new year.



     
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  3. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Very true. Indian society has not evolved yet.
     
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  4. Novalis

    Novalis Gold IL'ite

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    Nah, no alienating stigma in urban commoners. Not because the self-adjusting public has enthusiastically incorporated divorce as merely the resetting of relational status with the prevalence in breakup of unsustainable relationships due to soft reasons (like: incompatibility or monotony) or hard reasons (like: fraud and brutality), but because our networked modernity insists on civil engagement in personal foregatherings and corporate fellowship that any (open) discrimination is condemned as oddity.

    Behind the four walls, interpersonal prejudices may prevail in every community. But, beyond the four walls, even the bloodshot conservatives pretend to be open-minded as they don’t want to be isolated from the contemporary mores. We live in upscale times! Therefore, even the disingenuous traditionalists are grudgingly forced to enact a veneer of reformative affectation in public to reflect this bridging ethos.

    Don’t worry. Keep yourself aligned to the progressive elements of the society for everyday interaction if you wish to be unprovoked over your relationship status yet made to feel inclusive of your forthcoming personality — people interacting with you for who you are and not who you are with.

    Whilst the aged generation lament the decay of virtue and morality in conjugal relationships, and the aging generation are conflicted with the rise of autonomy over obedience towards the previous generation in reevaluating their partner, the future generation might regard divorce as only a certified breakup in living setup with no downshift implication similar to the civil breakup in dating today with no erosion of personal values. We have progressed much from that aged, aging to nearly future.


    Third cent: I usually advise recently single friends (from: breakup, divorce) prospecting new relationships assuredly later to be mindful of that ‘single status’ when life has given them further opportunity to discover and accomplish in their regained singlehood from that of the original single status. This is a fantastic and unburdened opportunity for you to work on your personal grooming (and growth) because the type of man/knight you would attract regardless who-sought-whom in near-future depends to a whopping extent on how you have uplifted yourself in the intervening period and edged upward to stumble upon a man of higher smarts, calibre and sensibility to that of an indistinguishable and repetitive suitor you might attract today.

    Good luck.
     
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2019
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  5. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    I stand by my point, just like any other societies we have our ups n downs too.
    I have witnessed judgements / relationship shaming from some westerners n no judgement from some Indians as well. No communities are made only of saints or evil, it’s always mixed.

    When people are away from India, in most cases, they are away from parents, siblings, family, relatives, known people or any one that cares about their well being in general, n in the new country, many are not as connected socially, so there are less people who knows us or even cares for us. So no one is gona bother about us, thus no one cares whether we are single, married, divorced, etc. But when we live among people that knows / cares for us, they may ask about all these, some may even try to guide or help. Some may understand n some may not. Some will support n some will criticise. No two people are alike n each ones take will be different from others, right..? Similarly every society holds its own good, bad, pretty n ugly too.

    I am not disagreeing that this society still has many, many challenges but similarly it has many, many supporting pillars too.

    Just like how it’s not right to say “ ‘ALL’ men are bad” , it’s not right to say the same thing about a ‘whole country’.
     
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  6. Novalis

    Novalis Gold IL'ite

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    To add:

    I am non-religious, fidgety heretic, sore anarchic, anti-cliched, freaky conversationalist. That’s how I define my behavioural portfolio. I insist that my minuscule chances of finding a suitable man are less than my shrunk chances of sighting a blue-skinned endangered salamander. Yet, time and again I am bowled over by these salamander-outlier men who match my intrigue and aspiration in entangled contention of crossing paths in unusual circumstances. I have parting reckoning — never going to find another witty and discerning tomfool — the cherished best, and then my ever upbeat and suspenseful life is jolted on meeting another better over the former best. How am I to explain this even that when life has lured you into the then best, yet you push yourself ahead, you will again find something better. This isn’t a hope, insight or affirmation from a stranger to trick you but just a head wag that you will be more than alright and meet more than best in succession as long as you cheerfully move forward in life. Believe in your dreams and whichever man and family life you wish for yourself. Don’t turn your back on your rightful match. Good luck.
     
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2019
  7. senorita2019

    senorita2019 Gold IL'ite

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    I agree with @Shreema86 Indian society taunts the divorced people in a subtle way.

    After 14 yrs of bad marriage, I came out and got divorced and living on my own for past 1 year. I have never lived alone my life, that too in an alien country. Thank God I am in US and New Jersey where there is a huge desi single group which organizes events each week like hiking, temple visits, bowling, potlucks, clubbing, concerts etc, I made so many friends who are in same boat and having the time of my life.

    You are just 29, search for desi single meetup groups in your area and enjoy. After divorce try dating (thats another ocean to navigate but thats for another time :)). You will have your soulmate, children, happy family, lovely life and peace of mind. Hope you find a partner that truly loves and cares about you. There are many decent and good men, dont lose heart dear.

    Everything happens for a reason, you are supposed to learn some life lessons which will help you with your next spouse. be strong. Your ex will know your value after the divorce, marrying a girl and dumping her is going to haunt him always.
     

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