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Awards 2016

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Balajee, Dec 21, 2016.

  1. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    As the year is drawing to a close, it is time to evaluate the landmarks and achievements of the year and honour those who have made a significant contribution to the rise or fall of Mera Bharat Mahaan. Every year we are spoilt for choice as there are so many candidates vying for various honours. But the job his relatively easy this year as the real achievers stand out (or stick out like sore thumbs). So here is the honorees’ list.


    The Don Quixote Award of the year goes to who else but our very dear NaMobhai! He promised to slay the dragon of black money but instead tilted at middle class windmills often breaking them or otherwise damaging them badly. Of course the windmills were officially declared as dragons. Dare to contradict that and you are a traitor, ISI agent and a terrorist.


    Much as we would like to confer the Marie Antoinette award too on him, we can’t let our dear Finance Minister Arun Jaitley go unrewarded. So Arun dear gets the award named after the French Queen who asked starving people to eat cake if they didn’t have bread (and lost her head for that s to the guillotine) . This is for telling people that if they didn’t have money, they should use credit/debit cards.


    And how can we forget their loyal minion, the Reserve Bank governor Urjit Patel? Well he gets the Muhammed bin Tughlaq award this year for the number of flip flops he has done on demonetization. Wow my dear chap besides this award I am sure you will find a place in the Guinness Book of World Records. Some 59 changes in the policy on depositing the old currency and withdrawal of new cash in just 42 days. That is certainly a record.


    Dear opposition, there is no need to despair at the awards being given to the government side. We have not forgotten you. And so the Golden Mongoose award for the year goes to who but Rahul Baba. Golden Mongoose? Why on earth Pappu? Elementary my dear readers, he promised a snake and mongoose fight with himself as the mongoose threatening to rip apart Modi’s cobra. Like the snake charming conmen of the yore who collected the money and disappeared without treating you to the fight, Pappu has fallen mum.


    And Pappu also bags the Seismologists Association of India award for predicting an earthquake. Of course, the quake never took place but come on, be fair. Seismologists are like meteorologists who when they it would be a sunny day it would rain.


    And there are no disputes on who gets the award for staging the theatrical event of the year –Mamata Bannerjee for her drama “Army Coup in West Bengal”. It was such an impressive piece that armymen were caught by surprise. Only after Didi made the accusation, they realized that they were staging a coup.


    And from theatre let us go to sports. The Sportsman of the Year award goes to who else but Sudip Roy Burman! Before you ask Sudip who? , let me explain. He is a Trinamool Congress MLA in Tripura legislative assembly who grabbed the speaker’s ceremonial mace and sprinted giving a good exercise to the marshals and other watch and ward staff who had a tough time catching him. I wonder why we send sportsmen to Olympics and other international sports events. We should send politicians like our dear Sudip. I am sure they would even win diamond studded platinum medals, way above gold medals.


    But dear Sudipda, you should be careful lest your boss Mamatadi suspects that you are trying to outdo her in the limelight hogging department and comes baying for your blood.


    Can any honours list be complete without the man with a ear shattering voice. Arnab Goswami? Arnab gets the Indian Medical Association award for his contribution to dramatically bringing down the number of people suffering from headaches.. Their number came down dramatically after he quit Times Now In fact the numbers fell so steeply that the pharmaceutical industry is in despair. There are very few takers for tablets like aspirin.


    And finally, the King David award of the year goes to Arvind Kejriwal for braving Goliath Modi and despite hurdles put by the central government trying his best to make life better for citizens of Delhi.


    That is all folks. In case you have any more recommendations do let me know. I will appoint a one man committee headed by me that will decide in another five years on your recommendations provided it doesn’t extend its term indefinitely.
     
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