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Baby shower - parents not generous

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by riyagan, Jan 13, 2012.

  1. riyagan

    riyagan Gold IL'ite

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    so, i had a casual talk with one of my friends yesterday after a month...she is carrying and 8months now. she got a very nice hubby and interfering inlaws but over all 'okay' inlaws. her parents are good except that she has a complaint that they are not generous in terms of spending gifts/money on her wedding and the following occassions. my friend is not money minded ..she just wants some concern from her parents through gifts and perks atleast on some special occasions. so that she wont feel odd infront of their inlaws when they give presents for her on ocasions and make snide remarks about their parents.. as they hav decided to do baby shower at hubby's place my frnd really want her parents to contribute..till now her parents havnt talked about that to her or her inlaws... its going to be that they just gonna visit on baby shower as guests...i dont know.. she doesnt know how to ask her parents to get gifts..or spend for rituals or something... as i havnt come across such things yet cud nt advise her on this. so, i leave it to the ladies here...as well, whats the basic custom that parents do for her daughter in this time? like, getting clothes,etc...???
     
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  2. 2bkind

    2bkind Silver IL'ite

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    I understand that in laws and society in general expects the girls parents to provide seer (gifts) for all the functions that follow the wedding. However, the first point to be noted here is the financial situation of the girls parents. Are they unable to provide the gifts due to inability or ignorance of the traditions or unwillingness due to some other reason? Ask your friend to think about the reason for their actions...
    To answer the second part of your question... the baby shower is normally held at the boys house only and the expenses are to be borne by them only. Traditionally the girls parents take snacks, sweets, savories, paruppu thenkengai, flower /garlands for the couple, silk saree for the seemantham, and also the bangles for valai kappu including stone studded gold bangle (if they can afford it) , and a pot (kudam) and pai (straw mat).
    This is as per what happened at my baby shower, it may vary from community to community...
     
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  3. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Your friend should turn a deaf ear to her PILs comments .
    Why should a girls parents keep on giving all the time? Whatever they give will always be less.
    If your pal wants her parents to bring presents then she can directly tell her parents that they are expected to bring certain things and list it out instead of cribbing.
    Then again she can prompt them to spend on naming ceremony etc. :bowdown
     
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  4. sheztheone

    sheztheone Platinum IL'ite

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    If her husband is understanding, she can perhaps get gifts herself and give them to her parents, so it will seem as if parents have bought the gifts. This is if she is very concerned about comments etc. from ILs about gifts from parents. I agree with flowerlady...why should the girls' parents always have to spend and buy "gifts" all the time? I have noticed that parents of some girls do not feel the need to bend over backwards for their daughter's ILs, and prefer to do only what they feel is necessary. Frankly, it is refreshing to note that such parents exist in our society.
     
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  5. riyagan

    riyagan Gold IL'ite

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    my frnd is from a well off family..her father retired as a govt college vice princi.. her elder bro married and in US but she has no contact cos of family feud due to her sil..younger bro working in a Mnc india...her parents stay in a small town still own few houses. she is least bothered about what her inlaws expect from her parents... she herself is wandering for some concern from her parents.. maybe, as it is her first pregnancy..i don know.. it doesnt seem that she like to ask her parents for gifts to calm her inlaws.. but for herself to feel that how much they care in this period. may be its becos of pregnancy she feel this way. i really want to suggest her something appeasing when i call her next time.
     
  6. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    How does it matter how rich your friends parents are?They could be rolling in money but if they dont want to spend on her then they cant be forced.
    Since when has caring been equated with gifts? If parents care/love then they should keep on giving gifts? More gifts mean more love???
    As I said earlier she should call up her parents and tell them what they should get to save embarrasment .
    But if parents are well off then they should keep giving expensive stuff?
    Pregnancy cant be blamed for this , maybe she feels embarrassed that her parents land up without any gifts!
     
  7. riyagan

    riyagan Gold IL'ite

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    i think i answered to 2bkind's post about financial situation of the parents... anyway, my point is wudnt the parents know that their dear daughter will be embarrassed in situations like these and repeatedly showing that they are unaware?

    just to answer the qns...i dont want "parents should give presents to appease the embarrassment of daughter? how atrocious" its not every single day that they hav to show their love..but these occasions are good chance to show affection and kindness to dear ones.. she is not expecting any expensive gifts ...thats very judgemental... just basic duty of parents on this occacasion.. she can ask for it or not..ultimately its their wish..
     
  8. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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    Maybe during the previous occasions they were forced to give & they don't feel like giving anything this time. May be they have houses, but not exactly running cash. You never know whether their son's are contributing to their parents or they are managing on their pension funds.

    If your friend is really concerned, she should call & ask them, If not for the pricey stuff just few things like sweets, flowers & fruits. Few people, don't like these unnecessary things, but they like to contribute as cash. Since your friend hasn't discussed with their parents, she may never know what they are thinking. Or if she is earning, she can give some money to their in-laws saying it as her parent's gave it as cash.
     
  9. payasa

    payasa Bronze IL'ite

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    Oh please... ask your friend to buy stuff for herself and stop expecting from mommy and daddy.
     
  10. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    first comes the not giving part....when its addressed by the girls parents...then comes remarks on what was given...its like a never ending cycle...
     
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