1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Can’t Forget That Incident

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by shravs3, Jul 25, 2018.

  1. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,250
    Likes Received:
    4,304
    Trophy Points:
    300
    Gender:
    Female
    So true .This is the main reason. I am little sensitive . Tats the main problem. I should start developing thick skin which might take some time .
     
  2. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,250
    Likes Received:
    4,304
    Trophy Points:
    300
    Gender:
    Female
    Agree . No point in cribbing . But sometimes it makes me feel sad for the past incidents . I am trying to forget.
     
  3. pinky2cute

    pinky2cute Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    949
    Likes Received:
    1,061
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    I totally understand you shravs because it happened to me too and its even worse than you.

    Yes almost all arranged marriages end up like this except few good souls who marry their son without any demands.

    Even in this era, the bride's parents are expected to shell out money and spend for the wedding while groom side just enjoys the lavish wedding and gifts.

    In my case the talks happened between both sets of parents and me n dh were totally unaware of all the wedding talks. Whenever I tried to ask I was made to shut up by my parents and told to not interfere in elders talks. *Sigh*

    My case was worst as they got all their gifts n things but they didnt even give me anything not even a single saree on my wedding which as per traditions theyshould be giving to the bride. Though they had told they will keep some gold n sarees for me. It never happened.

    Just think sravs...atleast in your inlaws gave you gold bangle though not of your selected ones.

    I was in same position like you an year back and had ugly battles with inlaws n dh and it messed up our newly married life.

    Though we have come a long way now. My dh used to fight with me bt now he has understood they have done wrong. So my dh has promised me that he will get me what I want Slowly to compensate.

    So dear, myadvice is... Yes we cant cant forgrt or forgive such incidents n we feel bad as our parents hard earned money is spent on wrdding as per their demands while they do nothing for us....so its i painful truth. Just swallow it.
    Form a good bond with dh so that slowly he changes his perception and gets to support you.
    And lastly, you dont expect anything from inlaws. And don't ask any permission to buy for yourself whether its your money or your dh money.
    Just dont dont them and buy the jewelry yourself
     
  4. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,250
    Likes Received:
    4,304
    Trophy Points:
    300
    Gender:
    Female
    Oh that’s really bad. Expecting from them is bad. But they should behave according to their words which they don’t . That is the main cause for our anger . Imagine if same thing if we brides family had done will they accept ?? Never !

    There are very few good inlaws who don’t bother and don’t demand anything in marriage but they will do what they are supposed to give their DIL’s according to their capacity.

    Yes so true . But I am worried about my DH as he mostly listens to whatever his parents tell.
     
  5. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,250
    Likes Received:
    4,304
    Trophy Points:
    300
    Gender:
    Female
    This is the main culprit for all. And have seen some marriages where groom side spends for all the expenditure when bride can’t afford so much. They are real heroes.
     
    pinky2cute likes this.
  6. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    765
    Likes Received:
    1,904
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    Shravs3, I do not understand why your jewellery has to be with PIL’s. I get along well with mine but I still hold on to my jewellery.

    You did not get my comment about sounding greedy and materialistic. If your husband argued with you that the gold chain given by your parents was not the kind he wanted I am sure you would be offended. Right ?

    You seem very bitter about having catered to your PIL’s demands regarding wedding venue etc. If you did not raise a objection then why do you carry the bitterness now ?

    As an example my 7 year old always complained about a classmate that was rude to him at the school playground . He would still play with him and then tell me how bad the kid was and how sad he felt. I had to finally tell him that playing with that kid was his choice so there is no reason to complain. He can decide to
    stay away from him, tell him to change his behavior or continue playing but not keep whining about it everyday. My son had made his decision.I was spared of daily complaints :)

    It is futile to compare how your extended family treats their DIL and feel bad about it. What is the point in making yourself feel worse? There is no point pitying yourself about the lack of gold bangles or necklace either. Have you heard of 1 GM gold ? I cannot tell the difference.

    There is no justification for your PIL’s demands about the wedding and hence your demands about getting jewellery of your choice. I will end this response with an apology . The intention is not to be harsh but for you to understand that this is not a issue for you to waste your energy on.






     
    shravs3 likes this.
  7. pinky2cute

    pinky2cute Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    949
    Likes Received:
    1,061
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    Yes exactly....examples are there among my own cousin's inlaws who treat my cousins cordially though ofcourse not like a daughter ( no inlaws wilk treat their dil as daughter just like no dil can really treat inlaws like parents but atleast if both sides are good and maintain honest cordial relations then thats the best deal!).
    They didnt take neither any dowry nor made any demands and in return they with their own money has given gold necklace set and mangalsutra as gift from their side for my cousin.
    But yes ofcourse the wedding expenses were still borne by the girl's parents but no burden nor demands of lavish wedding or particular venue etc. So girls parents happily did the wedding in their own budget with happiness without any pressure of demands.
    And its been years and even now mil is cordial to my cousin. Though they have difference of opinions and usual tiffs but no major dramas nothing .. husband/son is at peace ... Dil respects her mil and lets go of minor arguments n mil on her part allows dil to live her own life no restrictions never even asked her abt her salary or where she spends. Even her dh doesnt ask her and infact he gave his own credit card to her to do the shopping for all household related goods and groceries et al!
    I used to tell her she is damn lucky!
     
    shravs3 likes this.
  8. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    5,085
    Likes Received:
    10,038
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    OK, I can make you both @shravs3 and @pinky2cute forget your problems by making them too small compared to what I have faced a decade back during my marriage.

    Ours was a love marriage, but with the parents' blessings through usual manners.
    Before my wedding, MIL used to tell that she has made a lot of gold jewels to gift to her DIL. She would tell this to everyone, and even show them the antique jewelleries that she has. Many people would ask her to give away the jewelleries to her DIL (me) without re-making them, as they have a special value attached with them.
    By this way, everyone believed that I would be gifted with so much valuable jewelleries. Some of my close relatives didn't even gift me anything in Gold thinking it would be too much for me to wear; hence gifted some household items instead.
    Same with the saree and stuff. She came from India, and told everyone that she had a big saree shopping for her DIL. But the truth is that she didn't gift me anything. Not even a single gold chain or saree.

    I was actually unable to prove whatever my MIL did to me infront of others, as no one would believe she was evil by the way how she pretended nice before them.
    Even if I tell anyone that MIL didn't gift me anything after having proudly announced to all that she would gift this and that... people would think that I have gone mad, or being selfish. In fact it did happen, that people spoke behind my back as though I was lying.

    On the other hand, she tortured me and indirectly my parents about the weight of the gold items I had that time. She would often criticize that my gold necklace and the bangles were too small compared to hers, and if they are not as per certain size, no one in her village would be able to marry away their daughters bla..bla
    and that as an insult to make my parents sad.

    So, compared to my case, yours was much better. You at least had some jewels. chill
     

Share This Page