Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by radhavenkatesh, Mar 10, 2007.
Getting married and refusing to have children is a novel concept for Indians: Are kids worth it?
@Nonya - haha, good one. N yes I do tend to blame it on this whenever my weight fluctuates
Wow, despite the original post being 10 years old, I think the question stands valid even now.
Traditionally our marriage system works for the purpose of procreation. That is why the pressure is wayyyy high on this child part, more so in a formal setting.
In cases of wanting a child but can't have, they will live with that longing forever, even if it's a love filled marriage.
But in cases of abusive marriages, it's better to not opt for a child till they fix it or get out so that the tiny soul doesn't have to go through hell.
Also I feel its better to have a child for yourself rather than for the society. If someone doesn't want to be a parent, and if it's forced on them, the parent n esp the child suffers in this ordeal and may lead to child abuse.
Being parents is not for everyone. I know a few who are very clear about this. So when the couple decides they don't want to be parents, then they will be surely happy in a childless marriage.
Yes, they very much can if that is by their own choice . If its because they couldn't because of other reasons and they wanted to have children but couldn't then maybe they will have that sadness . Also very much more easy to be happy if you are living abroad away from intrusive relatives. I am childfree by choice and so far no regrets about it. I don't live in India and parents and inlaws have healthy boundaries with us and do not probe too much. At workplace or social circles, its no big deal either . I know many couples in a similar situation. The reasons are varied . For me , basically it was being cynical about this harsh world, freedom to pursue my own interests without feeling trapped in responsibilities ,and lack of a deep bonding with husband, my own troubled childhood etc... I have thought about adopting in a couple of years if I feel that nurturing instinct strongly.
But currently if you ask me if I am happy, I will say definitely yes, my work is my passion and keeps me busy and I have lots of hobbies, friends and I travel a lot, very much love my life.My husband , who dislikes any kind of responsibility is happy in his own world.Are we as happy as a couple with children, its like comparing apples to oranges. There is no barometer to measure happiness . I know couples with picture post card lives, two beautiful children and they have their own worries to deal with . If having kids was all it required for human beings to be happy, then 90 percent of this world would have been a happy place.
they dont want to raise children ...then why will they go for adoption ???
wow ...what a superb ans. especially the last line ... i thin uve escaped the constant pressure to have childern just cuz u live abroad ...if u were living in india ...relatives wd hv made u mad with constant badgering
I feel u r right. I wish each childless couple longing for a child can adopt an orphan.but it is again up to them.we can't force
Arranged marriage is the accepted way to get married and the only acceptable next step, is NOT enjoying your time with your new spouse and life partner (and really developing a strong relationship), but planning for new addition. It is a normal type of advice, when a couple is having a lot of trouble in their relationship, that a child would "fix everything". How? No idea.
In my opinion (and I really wanted to have children, 3 of them), I think that if both partners are content and want no children, there is no problem being childless. It would only cause problems if one of them wanted children and the other didn't. Once you have children, you have a full-time commitment to another human being, and even if you wanted to pursue your life goals, you would only be able to commit part of your life. If you noticed people who are highly involved in social work and enriching the lives of many - family life would only get in the way, and most of them choose not to invest in children. That doesn't mean, they have to forego companionship and marriage, since a spouse is capable (usually) of being a source of strength to their better half.
To answer this decade-old question posed by @radhavenkatesh, "No. You are not allowed."