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Can A Marriage Where In-laws Don’t Like You Work?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Patientone, Oct 16, 2019.

  1. Patientone

    Patientone Senior IL'ite

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    My in-laws don’t like me and have made my life hell. My husband doesn’t like my parents either and treats them like dirt. Both me and my parents try so hard and it hurts my heart that my parents are disrespected. I’m not being biased but I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Can a relationship like this survive? Tbh my in-laws and husband rarely like anyone unless they have something to gain from them. They live isolate in a village away from anyone. I’m not sure it’s the isolation that has made them that way.
     
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  2. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    Of course, they work. There are hundreds of posts on the IL forum to attest to that.


    This is the tradition. The in-laws are doing their part, and offering you the requisite experience of the traditions of life.
     
  3. Patientone

    Patientone Senior IL'ite

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    Hmm I meant where they actually hate hate you. Try to break you marriage up. Spread rumours behind your back about how bad you are and how your husband hates you...and is only with u because u have a child together....even say they’re looking for other girls for him to marry...

    when ur husband hates your family and cuts the phone off if they’re even mentioned by u or ur child...
     
  4. rgz

    rgz Gold IL'ite

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    nominate for the finest posts in IL red badge
     
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  5. rgz

    rgz Gold IL'ite

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    Do you live with ILs? or its just you and H in a different town/city?

    The former less likely to work in your case.
    The latter can work but you need to have some serious discussion with H to “change the status quo or else” type discussion.
     
  6. meVaidehi

    meVaidehi Platinum IL'ite

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    This is a simple reply to your thread title without reading the matter.
    Yes it does and can be a great marriage as long as there is trust respect understanding and love between the couple. And the ability to stand up for yourself.
     
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  7. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    They have all been watching too many sass-bahu dramas on TV. All of the above you describe have happened in many many shows. Many ILites have given you advice in other threads (e.g. LINK ), to keep calm, don't jump to responses and verbal sparring, and let things simmer down. When the in-laws toss you expression from TV drama's, you don't have to throw similar dialogs back at them. Even on TV dramas, time heals everybody, and all bad people go to a bad end, or... become completely reformed and everything ends happy. In every one of these, the Bahu is always the patient one, she can take everything that is dished out to her, and behave appropriately to make her long term strategy work out in her favor.
    Use that as an off-switch when you have had enough of a conversation with the husband.

    You may also request the Admin to join this thread with the other one .
     
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2019
  8. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    IMO, if there is trust, understanding love, etc between the couple, the question of either hating and distancing oneself from the family of their respective birth and inlaws, would not arise at all. There are umpteen cases of girls and boys eloping and getting married - however, only a miniscule percentage have I come across, who have gone on to have a marriage that can even be called 'livable'
     
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  9. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Mutual trust ,understanding and love between couples is independent of the behaviour of the parents/ inlaws towards the couple.

    I have seen enough loving couples who maintain basic bare minimum relations with the offending parents . They choose to have a peaceful family life for themselves and their kids over having relations with parents / in laws who want to disrupt their lives.

    I have also seen enough elopements that result in normal marriages . Some with reconciliations with parents and some without.

    .....................................

    Op....regarding the question in the thread,this can only happen when the spouse with the hating parents understands that his/ her parents are causing trouble in the marriage and takes steps to protect the spouse from such parents.

    Or the couple maintain no or minimum relations with hating parents.

    This does not happen in marriages where the spouse gangs up with offending parents against the partner.
     
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  10. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    QUOTEMutual trust ,understanding and love between couples is independent of the behaviour of the parents/ inlaws towards the couple.UNQUOTE
    @yellow mango, I beg to differ here very much. The offending parents here, would be only for one of the partners. The other, however much he may love his spouse and kids would be harbouring the guilt and sadness throughout his life, if he/she truly respects and loves his/her parents.
    However, coming to OP, i have no suggestions, as we are hearing only one side of the story and personally feel it is rare to have such animosity /hatred without some background /reasons for their behaviour
     

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