Hi All, Have been passive visitor to IL though i had issues , being lazy to type I skipped writing but now I couldn’t hold bacl.I need all your views on the current situation I am in. Sorry it is going to be a long one, we are planning for a function in India (almost all rituals like a wedding, along with our son, done in our community). We had two options for the city lets say city A , city B and city C (geographically also city B is in center). Inaws live in City A , my side relatives and couple of their side relatives live in City B and most of their relatives live in city C. I didn't even propose my city (D) because my parents are no more and most relatives are in City B. I initially though City B would be a good choice, as my uncle can take care of the arrangements in City B and commute wise too it will be a center place (only inlaws and us have to go there before the function) and also close by to City C guests. But NO, in-laws insisted it happens only where they live, (even though they are only ones living in that city, OK fine. we have already booked a marriage hall as per their choice. They chose a hall something close to their home and didn't want to go into the center place citing convenience. If I raise any question, immediately my husband says, they are old they cannot roam around so much, and we cannot question them as they are doing us a favor! that finally is per their choice. fine. Next we were discussing lunch and menu items. For three meals,dinner,breakfast and lunch. she had sent us a menu 10 -15 items per meal and if we change something or reduce item she is like dont see money, you guys are coming from US,we need to impress, put north indian dishes to show status(according to her),even villagers are doing all this blah blah and all that crap. (I doubt if she would even think half as much if she was going to pay) I think food expenses itself would reach a lakh. Right now I am thinking i should let go off this petty thing. But the major problem is the invitation portion. They had drafted an invitation and sent to us, that reads like they are inviting everyone for this function (mentioning our names),as if they are the primary invitors. I had already checked from my side of the family and extended family for similar invitations. the format is whoever the function is for that couple is the inviters followed by both sides parents name. I felt that is very neutral and sent a format suggesting that. The yours faithfully section has his parents name and my late parents name below it on the left side and the right hand side will have our names. We just sent the format an hour back and while on the phone when my husband said the minor correction is that it will be like we are inviting,instantly my mom in laws voice broke,she became offensive saying this is not how it is done in our side...my husband said look at it first and we will discuss later. Within 10 mins we get a very rude and harsh email from FIL saying that 1.it is very disrespectful to them, 2. Including my deceased parents name below their name is like considering them also dead 3. They will not door deliver this invitation to their relatives 4. Remove his parents name and his siblings name from it 5. Do everything asp per our wish 6. They will not get involved 7. We can conduct this function after their death.! Immediately my husband called them, and she is like crying, dont kill us like this,we have another son too,we need to live for his sake..blah blah blah, my husband tried to explain ,I was only trying to give importance to my parents as well and nothing to disrespect them. She wouldn’t listen, she said for your wife since her parents are not there,she treats as if we also dont exist,not giving us enough respect I don’t see, where their respect have been compromised. They are there in the primary inviters list. But that is not enough,they want to take all the credit to themselves (even if we are paying for sll expenses) and boast among relatives.when that is not happening they cannot accept it. The invitation is neutral My question is when will the children get to conduct functions their way,if you they will be the primary ones.are we not adults? If this continues we won’t get to do any function in our name,the we will start imposing same things on our kids? Intervening in every small thing! I got soo mad, that they weren’t even ready to discuss it before sending out such email. I said call of the function. We had already paid full amount for tha hall and no refund but after all this,I would not want to do anything with them or the function! we even told them that,but she was saying no lets talk about it. My husbands stand is that he doesn't want to hurt their feelings, and they want things in certain way and if that is not going to happen then they will be upset. he doesn't want to take my side and blindly supports them.but he said cancelling is best with so much issues surfacing even at this early stage. I cannot go ahead after hearing so much from them. they cannot stand including my parents name? what sickening attitude..I dont want to ever see their face again. I am thinking to cancel the whole india trip. Let me know your opinions!