Beggars and Choosers

If you come across a beggar and give him a one rupee coin, just look at his eyes. They’ll say a thousand things whih when translated into English will nmean something like this:


“You (expletives deleted) miser! Who is the beggar here, me or you? Don’t you know there’s something called inflation? I think we should fix a minimum alms rate of five bucks to keep cheapskates like you away!”


Beggars really are becoming choosers.. Take the case of the poor Delhi government. They want the capital to look like the HQ of a emerging economic power with beggar-free city. So

they came up with the idea of offering each beggar a stipend of Rs 30 per day, if they stop begging. Nothing doing said the beggars, we will not take anything less than s 80 per day if you want to keep us off the street.


So let us imagine this scene of the beggars negotiating with the government.


Government rep(GR) Eighty rupees! Aren’t you greedy? We are offering you 30 bucks per head and that is a luxury. Montek Singh Ahluwalia has said a family of five can subsist on 35 rupees a day!”



Beggar rep(BR): : Montek SINGH Ahluwalia? Sardar hai kya? Only these guys can come up with such whacko ideas that have no truck with reality. Did he flunk in economics at school ?



GR: Montek is the vice chairman of the Planning Commission but now I remember, he withdrew his remark after a lot of protests.


BR: So, he put his foot in his mouth eh If he hadn’t I would have shoved that Banta’ Singh's both feet up some other orifice!


GR:: Montek, not Banta. Oh, never mind, Our offer is 30 bucks, take it or leave it!



BR: If I stand at traffic signal and keep invoking Allah and Bhagwan I would make 100 times as much money than your measely offer!” (walks out).



Now if the government agrees to a stipend of Rs 80, the question arises, will it bring down the number of beggars or increase it. I suspect it will only make begging more attractive as a career. Lured by the stipend more people may jump into the fray. Enterprising school and college kids may find the stipend a means of adding to their pocket money. And become parttime beggars.


This will fuel a demand for rags for stipend seekers to look convincingly like beggars. For all you know you may soon have prosthetics ’that will make the new enhtrants to the profession look grotesque to attract pity and even generate revulsion selling like hot cakes. Rich kids who seek a bit of extra pocket money may even invest in designer prosthetics and special make up.


So is stipend the way out to rid the city of beggars? Give them jobs may be? Are you crazy? The beggars are quite rich. There have been incidents when lackhs of rupees have been found in the person of dead mendicants.



Here is the way out. The government obviously can’t beat the beggars, so it should join them, and start a National Beggary Corporation. Rope in the beggars with offers of lucrative monthly wages.. Publicize that those who want to offer alms can send cheques to the corporation and the nmoney can be utilized to pay the wages of the beggars. Advertise in papers that alms should be given to only beggars employed by the corporation and those who drop a coin or two to beggars freelancing near traffic signals and temples can be made to pay hefty fines.



And to attract public sympathy for the corporation’s employees, post their grotesque, mangled pictures at bus stops railway stations and even airports. So that people are moved to send donations.



With its profit the corporation can invest in the latest make u, costumes and special effects to make its employees look sufficiently beggarly. It can even make documentaries on its employees to elicit public sympathy



Of course sicne it will be a government body the corporation will have its share of scams like kickbacks for purchase of sophisticated make up, prosthetics and rags for the beggars. Media will talk of Bikharigate or Beggargate. Couple of expendable chaps will end up in jail while the guilty will get away. But running this show will not be difficult for the government. After all it is used to beg for foreign aid from international lending bodies and developed countries.,

 

Pallavi I don't think I have the answer to that question either. That's why I am laughing at the issue.

 

Satchi we can only laugh at it and the incompetent buffoons who rule us.