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Can A Mother Be Her Daughters Enemy !

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Sandyr46, Jul 16, 2019.

  1. Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Finest Post Winner

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    Yesterday a friend of mine spoke about her mother who seemed to be creating rifts in her marital life. Being the only daughter her mother apparantly lives with her. Her dad is no more. Now her mother has been complaining about her daughter to the son-in-law and often reprimands her infront of him. An example, daughter forgot to buy her favorite bathing soap and this woman goes and complains to the son-in-law - your wife doesnt even buy soap for me nowdays !! When her daughter was working bringing home a good package the mother enjoyed the luxury her daughter showered on her. Now she is a stay-at-home mother and this old woman has been constantly cribbing about her daughter to the son-in-law of how she is not good enough to take of their child or her cooking skills are not good. She is confused with her mothers behavior and fed-up as well. Anything she does to please her mother from getting her clothes to keeping her happy is never valued.

    I was unsure how to guide her or rather I have no clue on what to guide her.
     
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  2. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    First when I saw the title - it was a NO.
    When I read the content - It is a YES as your case itself mentions such things happen .

    However I am unable to believe it because no personal experience on the same nor I know someone who has experienced it.

    If it's bothering your friend she can talk to her husband and tell him not to encourage the mom who is approaching him for such complaints.
    How and when is the mother complaining/cribbing to Son-in law? Isn't the daughter always at home ? Is this happening right in front of her? Why can't the husband simply say he doesn't have time for such trivial issues as he is already occupied with his kid/office work etc.

    It is the duty of the daughter to take care of her single mom and she shouldn't be complaining now about providing luxury to mom. Doesn't seem right to me on the daughter's part.
     
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  3. Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Finest Post Winner

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    She has not denied taking care. Her mother seems dissatisfied. She pucks up fights with the maids as well. Perhaps its age n thats all I can think about.
     
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  4. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    Some oldies have this habit . Like my dad picks up fight with maid, house owner , vegetable vendor etc.

    When I disagree to him he has even approached my husband how I have been wrong ! But my husband simply doesn't encourage his talk.

    But these issues hasn't really affected anyone (including me ) as I have chosen to ignore .

    Having said this I am not aware of the intensity of trouble your friend is facing with her mom.
     
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  5. Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Finest Post Winner

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    Me too n this is y I hv no clue what to guide her except that, its the age.
     
  6. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    Why does the OP want to "guide" someone ?
    That said,
    I wonder if "the mother" in kwestin is much older than the son-in-law ?
    Older women, who are free agents, (as it were :tonguewink:) are known to want a game now and then....and if they sense an available option, they may make a play for it.

    In such situations ( or in any other situation) it is best for outsiders to stay out.
     
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  7. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    In general , mothers are the most kind and self-sacrificing relations in our life, and they can go to extent of giving their life for their kids. In this particular case, mostly due to insecurity and age, parents/inlaws living in the house can create tantrums- it is upto the couple how to work it out and maintain peace and positivity instead of looking for bad intentions.Firstly old age makes people irritable for small things, secondly whether they are staying with son/daughter they want authority and importance as they are insecure of being neglected.So the daughter should assure her mother of her importance/need of mother in her life and that small mishaps should not be taken personally.

    But if the problem is very serious and affecting her marriage , she should have a frank talk and ask her mothers support to have a happy life.But it is definitely the daughters duty to take care of single mom, and mother should have wisdom to give them space.Generally elders can add positivity to household by sharing their wisdom so the daughter should try to channelise her mothers time/energy into happy/positive activities.
     
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2019
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  8. Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Finest Post Winner

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    Its the same way we reply to a lot of posts on IL. We are outsiders but still guide with solutions.
     
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  9. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    Do X, Do Y, Do nothing -- are all options in the advisories we offer on the forum.
     
  10. Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Finest Post Winner

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    Yupp but still people look-up to those responses. Take what helps them.
     

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