Bf Parents Are Visiting

Ah yes, this issue is pretty specific to his immediate family only. He has a decent amount of deference to what they want and so tries to see if what they want is compatible with what I am ok with and if not, he spends a lot of time mediating between us. It's a lot of effort for sure.

With his friends and cousins, etc. it's not an issue at all, I just am myself totally and everything is fine. We go out with them to movies, beach, dancing, drinking, whatever and have fun. He gets more worried with his family and then because he's concerned it makes me feel like...oh...I need to be concerned too.

It definitely is an issue more exclusive to an intercultural relationship - because we do not come from the same understanding of expectations and traditions. Like to me and my friends, we would never have our parents visit for more than 7-10 days at a time. And to him and his friends, several months at a time is normal. Or like the touching feet - I'd never heard of this custom before dating him, and it's important to him and his family. Whereas to an Indian woman, she most likely has at least heard of this. Same with dowry, the idea is so antiquated to me and my friends, but his family still adheres to it, etc. So with all of these differences of course we have to be a little more specific when we speak to each other.

 

Thank you! You put it exactly correctly - because I am not fully aware of the Indian culture, I do not know what is reasonable or not or what will make them offended. I do want to make an effort to get to know his parents! But I am afraid that what an "effort" means to me may be very different than what is expected from his family. Thanks. I will be polite and nice of course, and will try to keep a balance between not doing too much and making some efforts.

 

Haha thank you. We are not married or engaged, just dating. We are moving in the direction of getting married, but nothing is set in stone

 

Thank you! I think he and I end up worrying each other haha so it's nice to have outside perspective too. I do actually feel excited to meet them, after all they raised an amazing son!!

 

I didn't know that it was illegal until it was mentioned on here! Even if it's "illegal" people still do it right? At least that is what my BF said. His parents wanted a dowry from his ex wife and it caused issue when she would not agree to it because she thought it was antiquated. Part of why I'm nervous is he says his ex wife and his parents really did not get along, and I feel like - well if she is Indian from his town, and she had trouble - what chance do I stand?

As for their expectations of me / my family paying dowry I have no idea, but my BF and I both agree it's not going to happen.