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Can financial strains impact a marriage?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by lilypad, Jan 9, 2014.

  1. lilypad

    lilypad Silver IL'ite

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    Hi There,


    I would like to sound you out and get your opinions on a choice that my husband and I are facing.


    My husband and I , have been together for over 4 years, and married six months ago. We have a great relationship, and are generally able to sort out all our issues in rational discussions.


    We both have masters degrees. Upto a couple of years ago, I was earning very well, but 2 years ago I made a conscious decision to step back , due to serious health issues, and since then my career preferences have been towards fullfilling but less stressful and therefore lower paying jobs. My husband , however , earns extremely well.


    Now, my husband would like to change his field into a completely new track, where all his past experience is irrelevant, where he may have to do a Phd and of course whether he is successful or not remains to be seen.
    He believes this is his true calling and will make him happy. I support him fully.

    But, of course , the salaries are going to be much much lower , it means major compromises on our lifestyle , comforts we have always taken for granted, our savings, our future plans , plan for family (we are 32) will have to be put on hold for a few years atleast.
    Once again, I want to reiterate I support him fully and believe that as long as we have enough to live on and we have each other , these things wont matter.


    But our respective families ,and some friends, of course , are a completely different matter. They are telling us that this will impact our relationship and marriage , that the financial strains will be too much, that if he doesnt succeed, he cannot get back into his old job, that we are too old for this, that we should think about starting a family.


    Or that at the very least I should look at taking up higher paying jobs, in the financial sector. This is a possibility , but I really dont want to. I love my current job , I am motivated , have a work-life balance, friends, good environment.


    So its making me wonder , are we being incredibly stupid ? What would you do ? Would you choose your dream job, with major personal sacrifices or keep the not-so-bad job with good pay and life?


    Thanks for taking the time to read through.. and looking forward for your thoughts.
     
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  2. Marun

    Marun Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi lilypad,

    Here is my view. Your hubby have courage to step into his dream thing. Nobody does that stuff. He has got enough guts to choose the path he needs.
    All I would say is please support him and ask him to proceed with his new plans.

    No pain!!! No Gain!!!
     
  3. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    you do whatever suits you ,people & relatives will always have opinions but we need to do what suits us.........yes,financial strains do effect marriages but many a times it even helps to bring the couple more together as they tend to do things together which cost less money like going to park instead of movie,cooking together then eating out.......

    as you are intelligent woman who is aware too much money does not bring happiness ..........yes,money is needed for comforts & is important uptil a point but after that its your own compatability with each helps...you can have as much fun going to Switzerland on holiday as going to Manali.....

    true financial constraints will make life stressful,try to find ways to lessen it............plan before hand & save for things.......keep little savings for unexpected expenses...........indulge each other with occasional expensive gift........

    all the best....
     
  4. Metamorphic

    Metamorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    Trial & error methods at this age by putting many things on hold might be risky.

    Anything beyond tolerance levels can impact marriage be it financial or otherwise.

    Not to discourage you But ... What if your H could not succeed? If you are having a positive answer then you can risk. Otherwise, just don't mess up a peaceful life.
     
  5. nalinidiv

    nalinidiv Platinum IL'ite

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    hi lilypad,
    the only point i agree with ur relatives saying is about starting a family as soon as possible. please sit down together and try to jot down the advantage and disadvantage of both the decisions.. pick the one on that which has a more comfortable disadvantage.. whichever way u choose.. please dont brood over for not being able to achieve the things (u lost)... be informed... map ur expectations to ur reality... dont bother abt wat others say... be patient till u succeed and life will be FINE :)
     
  6. lilypad

    lilypad Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks Marun! You say 'nobody does that stuff'

    that's precisely my question ... Why doesn't anyone do it when it seems like the obvious solution to you and me?
     
  7. lilypad

    lilypad Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks pragathi.... Doing whatever suits us is exactly what I have in mind . At the moment at least I cannot picture a scenario where we would fight because of not having luxuries we are used to... Hopefully that doesn't change in a couple of years: )
     
  8. lilypad

    lilypad Silver IL'ite

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    well it is risky no doubt ! What if my H doesn't succeed ...
    Well to be honest I don't know ... He may try and go back to doing what he is doing now ... And we would have lost a few years ...But even if he doesn't succeed , I can't imagine me loving him any less . I love him for the joy companionship and laughter and he brings to my life ... I hope that doesn't change
     
  9. lilypad

    lilypad Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks nalini ... Agreed!! :)
     
  10. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    It is true that financial problems can cause problems in the relationship. But then we are talking about situations like unemployment, big loans and other more extreme situations. If you will have enough to live a life, ie having food on the table, roof on your head, no big commitments like loans/parents to take care of then you should be fine. As you are both fulfilling your dreams/needs then you are also able to make compromises in the lifestyle without feeling deprived.
     
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