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Bad Parenting Affects Kids

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Sunshine04, Feb 27, 2020.

  1. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    I have been a victim of negligence from my mom. Just started this thread to pen my thoughts.
    My mom was physically weak and scared person. Not worldly wise at all.
    She won't grind idli batter at all. She had an unknown mental aversion towards it.
    We ate idli, dosa only at hotels or relatives house our entire childhood.
    She would be scared to cook when relatives visited us.she would ask our neighbor aunty to help her.
    She is a SAHM mom .lived in her world sleeping, watching tv.
    Didn't teach me how to use a cloth pad. I managed on my own.
    Never bought bra for me till my 10 th standard. My girl classmates used to make fun of me behind my back.
    I shouted at her about this. Finally she got 2 bras for me when I started college.
    Then I started going out for shopping with my friends and managed to buy myself.
    She was kind of emotionally absent.
    I had lot of anger in my mind regarding all these. She used to sometimes badmouth about me to relatives and my dad.
    Dad loved me the most in the house. She favored her son.
    My dad took care of me and my brother.
    Found a match for me and did my marriage.
    I ill treated her when she came to help for my delivery because of all the anger
    She TOOK GOOD CARE OF ME AND BABY HER ENTIRE STAY IN USA inspite of my rude behavior. That made me guilty and I moved on and forced myself to forget all her negligence.
    I have a kid on the spectrum and learnt a lot .
    Sometimes I feel maybe she could be on the spectrum . I dont know. I don't feel she neglected me on purpose...
     
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  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom Platinum IL'ite

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    Looks like your mom was dealing with her own issues such as lack of confidence, self esteem and possibly depressions. Life was hard for a lot of middle class women back in the 70s-90s, unless money wasn’t a source of concern. It is unlikely your mom was doing things on purpose. We are all to some extent victims of our circumstances. Some rise above it and some wallow.
    It is good you are able to introspect. Have a conversation with her gently if the situation permits.
     
    sindmani, Whyme20, Laks09 and 2 others like this.
  3. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks.
    Money was never a issue in my house.
    My mom was not abused by her mil or Sil.
    My dad did dominate her. But that happened in most households around that time.
    She was brought up in a home where sons were heavily favored over sons.
     
  4. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    We play with the cards we are dealt. And we innovate, use tactics and strategies, have priorities for whatever that affects us, for getting the most out of whatever situation we are in. And survive, with hopes of much better times. Sometimes it pans out; sometimes the mind is bent to meet whatever reality that happens as a desired equilibrium or happiness.

    Our children are in that matrix somewhere. Like the airlines tell us during the safety briefing at take-off, in emergencies we are to put on our oxygen mask first, before assisting the children.

    [​IMG]
    “There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions too."

    Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.”


    ― Woody Allen
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2020
    Amica, mindwar, Whyme20 and 2 others like this.
  5. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    I was surprised to read the exact circumstances at my home. I had no support from my mother in any way either growing up or for both my pregnancies. However, in her own way she did care about me and used to enquire over phone when away from family. It was my father who took the lead and settled everything in my life, be it education or marriage. She favoured and spoilt my youngest brother -who was around 15 yrs at the time I was at home for delivery of my first child. Any attempt by me to control my brother would erupt into a major fight and she wanted me to go back to my marital home -even though it was only 15days after birth of my child. I stuck on for around 40 days just to save face with my husband and family and then returned. However, in spite of all this, I just couldnot hate or even dislike my mother, as I felt it is just the circumstances in which she was brought up , Moreover she faced a lot of mental pressures and shock due to sickness/death of my elder brother and sister later. Hence after my father's death, I went all out alongwith my other brother, to care for her and take care till she passed away at the age of 87. I have only sadness in mind when I think of her and wish she had had a happy life.
    I am bringing out all this, just so that you realise its important to just go forward and accept your mother for what she is.
     
  6. Whyme20

    Whyme20 Silver IL'ite

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    I believe we all have our miseries, our share of bad memories. Life is like a mixed bag of candies. It is what it is. There is always some reason why we are born, where we are born and to whom we are born, since we are here, it's good steal some satisfaction, some happiness out of whatever life has thrown at us. We can try to make a difference where we can and if we can't we can accept with compassion, there is only so much we can do.
     
    mindwar and joylokhi like this.

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