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Can Anyone Suggest Which One To Choose... Carrer Or Family??

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by madhu26, Sep 1, 2019.

  1. madhu26

    madhu26 Junior IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies,
    I am madhu...As some people know me by recent posts. Now I came here with full confusion mind.Please share your experiences and suggestions. I am living in foreign country and I am a working mother. I have 3yrs old daughter she is going to Kindergarten. I started working when my DD is 2yrs old. That time my helper is use to take care of my daughter. Now she is 3yrs old. Recently I have a feeling that she is missing me so much. Becoz I observed that she is not eating well became thin and always asking me. Maybe when she started talking she wants someone with her. One thing I am very sure that my helper is taking very good care for her. Still I am feeling like I am missing her so much. Can't concentrate on work. Sometimes I feel like I can leave job. But in foreign country getting job is very difficult for my Visa. It's not very compulsory for me to do Job. My husband is earning good only. Why I am feeling like I am doing wrong.i don't know .I ask my husband about this he told your wish..he always told me think before u take any decision. Sometimes I feel like family will comes first. But worry about carrier also..what to do? Can anyone suggest that can I leave my job and take care of my daughter. Or continue with my carrier?
     
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  2. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    If u feel so much leave job and take care of your daughter now. After 2 years when she goes full time school then start. This time will not come back. Kids grow fast and they don't want parents around so enjoy now motherhood
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  3. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    Take some leaves and try to change your working hours so that you can get more time for her.
     
  4. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    Career Vs Family is a never ending issue for working mothers.

    As a career oriented mother, I would like to share my 2 cents here:

    Being with children is more important, specially at their prime age. They need someone to love, show affection, care, and support during this time. It is very important because this is the time they have all sorts of developments in their mind and body that eventually makes them a complete person.
    Care-takers like nannies or day care assistants will do their jobs better. That means, being empathetic, caring and assisting the kid during your absence. But their emotions towards your kid will be neutral. They can't love your child unconditionally and favor from their heart.
    A young child needs unconditional love to feel secure and happy in this new world. This helps a lot in the development of their mental and physical health.
    When such an attention (Love, affection, care and security) is not given, the child shows symptoms like "crying, feeling moody, cranky, not eating, being thin, etc..etc at the beginning and that eventually leads to serious social and emotional developments later on.

    However, career is equally important for a woman to feel complete. Specially, after having invested a lot of energy and time to secure a career (and if that is your dream), losing it could be traumatic.
    Losing a career for few years can severely impact your future development unless you take necessary actions to stay updated in the field.
    Kids won't be kids forever. They grow, go to school, make friends and eventually have their own life style very quickly. You don't even realize that time flies too soon, and things change accordingly.
    After a decade or so, your family dynamics would have changed completely; hence you may feel unnecessary to stay home full time.
    Specially when kids are gone out and won't come back home till the evening. But your career won't wait till you reach that time.

    This is why finding a good balance is very important.

    In my case, I found a great nanny (care taker that comes with unconditional love and security) in my mother. I could not think of any other safe hands to leave the kids with peace while I go out for work.
    Kids are super happy with her, and started feeling as if she is their second mother.
    Mom is slowly but firmly attached to the kids, and they are now inseparable.
    This gives me a lot of peace of mind at work.
    I closely monitor the kids and their developments etc..etc... to conclude they are on a safer end.

    However, my mother has her own life too. She can't be considered a free nanny all the time. Specially when my other siblings need her or she takes breaks for her personal needs (like pilgrimage).
    During then, I have no option other than to take career breaks.
    Once I had to take a full year leave with no pay. Another time I had to resign my dream job, and opt for a flexible job for the kids.
    But to balance my career path, I also take up foreign missions and high demanding jobs once in a while by leaving kids at home for weeks/months at a stretch too.

    When they were very young, it was a tough path. I had to make a lot of compromises from my end. But now, as they are growing, life seems to be easy

    I have a full time maid, a supportive nanny, and a part time teaching assistant and a part time driver who are working at my home under my mother's supervision. This is the team that compensate my absence at home while I focus at my work.
     
    Reesha, messedup, Afresh and 2 others like this.
  5. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    I "like" that post. Spells out exactly how a career is helpful to a girl and mother.
    Quite often girls can downgrade to a JOB, rather than pursuing a career, in order to have an income, and have the advantages of having one's own money.
     
  6. Jansan

    Jansan New IL'ite

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  7. Jansan

    Jansan New IL'ite

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    Hi Madhu. I fully understand ur situation. I was also in the same boat. Being in sharjah, I was working as a teacher in a reputed school. I joined when my daughter was in grade 3. I did not go for job till that time. It was very good, and she too was OK with it. The thing was she used to come alone and open the door and be @ home till I come. But as days passed she started feeling lonely. She was in to her own world, like she will take a book and move to a room and read. When she was in grade 5 mid I resigned as I could see she started going into herself. Not talking and being alone even when we were around. My husband too noticed. She was my sine child. So I resigned and now she is in grade 6. Now she is happy, mingling and moreover I could spend much time with her and listen to all her school happenings. She is back to normal. But at this point I would like to tell u that I was feeling depressed after resigning. I re started my career only when she went 3rd, then now within 2 years I had to resign and back to routine @ home. I am still depressed at times. But my family is happy. My suggestion to u is u can go as u have someone reliable to look after, we also don't know when we will be back to our home country. But see to that ur child don't miss u once u r bCk and spend quality time with her even after coming from office till she is in middle school. Not working in a foreign country may lead to depression if u r not socially active.
     
    Ramyarc likes this.
  8. madhu26

    madhu26 Junior IL'ite

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    Thank you all for your suggestions...i also need some experiences...Maybe i miss my daughter so much...her talking, activities..i will think and take right decisions.
     
  9. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    She at 3 year is ready for full time free school, please enroll her in a preschool and see if there is any improvement.

    If you are really passionate about job , try to work with options you have . Spend all your free time with her after you are back from job. Have her nap times increased in afternoons so she can have more time with you once you are back.
     
  10. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,

    What's your job? Because I too faced exact situation and finally my own solution implemented. Now I am happy that I am balancing both career and family.

    I am Ui developer. So I need a laptop and internet connection then most important is "Time" to sit on development. So I resigned my regular office going job and improved my skills to full stack development. Then started Applying remote jobs where I can spend my time with kids as well as career. If your career don't support such type of remote working, change your career before it too late to some laptop based work. All the best. Family and career both are important. One is for kids life another is for our own life

    Message me personally if u want guidance
     

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