Today is one of the down days that I started with so much of crying. We recently (2 months ago) started full day preschool for my 3.5 year old DS. We had a nanny at home for him before. DH's office is in downtown and most of his team WFH 3-4 days a week. So, we both were able to manage with a nanny for our DS in the past. Coming to the current situation, we are having the following issues with DS at his preschool. 1. He does not see his teacher as an authoritative adult person who is in charge. Forget about obeying, he doesn't even acknowledge her. He doesn't even look at her when she is trying to set boundaries or pay attention to her. To give some background, he mostly sees me like that only. Our nanny is also very soft spoken and always mostly entertained him. The only person who can control his behavior to some extent is his dad. DS has always been an extremely active child. He is very impulsive and extremely mischievous. He is also very defiant. The moment I tell him not to do something, he is so tempted to do the exact opposite. He thinks it is a game. It is also very entertaining for him. Now that he is a bit older, I am able to talk to him about it. Sometimes he listens and many times he doesn't. Like for example, when he was little, the moment he spotted a cup of milk or any other liquid, he has to turn the container upside down with high speed. He used to find it very entertaining. Now he understands that it is not okay to do that but he can do many many other things like he has to press the bottle of hand soap or moisturizer too much and waste a lot. He is doing the same at preschool now even after his teacher telling him not to so. He also throws things around. One thing that amazes me is that the other kids in his class are telling him not to do that. He still doesn't listen to anyone. If he feels like, he will do it no matter what. 2. He had zero exposure to English when he joined preschool. This is one thing that my DH has been taunting me with. We always spoke with him only in Tamil and he is very good in communicating in Tamil. He talks a lot and we are very amused by his talks. Even though he started talking late, he always have had great eye contact and I see no problems with cognition and language. But, at preschool, he doesn't understand what his teacher is telling him most of the times apart from his behavioral problems. He is not very attentive in his classroom. Like if he is called by his name, he doesn't respond right away attentively. He is somewhat absorbed in that surrounding. And sometimes he does respond fine too. At home, we never had this problem even once. After starting preschool, I have been reading with him everyday for at least 20 mins and I can see a lot of improvement in this 2 months. He can speak short 2-3 word sentences in English now. While I am confident that he will pick up English, DH has been criticizing me so much that my decision to talk to him only in our mother tongue is such a disaster and that at least we should have spoken both the languages. To add to this, none of our friends (who have US born kids) did this. They either talk only in English or talk a little Tamil and more English. The kids cannot speak Tamil though. I never bothered about it that much but now after all the preschool problems, DH squarely puts the blame on me. Please someone tell me that what I did is okay. Has anyone been through this? The moment something doesn't go the way we expected it to go, DH can paint a very gloomy picture and put all the blame on me. This is why I cried so much.. not much due to the actual problem but due to DH's accusation.. He makes me feel that I am a total failure as a mom and anything that goes wrong with DS's life is totally because of me.. He of course profusely apologizes later and tells that it was in the heat of the moment he said many things. The only consolation is that he tells all this only when we are alone and not in front of our kid. 3. He does not sit in one place and keeps running around. He always likes to run a lot ever since he started to walk. Well, there are some days that his teacher says he was good and then there are a lot days too that he simply wants to run around. My guess is that since he doesn't understand much of English, he finds the circle time boring. And he is the only kid who doesn't speak English in his class though. His teacher also said that if he likes then he is capable to sitting in one place and engaging in this activity. He likes to play with this girl in his class with play doh. At home, we read everyday at bedtime and then sometimes he can sit and play. Many times he wants to run though. I know I have 2 big problems and I looking for solutions: 1. Failure to set boundaries: It is completely my fault that I failed as a parent so far to set boundaries clearly. Trust me, I've tried several times and many times am not successful. He sees me as a peer and not as a parent. He thinks he can take a ride on me and get away with anything. Between the 2 of us, he thinks he is dominant. And that behavior continues outside home too. How do I change that? He wouldn't stand in the corner and I literally have to physically restraint him in the corner. Then, sometimes after a mischief, he comes up with suggestions on punishments for him like standing in corner, taking away some toys etc. When his dad comes to discipline him, he suggests him to let mommy discipline him and he also tries to convince daddy that his mommy is good at it so let her handle the disciplining part It may sound funny but I really don't know what to do. I sometimes say that I am not happy with what he did and sit quietly without interacting with him. He will come to me, profusely apologize and says he is a changed boy now. He'll tell me that he'll listen to me and behave well from now on wards. But it is all back to square one. I also think that I need to change the way I play and interact with him. 2. Impulsiveness and Hyperactiveness: How do I help DS control his impulsiveness and hyper activeness? Sometimes, I see that he too tempted to do things and can't control. How come some kids are so well behaved? I am awed by the parenting skills of their parents. I know that the other major problem is my DH's attitude. He is not understanding and not helping me at all with regards to this problem. He only makes my situation worse. But that's for another day. Sorry that it turned out to be a very long post. I seriously feel better after venting.