Can a person's basic nature change?

Explain your side and apologize to his parents and to him once and please leave it there..

If he wants to crib over it for ever....actually he is making it worse than better!!!

I hate to say this..but when MEN create issues out of such things and end up taking revenge on their wives forever.....who is the LOSER here??

Frankly speaking, if he thinks you havedone a terrible mistake by fighting with his parents..then why is he repeating it??? (and you call him a sweet person and a great husband!!!)I dont know who he really is..because if he thinks you did wrong by fighting with his parents...he doesnt have to abuse you or your parents...there are other ways to deal with this disagreement in behaviour of yours and make changes in the way you both handle the issues...but if things are going to be like...you fight or say one word..and he fights or says 100 words....how will things change??

Just explain once again to him and keep calm. let him think overthis entire thing...if he really by nature is a kind n nice person...eventually he will be back to normal....if not....then no one can change him.

 

I think this new actions by him after your return are well calculated and planned, either by just him or both him and your PILs. this is no mere angry fit to dismiss that he is pissed off and will calm down soon. Somehow I get the feeling this is designed to show you your place and make sure you stay there type of actions. Basically I think they did a complete brainwash on him when you were gone and made him realise ki dekho uski jurrat, how she showed her arrogance and so on and that he has to act without delay and show clearly what is what. I also think it is having the expected effect...because you are doing exactly what they wish for...begging forgivenes, ready to do anything to get back in the good books etc. There is some politics going on which I think you have not understood or maybe it is a backstory bet your mil and hubby that you are not aware of. I agree with the poster that said now the true face is revealed, not what was earlier was true. Watch and wait, apologize once and leave it, try to talk to close family member for help. Be patient, there is more to this than what you have understood.

 

I have couple more suggestions for you tulip that may help you better:

1. Write out in detail everything that happened the day of the fight and as much as you can remember right up to the day of your departure. Dont omit any detail however insignificant. It is a pity you have not mentioned the details here for whatever reason. maybe we could have helped you but no matter. Write it for yourself as detailed as you can.
2. When you go before your husband dont simply start apologizing. Instead, put on a contrite face and if he shows disgust or says something hateful ask him there and then 'At least tell me what is my fault so I may not repeat it." Make sure you pay attention to every word he uses in his reply and note it down as much verbatim as possible. There will be lot of bad words etc but I am sure if you do this 2-3 times and faithfully note it down and read over, you will be able to sift thorough and a pattern will emerge that will point you to whate ver unthinkable trespass you have committed.

Somehow, somewhere, something happened, not as you think, on the day of the fight but later, before your departure, that you did not note, but that crossed a big line for them. You have to figure out what that is before you can take steps to fix this situation.

I do think you take people at face value which may not be serving you well here. For example are your SILs non interfering out of sheer goodness of heart as you think or are they wary of stepping in between the dynamics of mother and son? Have they left you to figure out what to do in this case on your own? You have to ask yourself this and find the answer too.

At an appropriate later time, increase your acquaintance and start talking more to other female members of your husband's family like his sisters, aunts, chachi etc. Find out as much as you can about this mother son dynamic since it is going to have a big impact on your life. Only when you understand what is going can you take proper steps.

 

Hi OP

In case if he is not ready to talk to you,then may be you can just try to send your DH a mail explaining about what you feel,where and which went wrong etc...., You can also mention about your apologies. This is just my :my2cents. Dont worry everything will be ok but maybe it may take sometime..

 

I think he couldnt really vent his anger while his parents were living with you. This is why he behaved fine in october. Now that his parents have gone, he really wants you to know that he is extremely pissed off.

I wouldnt start worrying about this as it has been 20 days. Be patient, sincerely apologize without crying if he listens to you and behave well with him, help with him anything he wants and remain normal otherwise. Trust me, Men cannot live like this for long - he will create a verbal fight at some stage (very soon !) and vent out everything. Let him vent and be sure that he will follow it up with physical intimacy if everything goes as per plan.
If things dont improve for another 20 days, I think it would be worth finding out whether he talks about any issues with his sisters. If you are on good talking terms with his sisters, you can ask them whats going on and whether they know anything about it. If the sisters support you too, there is no way he can continue with his tantrums.