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Can’t Forget That Incident

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by shravs3, Jul 25, 2018.

  1. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Correct . But they might even go to an extent like going only to those low priced shops or else not buying anything seeing all this drama :unamused:.

    And they might even tell FIL won’t agree if you purchase at other places blah blah, moreover he controls mil and DH crazily .

    Why should they bother what I wear and wat not God knows! I don’t want to become their puppet to listen to them regarding my dressing sense or designs . But scared where they will make me one :sweat:
     
  2. Mistt

    Mistt IL Hall of Fame

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    @shravs3
    Hi Shrav,
    Don't think that incident again and spoil your mood. Past is past and we can't change some persons attitude. I think you are going to work soon so save money and will buy whatever your want to. I feel You don't need to tell or take their opinion when you are going to buy jewelry because you are buying with your money. Cheer up girl. :) Don't waste precious moments with past unchanged things.
     
    sindmani, GeetaKashyap and shravs3 like this.
  3. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks @Mistt . You are true . Sometimes all of a sudden it reminds me and make me upset. I know I shouldn’t waste time on such things..
     
    Mistt, GeetaKashyap and Lalithambigai like this.
  4. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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    It always seems it’s Fil but look into it exact who it is must be mil...
    Yes they do control a lot ..they think it’s their birth right to say ,tell since we are dumb n don’t know a thing they think
     
    shravs3 likes this.
  5. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Shravs,

    The problem of in-laws is eternal. The real reason behind their stupidity and meanness is their need to establish a hierarchy. In general, they establish this pattern to put the new entrant, the d-i-l, in her place i.e., right at the bottom of the hierarchial order.

    Earlier, the husbands had all the say and they could keep their women subservient. Now women have caught up with them in terms of education, jobs and earning potential so men tend to be defensive and/or on aggressive mode, again to establish the hierarchy earlier on in life.

    It is undisputed that to have a healthier and growing society, union of both the sexes is a must. While women have progressed at a good rate, it is very hard and threatening for men to give up/ share the privileges and work and live on par with women. Maybe the system of women ''going" to husband's house thereby losing their base, safety net and independence, in short, the patriarchal system is to be blamed.

    Given the fact, don't waste your precious time trying to seek admission of his or his mother's mistakes or support you wholeheartedly in all your suggestions or ventures. It takes a really long time for them to realise a woman's worth and regard her. Be smart, win him over without threatening his ego/superiority. Ensure to achieve financial independence and slowly stop involving in-laws in every decision. Focus on your self development and empowerment. Eventually they will get the message and try to soften.

    Btw, such hurts last a lifetime; the best way to deal is to ignore, disconnect and grow beyond these petty things. All the best.
     
  6. SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    Such a good advice.

    Dream big girl! Remember the jewelry isnt the big goal, getting DH to support you, empowering your DH - that should be the goal. Then all the gold and diamond are yours.
    "tedhi unglii's se ghee inkalti hai" ( A crooked finger helps in scooping the ghee, not a straight one)
    Unfortunately , our education has made us very straight forward. A little guile, a little natak, a little massaging DH's ego, will go a long way.

    And stop torturing yourself with what is past. You havet o let go of that to plan the future.
     
  7. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    Sahi baat hai!
    Battles must be chosen and energy must be conserved!
     
    sindmani likes this.
  8. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks yes you are right!
     
  9. DP1

    DP1 New IL'ite

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  10. sunshine1970

    sunshine1970 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi don't feel bad this happens. My in laws got me some new jewellery but a lot of it was my MIL choice, it does not matter as it sits in locker anyways. My MIL had dreams of her son marrying so accumulated sarees and gold over a 10 year period, so you can imagine how old the stuff was when I got it. Oh well, sarees still in suitcases 15 years later and I don't mind about the gold cause I can sell or melt down and change it any time.
    Don't let this spoil your mood, there will be bigger battles to fight.

    Definitely get your husband in your corner, win his support then you do have all the jewels.
     
    shravs3 likes this.

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