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Attracted to my colleague

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by survive13, Jun 9, 2013.

  1. survive13

    survive13 New IL'ite

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    I am happily married for 5 years, I and my wife love each other enough to call it a happy married life. We also have a beautiful daughter...

    I am of late been more and more attracted to one of my colleague, she is a blonde and a gorgeous looking young lady, there is not many who would not turn to look at her...She shares a good friendship with me and she is good friends with my wife as well. We sit next to each other at work and i at times find it hard to take my eyes of her. When I lose myself in her beauty at moments I have fantasised having sex with her or on a trip with her. I had never felt like this in the past and I had always stayed away from such wavering thoughts to be truthful to my wife...but I am finding it very hard with this women...

    I once also priced her dressing to my wife, I don't feel right about it and I speak my mind so worried that I might one day over price this lady to my wife causing misunderstanding. I don't know how to handle this situation.

    Note that our married life is in no way monotonous and our sex life is also great...
     
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  2. SudhaMakesh

    SudhaMakesh Silver IL'ite

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    Hello

    It is a common feeling to get attracted by the way colleagues dress, talk or whatever they do.. but what you are having is not a common thing.. It is a path to disaster..

    Next time you feel like you can't take eyes of her. Try to feel another thing ... How will you feel if your wife knows about it... want a hard slap on the face.. Think about how your daughter will feel if her father is doing something like this.

    It is very easy to divert from unnecessary feelings like this.. Put yourself in your wife's position.. or put your wife in your position.. how will you feel if your wife feels the way you feel about the blonde with another man or the worst what if you are a father of grown daughter and if your daughter's husband is doing something like this. that hurts right..It may even make you angry to think about it.. that is how ur family will feel if they find out..Keep it run over and over in your mind whenever you feel like wanna look at the blonde.

    there is always a better choice or better person than everyone in some way... It is the love that shows the difference from others and our love..Not the look...

    If possible try to get a project change.. The better change has to come to your thoughts and actions... Every time you feel like you are doing something wrong just think about the reactions and effects it is going to bring... you will back off by yourself... Give your wife and daughter what they deserve (the trust and the real love).. Not what you can give...


    IF my message is harsh.. I apologize For the tone..
     
  3. Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    What you are facing is the 4 year itch, albeit a year late. You have settled into a happy monotone with a wife and a child and are mostly content. There is no excitement or novelty anymore. Then you see this colleague and she gets your palms sweaty and your heart racing, and you imagine yourself infatuated. Well the truth is your brain is producing a delicious cocktail of biochemicals that are making you feel the euphoria that occurs when we are newly in love.

    Realize however, that this feeling will not last. Whether you act on your infatuation or not, the excitement that you feel now will eventually fade. So look ahead and try to imagine the consequences of your actions. If you act on your fancies, you will go through a period of intense emotions, destroy your marriage and be left with nothing but a very guilty conscience and a ruined life. If you back off, compose yourself and tell yourself that your stable family is worth much more than momentary fun, you will save three people a lot of pain.

    A lot of men and women who have entered into stable committed relationships, go through a phase when they crave the rush of emotions they felt as teenagers. That is the mid-life crisis for you. But we are adults and unlike teenagers we can see beyond immediate gratification. We can differentiate real love from fantasy. The calm, uncomplicated love you feel for your wife is exactly that kind of love that lasts a lifetime. It is worth much more than some teenage fantasy. Choose wisely.
     
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  4. Cathyg

    Cathyg New IL'ite

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    how about using pictures of your wife as your wall paper, screen saver and start screen..that can resolve the situation
     
  5. Pallavi4me

    Pallavi4me Platinum IL'ite

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    A troll who is not knowing the difference between 'price' and 'praise'
     
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  6. steve

    steve Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank you from making it clear. I was going nuts about whether the blonde wears Prada....you don't wanna know what more :)
     
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  7. RadiantFlower

    RadiantFlower Platinum IL'ite

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    I know of a case where this did not help - this man, a member of a forum, even kept his wife's picture as his display picture...however that didn't seem to deter him from pursuing every single female on that website.

    He was caught and warned many times for sending crude, double entendre private messages on the pretext of friendship - and every time he would put on a virtuous act that fooled no one.
     
  8. Endlesshope

    Endlesshope Platinum IL'ite

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    I might one day over price this lady to my wife causing misunderstanding

    Got me really confused
     
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  9. sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

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    So what much did her dressing appraise?

    Over-pricing another woman to wife can cause danger to marriage.
     
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  10. Decentguy

    Decentguy New IL'ite

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    I sometimes over price the gifts that I buy for my wife so that she can praise my love for her. Works for me !!

    BTW My wife is priceless when I over praise her
     
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