Can I Get A Good Partner At The Age Of 35-37?

Pruthvee , you have been through a lot indeed. And there isnt any thing unreasonable about what you are looking for. Are you fully out of your trauma? Have you gotten some counselling to heal yourself? You should.

I'm sure you know life is not all about Facebook status updates etc. Perhaps you need to go offline for a while until you have found your balance so that your focus can be on the right things.

Any human being Imo is a work in progress - you have a lot a negative ships to say about yourself. How cam you feel good about the person that you are? Can you be committed to turning things around? Eating heathly, regular exercise, enrolling yourself in some hobby classes, even grooming yourself and dressing well.

Point is this - you have certain expectations from a partner. The sort of person you are looking for will also have expectations from their future partner. Think about how you can stop dwelling in the past and move forward - there's no point taking about the past and the lousy hand you'd been dealt. The only thing that matters is what can you do now? And how? Counselling will help, I think.

Additionally, is higher studies an option? Or a job abroad once you feel better about yourself? Society us much kinder abroad than in India to women who are divorced. Perhaps it's something to think about

 

I cant predict what your chances are as each person's options are based on what they have to offer. I am newly single post 35, and it seems there are some options...even if there are not many. But we have to create options by ourselves...ie by improving our appearance, our attitude, networking in social events, developing new friends, expanding social circle and generally coming across as an interesting and happy person that might interest others.

I know of a woman (never married) who is only 27 but has no matches from her target demographic coming her way despite being educated, intelligent, rich and well connected. The real reason which few dare to tell her directly is that she needs to improve her appearance. I also know of a woman who found her partner in her late 30s after 2 divorces. She was smart and not exactly born with stunning looks but she groomed herself so well, in both apperance and personality, that she was quite a catch.

So let me ask you - what do you have to offer or what are your best attributes ? Are they in sync with what your target demographic wants ? If yes, then i would say that do your best to network, travel, be seen, have a healthy positive attitude and wait patiently ...there is a very good chance it will click. But if there is room for improvement - fix that while also doing all of the above.

Lastly there is zero use in looking back in regret. Instead use your regret to maximise your time NOW !! Get moving.

 

Not to make you panic, but as an added incentive to make up for lost time - if you are serious about having children (with the man you marry) then make sure you find a man before you turn 38 because fertility takes a nose dive after that. Many women mistakenly think they have until their 40s to have a child esp when famous celebrities routinely make the headlines for having kids after 40. There is a lot we dont know about how they ended up having that kid(s) - ivf is a given but also thru a egg donor program, effectively making the child not their biological one either.

So hurry up, be an active participant in the dating game and stop wondering if you are going to find someone or not. Think of yourself as a product (yes i am being deafly practical) and try to be the best version of yourself as you go about the man hunt.

 

I thought #3 came across as a Marketing Mix* advice... and #4 confirmed it. Nice messages.

*Marketing Mix = the masala(mix) of factors that a seller can put together so that the consumers would be keen to buy that whatever.

 

It is the cold hard truth. People in general act with a sense of urgency when they realize what is at stake. In this case it is her dream of having a husband and kids to complete a family. Man or woman, fertility is a gift in itself and can be counted as an invaluable asset when one is searching for partners (assuming the person wants children themselves). When such a gift is wasted on the wrong partner who has no desire/appreciation for that gift or when women themselves dont realize how fleeting such a gift is, women lose precious time & may even become unviable options for their dream guy/girl who desires biological kids.

We can all wax eloquent and poetic about how looks, money and even sometimes fertility are superficial aspects in the quest for true love. But reality catches up with such dreamers quickly.

 

I don't want to seem like I'm veering off of the subject of marriage and such, but from the way you describe yourself and what you want in your life, I think you need to focus on making yourself happy - physically and emotionally. You feel like you are overweight and unattractive, then you need to fix that and take care of yourself, by working out and eating right and dressing well. You feel like you wasted time, then STOP, make a list of what you want to achieve, choose what is feasible now, and do it. Don't let yourself live in fear that you can't change your life.

