Feeling like ay in ‘Okay’ I typed my status, true to what I was feeling at the moment. I dreaded going home and took a detour to tea shop in my area. I switched off my mobile. Every one would be celebrating at home and I’m sure there will be a party this weekend. Sigh!! This is kind of day when I want to be invisible. ‘What’s up Rajib?’ Ram anna, tea shop owner asked me. A steaming glass of tea was placed before me. He is one of the few people who call me as Rajib than doctor’s son or principal’s son. My father is a famous physician in the town and my mother is the principal of the famous school founded by my late grandfather. My sister topped the academics and went on to study medicine in the famous college in Delhi. Today I received a message that my younger brother got complete scholarship in a foreign university to study B.S. I think god made me with his left hand;.I was an average student throughout schooling. My parents tried their best to make me shine like my siblings but I remain stuck to my 70’s when it came to marks and I study English literature in college. Though they never expressed it to me, I think they feel proud of my siblings. My friends, knew how I feel in overachieving family and how the remarks like ‘Are you really Saratha mam’s son?’ get my nerves. We used to frequent this tea shop post college where I used to rant about the pressure I’m facing. Though none of my friends are here with me this seems to be the best place to hide. I looked at Ram anna and said ‘Sanjay got a scholarship to study abroad.’ Ram anna knows how I feel to be in the family but today he asked me ‘You knew that is going to happen right? He was a bright student from the beginning.’ I don’t think I can handle today. Congratulatory messages from cousins in whatsapp groups, phone calls from relatives and I know most of the phone calls ends with ‘Hope Rajib is also fine’ as if I’m a topic not worth discussing. I think I would have spent hours in tea shop and after munching non stop samosas , Ram anna said ‘I know what can make you drown the worries..’ ‘No. I’m not going to. ‘ I said firmly. It’s not that I’m against drinking, I’m afraid of facing the glances and whispers from people, ‘Look that’s doctor’s son is drinking or Isn’t that school principal son?’ Ram anna laughed as he knew that’s going to be my answer. When it was almost dark, I paid and started going towards my house. ‘Rajib..’ I need not turn to know that’s my mother voice. ‘Where were you? I started calling your friends when someone from school called me and asked why your son is in tea shop for last three hours’ she bombarded me with questions after gesturing me to get into the car. ‘Rajib what is the problem here? I read your status. ‘ay’ in ‘Okay’ is not useless you know’ she started launching a lecture about it. ‘That’s the problem mom. I’m not intelligent. I’m not academically brighter. I’m someone average with no special talents. Our family could have done better without me.’ I shouted. Her face remained grim and I said ‘Please don’t say. not all five fingers are equal. I’m not in mood for it.’ I burst out and thankfully she kept quiet. I went to my room as soon I reached home and locked it firmly. I felt relatively better after shower and changing into my favorite black T-Shirt. Endless caffeine I had that evening didn’t let me sleep a wink. After ensuring the house is silent, I went to terrace. That was a full moon day and I felt at peace observing the beauty of moon. ‘Rajib..Are you okay now? ‘My mom came up the terrace. She handed dinner to me and I ate in silence. ‘I think it’s time to throw the T-shirt you are wearing.’ She said. ‘Why? What’s wrong this?’ I asked looking at it. ‘No way are we throwing this.’ I said firmly. ‘That’s nothing special. You have better ones.’ She said. ‘What non-sense? I like it.’ I said determined. ‘So do I. You like someone or something without any reason. You need not be academically bright to be special. If something makes you think that way, it’s just in your head.’ She said and started leaving the terrace. ‘Mom…’ I said without knowing why did I call her. ‘Yes…’ ‘Is it true?’ I asked her hesitating. ‘Everyone has these moments time to time Rajib. Many a times I feel I’m worthless as a mother; your father feels he is a useless son. We all fail somewhere when we compare our self with others. It’s an endless cycle.’ She said patting my shoulders. I smiled as the soft fabric of my T-shirt touched me and felt special.