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Can’t Forget That Incident

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by shravs3, Jul 25, 2018.

  1. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Before marriage that’s how I used to wear. But after marriage if I wear such things. All these relatives comment that can’t you wear proper gold you are married now. You won’t look like married woman at all. :boxing:.

    I like simple but trendy designs not like some Joy Alukkas or other heavy heavy jewels to fill my body.

    Infact whatever my parents bought for me were trendy but not very heavy cos I don’t like heavy jewellery.

    When I was in India there was some function which I attended. I dint wear any extra jewels as I had to leave to office straight away . One lady came and told OMG you dint wear any jewels or saree you are not looking like newly married bride at all :facepalm:.

    Sometimes All such small talks make me feel that I am wrong.

    You know these relatives na if you attend some functions first thing they do is to scan you ! What new jewels wat saree blah blah :BangHead: .

    My main intention is I don’t want anyone to look down on me :nono:. So that’s why my affinity towards gold increased otherwise I am a person to wear simple stuffs.
     
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  2. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    This reminds me of an incident, at my friend's daughter 'bharatanatyam arangetram'. In fact, I was wearing a long black beaded, 2 strand gold chain to match the silk saree with other accessories (good enough for someone who is attending the dance program, right?). When we were at the back stage room checking the arrangements, one of the friend of my friend asked me, do I like to borrow her jewellery, I was bit confused but said, no I am fine.

    Later I realized that the lady was concerned, I came to the function wearing only mangalsutra (Do I need more?).
     
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  3. sunshine1970

    sunshine1970 Gold IL'ite

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    Why are you now complaining about the money your parents spent on the wedding, you should have opposed at the time, this was a big red flag of the kind of people your in laws are. I just don't understand why people don't look at the red flags. Your parents willings spent all that money, that was there choice. If you live abroad why are you even worried, you never see these people. You keep bringing marriage expenses up, but a lot of Indian people get excited about a groom that lives in foreign and spend. You should have stopped it then.
     
  4. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    I already told them why should we spend so much.
    My question is when they have rights to demand what wrong in them spending on their DIL. When they cannot spend on DIL they shouldn’t demand others!
    Lol my husband Left India only after marriage as it was a sudden request from employer. I stayed in India for few months and then joined him.
     
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2018
  5. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    These kind of events can happen or not happen in Indian marriages. MIL is always MIL, not mother. DIL is always DIL,not daughter ( with a few exceptions). If you cannot forget this event, it will be like living in the past forever. Move to present and look forward to future.

    If you want to take decision, start taking decisions instead of waiting for someone else to approve. If a person is insecure, they will be affected by anything. Gain that boldness and confidence. Only then you will be less affected by the comments of others. If the system is not working, change it instead of complaining.

    "Living in the past is like scratching a wound. If you don't leave it alone, it will never go away. Let it heal, accept the scar and move on with your life!"
     
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  6. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Very true!
     
  7. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    I buy Indian jewelry here so that I don't have to tell anyone in India, let it be my family or ILs.
     
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  8. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Best idea!
     
  9. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    shravs3, I might not understand your situation because I have wonderful PIL’s. There was one response of yours that prompted me to reply. The one about your MIL giving you her bangles to wear. It is really tricky to let someone borrow your gold jewellery. Will it be returned ? It is awkward specially for a MIL to ask jewellery back from the daughter or D in law.
    I value my gold jewellery a lot. I will not be lending it to my future DIL ‘s . I might not be able to sleep at night if I do. Each piece of jewellery is very valuable to me and has memories associated with it. It is not something I will hand out to my DIL because some random woman at a social gathering will make a comment.
    I will recommend that you do not fight with husband over this. You will come across as being greedy and materialistic.
    Sorry if I am harsh in my reply.
     
  10. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    I don’t know wat to reply . All my jewels are with her only now.


    From when did gals longing for jewels become greedy and materialistic :thinking:. It’s natural that all / at least most ladies love jewellery be it gold or any other metal. You can check the crowd in jewellery shops during Diwali and Akshaya tritiya

    In short what I meant was since it was her mistake to change all the jewelleries some how she should have compensated it at least by letting me borrow it right?

    when newly wed bride enters inlaws home obviously she wouldn’t be having all the jewelleries right then.It takes time to collect all jewelleries.

    I have seen my aunts and many other relatives giving their DILS their jewellery like diamonds and other stuff at many occasions. It’s not uncommon in our families. My MIL itself wears her MILs jewellery :grin:.

    Forget about my relatives , My inlaws relatives itself felt bad and asked my MIL to share some gold jewellery on that day. But she never gave inspite of telling in front of everyone.

    My mom felt bad and gave necklace whatever she had bought for herself.
    And my cousin also offered her bangles for me to wear.I felt really embarrassed on that day.

    We had ordered 2 varieties of bangle sets . But I got only 1 bangle on marriage. If at all they had bought the same which I chose that situation wouldn’t have arised at all.
     

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