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Awful Awful Husband...why Do I Feel Like I Need Him?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Patientone, Oct 4, 2019.

  1. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    that is a big thought for op. She must heed to your advice.
     
    hermitcrab and Patientone like this.
  2. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    Marriage is a school.
    2. You will have to grow up to manoeuvre to emerge triumphant within the school campus.
    3. Outside it is one hell of a place.
    4. You may fight in school. But outside school, it is all battles leading to huge wars.
    5. School is more protective. Principal, teachers all are strict. They expect pupil to behave their way. There will be assignments, targets, mini and maxi goals to be attained daily, weekly, monthly and annually. Problems and projects galore.
    6. There is no graduation in this school yet pupil in this institution relatively safer I believe.
    God bless you and your kid and hubby.
     
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  3. Patientone

    Patientone Senior IL'ite

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    It’s been 2 weeks since I left him india. He doesn’t bother to call me and all he wants is to see our daughter. Lately it’s just been me video calling him. Otherwise if I do call him we’ll have arguments.

    It seems like he talks to me rudely in front of his parents on purpose. Like to show them ‘look I’m sorting her out’. Funny how no one mentions how ill they are anymore. I miss him bit I hate how he has treated me and I don’t think he understands that. Do you think he misses me? I doubt he does. Plus in however long we have been married he has never lectured me about the use of MY + daughters name. I spoke to his eldest brother using My + daughters name and he lectured me saying it’s not only ur daughter it’s his daughter too. He told his mum who told my husband and then husband gave me a lecture. You’d think someone whose just been left by his wife would do more to build bridges in the relationship.
     
  4. Patientone

    Patientone Senior IL'ite

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    Also, in these two weeks at the start he said ‘You never know with you, you can’t be trusted...we’ve (in-laws and him) put our daughters name on the land’ as though I was going to eat it? Who’d want their smelly land....how rude...

    Do men ever change? Should I contact him or not?
     
  5. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    dont contact him
     
  6. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    You are still in contact and making sure your daughter interacts with her father. That’s very good.

    You have to continue communicating, because you can’t just walk away with no further interaction. This break from talking is just a break. Use this time to plan or figure out your next steps. When does he return? Or do you not know?

    I personally believe people don’t change. They just hide their true personalities better. I don’t think your husband is a horrible person, but he’s not showing signs of being a good husband. People might say you are exaggerating or overreacting, and that might make you question your sanity. Don’t try to fix things over the phone, but tell your husband that you two need to talk when he returns home. Find childcare and take time to talk to each other about how to make the marriage work. Or if you plan to leave, have you plans set, and use this time to tell him.
     
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  7. Patientone

    Patientone Senior IL'ite

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    I only contact him so that my daughter can video call him. He doesn’t even bother. But he speaks to her when I do call. It’s hard because I don’t know what to tell her when she asks about him. She’s 2.5 years old. He’s in India having his passport made as he lost it and I’m in the UK. He’s a guy that grew up in a village. Has a different mentality to me.
     
  8. Patientone

    Patientone Senior IL'ite

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    He can never sit down and have a chat with me because it gives him a headache like he’s shutting me off. Like I’m irrelevant. He tells his mum everything about me and my family. Like personal things he’s seen or heard when he lived with us. I thought he wouldn’t tell her and he said he didn’t because it would look bad on him. But after having that argument in India I’ve heard from people his mum told them so and so. I feel completely humiliated that’s he not only abused my trust, but my own parents trust and my siblings. They welcomed him into their own house like a son and he lived with them for 2 years rent free etc. Luckily he’s lost his passport and it’s taking him time to have new one made but he doesn’t care. He’s useless and he should have just gotten married in the village. I hate him yet I miss him. But I cant let him hurt me again. Plus he’s one to get revenge. He blabs everything about me and my daughter. I wish I could give him a taste of his own medicine. He’s extremely selfish. But I’ll leave it to God.
     
  9. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    So .Doesn't he bother to talk to his own daughter??
     
  10. Patientone

    Patientone Senior IL'ite

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    He talks to her when I reach out I.e when I call saying ur daughter wants to speak to you. Otherwise it’s no contact from his side. Not sure if it’s his ego or he’s just lazy.
     

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