Brothers Marriage Life In Trouble

This case sounds so flimsy and dramatic to me.

An Indian brother openly discuss his sex life and EMA and his sexual desires with his sister to this extend??? Seriously?
And all these dramatic lines like "I want her heart", and "fall her feet" and "wait till you die" and "any surgeries to mute his sexual desires" and all that.
But practically, he is neglecting her, cheating on her, looking for other woman etc....

I went through all your posts, and it looks like your SIL wasn't ready for this marriage at the first place.
There could be so many reasons, and I assume the below ones based on my limited knowledge on this matter.
1) She may be asexual
2) She may be lesbian
3) Any hormonal or psychological problems that prevents her from IC
4) A love affair before her marriage (for whatever the reason, she was forced to this marriage, but her heart may be somewhere else)
5) Not interested in your bro
6) Your bro may be mad in bed - some women do not appreciate it
7) Loads of compatibility issues between them to the point of mentally distancing

It was wrong on your bro's part to neglect his new wife for work. But that is nothing new among the new couples of this era. Everyone is after money/work and it just happens.
This can create loads of resentments between the couple, but definitely not like this.
So, I rule out this one.

Your bro was right in understanding that his wife wasn't happy in their marriage. But what did he do to understand her problems?
What did he do to solve her problems?

It is not a new marriage. 8 years is such a long time, and your bro was clueless about the problems his wife is undergoing.
This shows, there is a huge vacuum in their marriage.

When there is a huge vacuum, what makes your bro to patch up all over again, and start a sexless/loveless marriage now?
I can understand if there was some love, unity and happiness in their marriage before. But looks like, it was all empty always. So, what is the point of wanting to try now? Isn't it strange?
If he is bothered about the kid, he may opt for joint custody. Looks like his wife isn't interested for a second marriage, so your bro can very well visit his kid occasionally, like how he is doing now.
Nothing is gonna change.

In the meantime, he can enjoy with other women, or opt for a second marriage or whatever legally.

I have doubt on your bro's health.
Unless there is a valid reason, no man would share his sex life, sexual desires and his ema - that too how many times he went to other women, sorta things with his family members.
Probably, your bro is seeking validation to a problem/health issue or whatever he is strugling right now.
He doesn't wanna be judged or ridiculed for whatever the status he is in right now.

Either he is suffering from common STDs if not AIDS or hooked into some girl's issue (threatening, black mailing, asking money etc... for the fact that he had physical relations with her/them).
For both the issues, he needs someone on his side. Some one to support his mistakes. Someone to sympathize and reason out his mistakes.
If he is in trouble, then he probably needs a family to hang on. That's why he is willing to forgo sex life and all his interest to amend things with his unwilling wife.
Everything happens for a reason. Kindly dig through it.


Other than this, just let them handle their own issues in a matured manner. Don't poke your nose unless they want your opinion.

 

OP,
Your stance on ur bro changed multiple times during the course of this thread.

First you said that he should go for open marriage... then fall at her feet and wait life long.. and then angry that he shouldnt have told that he is cheating..

Clearly you r not a good mediator since u r siding with ur bro..so plz dont talk to ur sil on this issue..u r biased..

If ur bro is really interested in saving marriage, he would quit his long distance job and move near her.. but no, he is still contemplating. I get a feeling that he would never leave his 6 figure dollar job and cushy life abroad. All the best!!

 

Op.....this marriage is not sinking....it never left the harbour.
This marriage is a sham marriage.
What are you people trying to save?
She will never be interested in him sexually and no matter what he says...he will again stray.


If she is not ready for divorce and your brother is just interested to live with them as a guest / father...then he should give her the option of letting him live with them or divorce him.
If she does not want divorce ...then she will allow him to stay .
She seems interested to keep this sham marriage for some reason.


Both have grounds for divorce.

 

Op, Your brother is 37 yrs old. Don't tell me he will forgo all physical pleasures for wife and family. Its a long road and that words wont last 2 yrs from now.

Why is there an effort to fix this marriage on surface. Don't tell me for the kid. Sooner or later the kid will feel the vacuum in his parents marriage. They both will give wrong message about marriage to kid. Divorced parents are not a curse to be frowned and said why cant wife adjust, why cant he do something.

At any age, kids in tense marriages see everything. Instead of pulling a deadbeat marriage and sending wrong message to kids, why not separate and give a sound outlook.

Don't you think, the absence of physical relationship will trickle down to other parts of marriage. Its a meaningful part of marriage.Imagine having a fight with husband. You don't want to talk to hubby, don't want him to come near you. Similarly without physical relationship, marriage has no basis to continue. Given that your brother cheated on SIL, I think he may have burnt the thin bridge of reconciling.

Your SIL is not interested in marriage and your brother cant alone carry the marriage on his shoulders. They both need to man up and face the facts that , the marriage is over and take the next step. Come 10 yrs of same situation, they will look back and feel they shud have done it with emptiness surrounding them.Why are they scared of saying they need a divorce??Good Luck.

 

kids in men's lives are bigger than wife and marriage.May be that's what stuck your bother now.
kids play a bigger role in men and women's lives in different ways.
if he truly changes and wanted to have a family, you should visit your SIL and understand her issues completely and have them counseling.
If it's more related philosophical, probably you can help them.If they are more deep rooted and other issues no one can do anything about it.

 

OP, you are trying to solve an issue that is not yours in the first place. Your brother is an adult and at every stage of life, he knew exactly what he was getting into.

Your brother never bothered to move to a place where both he and his wife can find a job and live together.

They have decided to expand their family without sorting out their issues.

Was Visiting family a few times a year and not working to move back with family your brothers idea? Do you know if any discussions took place regarding this between the couple and both their families?

You say that your brother was denied sex, but what about the SIL who had to wait for your brother for 2-3 months for your brother to satisfy her desires?

Your brother seeking sex elsewhere is totally wrong. He should have done what he is doing now, before approacking other women, i.e. Involving families and seeing a counselor.

I dont think you can do much without hearing your SIL's side of the story.