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Can’t Forget That Incident

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by shravs3, Jul 25, 2018.

  1. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Shravs,
    I can understand ur pain that ur parents spent so much on wedding due to inlaws denands .U should have asked that all expenses be divided fairly and equally between both parties . And both parties should have choice of arrangements equally or as per their responsibility in the arrangements .
    I think expecting gold and expensive gifts from inlaws is wrong . Let them give as per their capacity . Two wrongs can't make one right. I think ur main resentment is not gold but how they dictated ur parents to spend on ur wedding .
    The only solution is that as a working woman , u can return considerable money to your parents from ur salary , for what they spent on ur wedding, if u feel ur parents have financial issues.
    But don't expect gold from ur imlaws or complain about the incident . When we demand expensive gifts from others , somewhere we also lose the freedom to say no to others demands . Use ur salary to buy whatever u want for urself and don't let anyone interfere in that .
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2018
    shravs3 and messedup like this.
  2. senoritaaa

    senoritaaa Bronze IL'ite

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    If you are unable to forget this incident and move on , the only person affected will be you...Your precious time, effort, health etc are getting spoiled brooding over unpleasant memories. You are giving free rental space to your enemies in your mind. So you ahve to forget this incident FOR YOUR OWN GOOD HEALTH AND HAPPINESS, NOT FOR THEIR SAKE .....

    LEtting go unpleasant memories ,is a skill and we have to learn and master it . I am not saying all incidents yo have to forget and forgive. But trivial ones of no value , just serving to spoil your own peace should let go....



     
    peartree and shravs3 like this.
  3. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes you are true . I don’t want to think about it more
     
  4. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    I hardly have any savings for myself now. I contributed most of my salary as I dint want to burden my parents.

    Sorry I think you got me wrong .I am not expecting. The jewellery to be given was discussed before marriage itself.But they secretively changed everything without informing us. And they kept less amount than what they supposed to give. This is also the main reason for my anger.

    And regarding their capacity they are financially good it’s not at all a burden for them.

    I was angry for the cheap tricks they played which I can’t explain here in detail.
     
  5. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    And every time in call she is most worried about my job.

    Tats most annoying I neither can share about it to my DH nor confront her.
    Once I told that his mom is always asking about my job again and again for which my DH got angry. So from then on I am not talking about it to him.
    He knows that job market in US is difficult right now so he is not much worried about my job . But this lady seems to be so irritating .

    And there is one more lady her sister, who is pissing me off. Cos she is also worried about my job .I am like wat is happening here with my life. I don’t want others to decide my life or control my life. I know what to do...

    So all the irritating things they are doing is making me more frustrated about them .
     
  6. wings2010

    wings2010 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Shravs
    I understand completely. we all would have crossed similar situations which makes us mad. its easy to say , very difficult to manage n comeout, still i have to tell you. calm up your mind. never mind anyone or anyones talks ,suggestions,comments etc. are u going to allow them to trouble you ? or r u going to just pass it on? if they r worried about your job..let them worry..or watever they feel. dont mind.. live your life fullest. since u r reactive n sensitive ppl might want to pinch n see your reactions. just on the go throw words n run. do watever makes u happy.
     
    shravs3 likes this.
  7. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    I try to keep our India calls to our family separate, as much as possible. We had same issue of our families getting on each other's nerve and we start to bulling each other. Knowingly, (or unknowingly), our Indian relatives repeatedly do trigger fights and cause rift between us.

    We stopped handing off phone calls to each others. I stopped paying attention to his family, and my DH keeps me at 'need to know basis' level. On the other hand, I blabber everything about my family to him. I do know, if I put my DH and mom in the same room / phone call, there will be a 'war' waiting to happen between them.

    Again, we are married for a long time....I tend to take my DH side, knowing my mom.

    You are still relatively newly married, it may take awhile for the dust to settle down and getting over that angry phase.
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2018
    shravs3 likes this.
  8. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    You should only blame yourself for giving into demands of groom side for whatever reason. No point cribbing now
     
    shravs3 likes this.
  9. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    About the job... what do you want to do? Work if possible or not interested in working? Visa rules are tricky now and its not easy!

    One thing that can help with all the job nagging .. show inlaws how you are not wasting your H money or doing enough at home or how tired you are managing home, etc

    According to me, you have equal rights on ur H salary. You can spend or over spend, watever works for the couple... but but.. in the eyes of inlaws and relatives and the whole world we need to fake it to some extent.. or show less.. like not showing vacation pics or pics wearing western dresses.. basically happy pics.. they get jealous and think you are wasting your H money. They get happy when you are sad and when you say your H cancelled certain vacation trips cuz he wants to save money.. or that its been 6 months since you got urself a new dress.
     
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  10. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    I wanted to take a break for 6 months after I came to US. But right now I’m upgrading skill set so I’m not concentrating on job search now.
    My MIL knows about it , but even then she asks how many months it will take for you to finish upgrading . And she is like omg it takes so many days !

    You are very true . My DH itself don’t want me to upload any pics in FB for the same reason. And she even advices my DH don’t spend money too much :tearsofjoy:
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2018

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