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Broken And Helpless

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by FE40, Oct 29, 2016.

  1. FE40

    FE40 Silver IL'ite

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    My story.....

    Long long ago married and was put up with emotional abuse, absolute slavery in things I had to do.

    Long ago came out of it, became financially and emotionally independent.

    Then after a decade met someone online, it was good, fell for him. But as a man, he could not be truthful to me.

    He was depressed on loss of job, so helped him out in many ways, leaving alcoholism, paying for his sons fees, etc etc.

    He got a job and moved away for a while, I too broke up because inspire of my help he was in constant talks with his ex wife. I did not like it.

    Then again he lost job. He seemed help this time also with me. I trusted out of love and again fell in the trap of his words. Took loan, started to do something individually. But within a month, he started feeling lazy, and started ignoring work, and got even into alcoholism without my knowledge. (During day time I go to work, he was idle and engaged into alcohol again at times, not always though).

    This went on for a while, I restricted his habit whenever I could. But one fine day, he said, ' I can't live with restrictions, I can't take you anymore ' and just disappeared. I tried calling few times, but negative response.

    Now am broken, emotionally. And helpless about loan repayment.

    Am I not a fool for having trusted him again? Am I not a fool for trusting his words as love? Am I wrong in restricting the drinking habit?

    Just broken and helpless.....
     
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  2. Depressedmind19

    Depressedmind19 New IL'ite

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    Hi sis..
    I hope I'm too young to advise you. but I like too say certain words
    He needed a source for time being in his life since he was separated from his wife,
    And financially..as you said he was still in contact with his EX-wife it seems he still have feelings for her..to fill up the emotional gap in place of his ex and financial things he have used you .if he really had intension to come up in life and be with you he would have not spoiled the second which you have given to him.. drinking alcohol is not a crime but when you have work responsibilities and certain duties to be accomplished having alcohol is the thing shows that he doesn't care about the money which you have gave him.since it's jus someone else sweat and hard work ..this sort of menatilty can't be changed what ever we do..
    And your not fool because of trusting this
    Coward .. Already you had loss in life and the emptiness made you to trust him ..don't worry he will be back again for reconciliation and extract money from you since you are kinded hearted. That time try to get back the money by lodging a police complaint or by any legal way.why do you wanna suffer financiallyfor his mistakes. If you trust him again that would be a real disaster for you
     
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  3. FE40

    FE40 Silver IL'ite

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    Yes, now I really feel he has just planned and used me up. When he got what he wanted, just blamed and ran away. I am talking to an advocate about how to take legal action.

    But heart bleeds with the hurting words. Those words of his is taunting me very badly.
     
  4. aamrapali

    aamrapali Gold IL'ite

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    You are not a fool - we all make some not-so-wise choices under certain circumstances in life. We learn from our mistakes become wiser and move on. If there were a 3rd opportunity in your life, I am sure you will be more cautious. That is life - we learn as we go.

    Now coming to your current situation - you have 2 major losses - (1) Financial (2) Emotional

    Which is more important to you and which is harder to recover - I would recommend to focus on that first. Don't try to focus and fix both at the same time. It will be draining, will wear you out and you may end up not recovering from either. Treat one problem at a time to keep you focused and to save your energy resources.
     
  5. Depressedmind19

    Depressedmind19 New IL'ite

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    Yes words become venomous when we hear it from the people whom we trusted so lot.if is it only money loss you would've not
    Cared. certain cowards tend to do that blaming their mistakes on us and running away when they can extract what ever they can from us.
    It's really good to consult advocate.
    If you have given him through cheque or any online transaction it's easy to get back..
     
  6. FE40

    FE40 Silver IL'ite

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    Why are men so cunning and heartless? What do they want in life? Alcohol?

    When he wanted something, he kept on saying am the reason he is alive, and that am his family, etc.

    But when i restricted his re-entry to alcohol, he blamed that ' I cannot live in a jail', etc etc.

    Those who are addicted to alcohol, is there no way they can come out of it? Is their mind oscillating always,?

    Guess I trusted a drunkard thinking he has reformed, but he went back to his old habits. For all in this site, am warning you all ...Never trust a drunkard in life, even if it is your essential partner. They are venomous. They can harm us anytime.
     
  7. FE40

    FE40 Silver IL'ite

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    [QUOTE="Depressedmind19, post: 3902131, member: 451838". If you trust him again that would be a real disaster for you[/QUOTE]


    Yes Sis, if I trust him again, I will ruin my life further. Thanks for the words, I will remember it when he tries to come to me for any reason. Will never trust him in my life henceforth.
     
  8. Depressedmind19

    Depressedmind19 New IL'ite

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    Hi..it's not only men are cunning their are some womens too.But majority is men.
    People who gives excuse that alcohol influence them to do bad things ..that's totally wrong.
    Everyone will know what they do while they are drunk..
    Yes people say anything until they need you.
    When their desire fulfilled you would be blamed and pushed away..
     
  9. Depressedmind19

    Depressedmind19 New IL'ite

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    Yes Sis, if I trust him again, I will ruin my life further. Thanks for the words, I will remember it when he tries to come to me for any reason. Will never trust him in my life henceforth.[/QUOTE]

    Lol.. i am a boy ..don't worry things would be sorted out soon..
     
  10. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    Next time invest your energy and time wisely.
    Remember love is not everything although its a part of equation.
    You need to introspect why are you getting attracted towards people who need help.
     

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