Behavior Of College Going Teen

I think this tension between parents was always there and the teen probably grew up seeing dad belittle mom.. that probably dint make for a happy family atmosphere. Now she is free from it and hence is not interested in calling home everyday because its a reminder of that.. drrssing up and posting on instagram dint harm anyone. Her saying she will drop out of med school is probably a way if rebelling. If i were her parents i would play it smart.. stop making a big issue of everything and step back a little. Ask her to send daily message instead of calling at the end of day. Say they will support her no matter what etc..

 

One day these same courses will all be available online. It's getting started with Coursera, Udemy, etc.

Kids are at the age (biologically it starts at teenage years - in olden days people got married in early teens) of getting married, starting families, yet they are sent away to study and interact with the opposite gender. If one is not careful, they can get into all sorts of situations they didn't bargain for, i.e. falling "in love", education suffers. It's a path that leads nowhere, but I digress.

 

the pressure to blend in, the pressure of learning to be independent and more happens at this phase. the reduced phone calls and not being communicative indicates self pressure.
change in dressing happens when you want to blend and belong and she is just going to be 18 appearances matter more ( we are i a society that is ruthless in bullying, body shaming and picking at you for being different)

regarding not wanting to do medicine, it is a phase where you are exposed to many aspirants, many different ideas and also only she must be self evaluating if she os cut out for doing medicine. i know of kids who finish their masters in science and do economics or marketing mba because they feel that they are cut out for sales rather than technical.

give her support, allow her to communicate instead of shadowing her.
and from the father’s comments looks like typical indian parenting that he must have learnt from his parents. the parents need to understand we are in that age where what worked for their 18 yr maynot work for their own 11yr.

it is not just the kids who need to understand and adapt, it is us the parents too who need to.

do no cut off the payments risking a strike back with behavorial
setbacks. pick battles wisely.

communication with understanding and less pointing out mistakes holds the key.
and trust and believe in her not with just words but with action. the strength kids get when they have trusting and supportive parents is nothing to flick away.

 

Kids here in USA are quits self dependent(as far as I see here). May be that is the case with the girl. She feels she is responsible for herself , so she is little away from parents. We are all in Indian mindset(this is also good to certain extent) , we want children to tell each and everything to parents , girl child is more pampered etc. But from the girl's point of view we are making a big deal out of nothing. So the right approach is mom can speak freely to the girl and tell what is worrying her and what is expected from her . mom has to make talk too to understand the change in career , she made etc.

 

sorry to digress. it is really sad when the boundaries get drawn here in the us ...

how come @sindmani you assume kids in india are not independent. yes they dont leave the parent’s home. they are not financially self sustained. can just these two things make someone independant and more..

somewhere we are confused on the parenting aspects and always use demographics as a reasoning.

my son’s classmates a few of them support themselves by working as delivery boys and tutors. the shift is there.
the kids take out loans and work their ass out to make something for themselves. there are times i feel sad when i hear of the laid down attitude in kids just because they have all the facilities in their fingertrips.

sorry op fir digressing
and to clarify have a son who is 19 studies in a uni in india.

p.s and yes i do not wish to be pulled in or bullied for stating this. which is the way the forum works these days..

 

Sorry if it has hurt you. I told the view based on the fact that my parents especially mom would always want me to call and tell the say to day activity , when in hostel. So I think I generalised it, my mom took decisions for me. But I see here children are independent in taking decision. So as I said I generalised the facts in my life. In fact I told about emotional independence of kids here versus me still being unable to be emotionally independent.

 

the mom in me wants my son to call me everyday but he calls me if he finds time. sometimes nothing for weeks.

and i was a hosteller 30yrs back travelling 25+hrs and we did not have the luxury of mobiles nor telephone calls
cheaper. we still were doing great emotionally.


no you did not hurt me as per se. time and again demographics are stated as reasoning and i have argued to state that there is more to parenting than demographics and our own childhood baggages and now do not find the enthusiasm to do that. knowing you have read many of my replies on this took the liberty to ask you @sindmani nothing personal dear.

hope you are doing well. eatinf well and staying at peace..

 

Iam doing good. As a daughter myself ,op's post first made me emotional seeing the plight of the mom as she is really worried about her first daughter. But further after reading ur reply I too wanted to think out of box though the Indianness in me says a child should connect more with parents but kids here learn emotional independence in a very early stage. We can teach but still school and friends influence is more for children. When I see kids here as a volunteer teaching our mother tongue , I see lots of difference. But at last I too want kids to talk and connect more with parents to be frank. But we can't force the child. Really Indian parents here have little more things to handle due to this.