As a woman, why would you give dowry to get married?

From my experience, I don't blame groom's side but bride's parents as well.And it just doesn't stop at marriage...but for everything happening for "first"....guy's parents will expect girl's parents to give something...All the festivals in the first year...then gold to the first child,namakaran,gruhapravesh blah blah blah there is no end to it.

Why can't in laws celebrate or give for their son and d-i-l??

As girls being the age of 20's during our marriage if we protest then our parents will ask us to keep our mouth shut as they feel they are obliged to do for their daughter and ILs will not trouble her.

 

I hate our dowry system but there was dowry involved in my marriage. Ok let me try to explain...dowry is a common practice in my community...girls get dowry & boys inherit. That's how things were and still is in many families. Even remarriages happen with dowry. Everytime someone talk about a marriage they include how much dowry, jewels & other gifts girls parents are giving. Never thought too much of it, accepted it as the way things are. My parents when i was young used to say...you get such & such and your brother would get this & that, etc.

When I fell in love and wanted to marry my guy; parents got involved and arranged the marriage. My in-laws didn't demand any dowry but they did discuss about how much my parents would give (even though my husband clearly told them not to accept dowry even if it was offered). He kept quiet in the end because we didn't want to say anything to parents that could stop the wedding.

I was very immature at that stage & combined with my upbringing never questioned it at that time. Only after the wedding (i.e. after I moved out of my home town) & when I became more mature realised the problems with dowry system. I used to feel bad about it...my husband has since returned all the money his parents took during my wedding. I don't blame any individuals because it the culture in my community. People don't demand they just go with aliance where they get the dowry that they're expecting. Even now my parents & his parents talk about how much money I need to save up to get my girls married. Dowry might have been ok in olden days where girls don't inherit from parents & girls were not earning but not for this generation. Demanding dowry is pure evil.

Dowry is bad, it makes a marriage into a financial transaction. Different rates for different grades of groom & rates increase if the girl have any undesirable features. Affected people are guys who are not earning much and not so good looking poor girls. I wish I had the maturity to say no to dowry when I got married. All I can do now is make it clear to my daughters that dowry will not be part of their wedding (in the off chance that they want to go for an arranged marriage).

 

You remember it wrong! In the pvt conversation you are refering to, I said I never took any dowry. You said did you also split marriage expenses. I said no, marriage expenses were borne by girl's parents, but then we gave her jwellery worth more than what they would have spent in marriage party. We did not have any transaction at all. We spent more than they did, but we dont mind that part, as our expenditure was voluntary(as was theirs).

I don't know why you keep coming to my sister(I do have one who got married without any dowry - going by definition of JAG, we gave her jwellery and stuf but out of our own wish because she has a rightful share, her inlaws did not ask anything, may be assumed but then implicit expectations are always there from both sides).

Anyway, if you can't put the reason of giving dowry in words then it shall remain unanswered why girls pay dowry to get married. Those who do pay, they and their family shall understand and rest shall not. This was the important part I was looking for.

Why I called your remark sexist, is because you mentioned many DILs but few men. Am glad your position is now some men and some women. That is the spirit.

 

Talking of dowry reminds me of two very interesting cases.

The first of these took place in the 60's. The groom's parents demanded a dowry and a scooter for their son without his knowledge. The groom who was of rather radical views (for those times) returned all the money after the wedding. The bride's father felt very insulted and hurt over the matter. :crazy :spin

The second was what my cook had to say. She married her cousin and his parents demanded a dowry and his sisters kept telling him to ask for more on the wedding day. Now all is well, but that bitterness is still there in her mind. Now she has a daughter and she says he will marry the son of her sil and then let them harass my husband for dowry. He harassed us, let us see what he does when it is his turn to get his daughter married. Can you imagine what the situation would be if her son married her sil's daughter? Can you imagine how much she would harass them and the dil?

The desire for vengeance is something that is very hard to dislodge from the minds of human beings. And as long as such feelings and thought processes exist, I do not see an end to this dowry system.

 

I too completely agree. It is girl's property and it is her and her parents' private matter what goods were exchanged between them. At the same time, husband who does not bother about such private transaction, cannot be blamed for accepting dowry.

 

I would never give dowry to get married! Thats equivalent to selling myself.

Absolutely none! The guy is spineless, and needs my dad's money, and mine as well, to sustain himself.

 

IMO, not all girls oppose dowry. My ex colleague,when she got married, her father paid dowry, including cash and property, which was close to crore!! she said in a matter of fact tone that its common in her caste and her family will take dowry when her brother will get married.

 

Anony the reason why some girls dont mind being given dowry is because of the very crucial point Sally brought up ..the way Hindu properties were divided in the past.
Dowry and jewellery for the girl,land and house for the boy.
Dowry and jewels were to remain with the girl as her personal asset as long as she lived.

I personally know of many cases where the parents themselves wanted to give dowry saying that they dont want to deal with future problems with the Sons and DILs who might cut the daughter out of her rightful share of inheritance . They wanted to make sure property was divided fairly.

If things are done in the right spirit then I see nothing wrong in parents gifting their inheritance to the daughter at the time of her marriage. The problem is when greed comes into play and the guys parents start demanding . That is wrong and we need to put an end to it.