Bf Parents Are Visiting

Aren't these uncut-umbilical cord issues ? Declaring their son as your bf (@Rihana: noun, not verb) is a challenge to the first owner. If you are very concerned about "how they may want me / him to behave with regard to them" Rihana's advice about having the bf stand between you and them at all times would be a good idea. You take cues from bf., about where to keep your hands, knees, etc..

Dowry ?!! Flatten some copper pennies on a railroad, and hand one to each of them.

 

Hi,
Try to do whatever possible things suggested by your bf.
But do remember one thing- You be as you are. Adjust but donot drown with the flow

 

Be yourself .Don't do things that you will be uncomfortable doing in the long run.

As for talking to his mom......talking is a good way of knowing each other,but also has scope of misunderstanding when there are cultural differences.Start by being a bit formal and respectful and then take it from there as you get to know each other.
Don't take it as a duty that you have to fulfill because your bf thinks you should.Being forced to do something just spoils it for later because of simmering resentment.

Regarding him changing in front of parents.....take this seriously.
If you have read the forum in detail..you will realize that it is the bane of a lot of Indian marriages .
The treating of wife as invisible or not that important in front of his parents can be quite insulting.
If you feel uncomfortable with the way he behaves with you in front of them....let him know his change in behavior around his parents makes you uncomfortable.
Most men do it subconsciously.
If he is one of those ,then he will make an effort to change .
If he is one of those who feels it is fine to treat wife/gf with less importance ,to keep parents happy or to keep from hurting his parents,then it is trouble.
Will you be fine being treated like this few months every year and maybe for ever once his parents need to move in with you guys for care permanently .

Same with lack of privacy.If he is fine giving up privacy for 3 weeks...it will most likely continue when they visit for longer periods after marriage.

Regarding touching feet...it is your call.It doesn't have to be every time you meet .Doing it the first time you meet and then when they leave should be fine too if they are reasonable.But I would suggest ,keep it for after marriage.Doing it now will just increase unnecessary expectations .

As for dowry....let him know that giving and taking dowry...specially asking for dowry is a crime under Indian laws.Don't indulge any such expectations.Tell him you do not want to adopt the worst of Indian culture when there are better things to adopt from it .

Regarding learning cooking...if you want to be the one cooking after marriage,then do feel free to learn.If you want to share cooking,then tell your bf to learn some dishes from his mom and then teach you later .; )

Best wishes.

 

You talk what you are comfortable talking . Include bf in the conversations and let him do most of the talking.

As for his dad.Discuss things like tea ,food etc freely but be careful with politics etc unless your views are same .Avoid confrontations over such issues that don't matter in personal life .I learnt it the hard way.
You can be semi formal and avoid unnecessary touching like hugging ,patting etc till you know them better.

 

Touching feet.. taking dowry
Tell them u too have a tradition.. rolling eyes

 

I am fairly certain the expectations they might have of a desi woman will be different than expectations of someone from a different race. I am pretty sure that they won't expect you to fall at their feet and pay a dowry if you 2 get married.

I feel both you and your boyfriend might be overthinking your relationship! As for the parents visit, be as nice as you would to anyone else who might come visit you. That should suffice.

 

I still don't get it! Maybe because I am not in an inter-racial relationship.

So what do you guys do? Make a list of all the expectations his parents might have and check off on what you will and won't do?

1) Fall at feet - NO
2) Talk - Sometimes
3) Dowry - NO
4) ...

I am genuinely bemused. Is there any spontaneity in your relationship? Both of you just seem to be conveying expectations to each other all the time and deciding whether the other will be OK with it or not. Of course, I am only understanding from what you are posting here and the other thread.