Also, don't compare your life to the pictures on facebook or social media. It's not ALL roses and sweetness there, either. Make yourself the best version of yourself and let there be happiness inside you, and then I'm sure you'll find a good match (even if it might not be the type of match you expected).

I know you are lonely. Have you ever considered the site MeetUp? There are social groups or interest groups that you can join so that you can mingle with people that have common interests/situations. You can find a singles at 35 group locally, and network. I hardly think you should try to meet potential spouses at work, since you don't need that type of attention going around. Instead, try creating a new social circle.

 

No it's not too late. I can give you my perspective on this . Law of attraction is not a theory , it's the truth . We attract what we feel we deserve deep within . If you have a low self esteem you attract people who treat you badly or neglect you . Op, in my whole life even I have never got any male attention , even in my marriage I haven't been treated with any special attention . And I am a reasonably good looking , so please remove this notion that being physically attractive is the only factor . After so many years of asking why me , I have realised now that I what I lacked was self love . If I don't love myself how can anyone else love me . So I am doing mirror work now , telling myself everyday that I will love and take care of myself . Your words that you are a common person who is unattractive , please don't say that to yourself or anyone again . Tell yourself that you are special and attractive . Our mind can't differentiate between tangible and untangible reality . If you keep telling yourself something your mind will eventually start to believe it.

If having biological kids is a priority Freeze your eggs if you can afford it . As you age egg quality reduces but your uterus is still healthy till you are 50 .if you are open to adoption then you can start by reading books on it .

Be open to who can be your potential life partner . No one has found what is the winning formula for two people to click together . Try matrimonial sites and see whom you find . There might be a person in some corner of the world who is also searching for someone like you.

" everything will be ok in the end , if it's not ok, it's not the end "~~

 

This is good advice. Something you can do right now (or in the very near future), an option that closes no doors, but keeps one open.
Good Luck!

 

I will not say I am sorry for your divorce, because you did the right thing not being in an unhappy and bad marriage.
Let me start with this-- They say "where there is a will, there is a way" and "God helps those who help themselves"
Sounding too realistic and maybe harsh, it is tough to be positive about getting a life partner of our or around age but definitely not impossible.. you want to have a life partner below 40, there are more chances he will be divorced/widowed, more chances he will have a kid..try to accept it a fact because if you go start looking for someone unmarried in late thirties without kids, you may not find one...I am strictly talking about Indian men..
For the next 6 months, give yourself a makeover- emotional and physical.
Firstly, behave and think as if you do not care if you got a man or not..start enjoying life, some people love to have a single status but are trapped in unhappy marriages..jot down all the positive things in you, about your looks, something should be good, God gave some special thing to everyone, like eyes/lips/hair/neck/find any part of your body which is good make it sexier....losing weight should go hand in hand but overweight women are also sexy....Confidence about your body itself will give your personality a boost....you seem to be too obsessed with the fact that you have not done anything great in life..HEY! You are working earning a salary and have a life experience with you...spend your salary on joining some clubs/go for solo travels like book travel packages..click selfies and post on social media....try to maximize your net of finding life partner, you never know whom you meet where.....but do it in a way that you are enjoying your life so that you shed positivism everywhere...

its not your mistake that you got a crappy partner......you and your relatives are making it worse by repeatedly putting this thing in your head that you are old and not good enough to get a good partner...this thought needs to be out of your head and mind...

Lastly I would say that marriage is a series of compromises, you will not everything in the partner, you need to make a list of 3 MUST HAVE things in your partner that you cannot compromise on , like maybe good education, maybe he should not have a baggage of in laws, he himself maybe more social, friendly and more outgoing....there are some guys at this age who may have come out of parents shell and really looking for a partner for themselves, younger man are more inclined to find a partner who is compatible with their parents so that their life is easy.....think if some of the other things like having someone else's kid, age in early forties, looks -how they fit into your parameter..Just my opinion please dont feel bad, if you take care of a kid who is not yours, kids father will naturally find you more attractive, emotionally, he is relieved to get a mom for his kid..and definitely you can have expect to have your own baby for next few years....I am not sure where you are in India or USA, but you can straightaway go and freeze your eggs to be on the safer side, that will speed up things when you are married and want to use your younger eggs....

Good luck and take care!