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As a woman, why would you give dowry to get married?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by blackbeauty84, Jan 3, 2012.

  1. AnanyaAjay

    AnanyaAjay Silver IL'ite

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    Good thread...

    Well I too say that it should be included in educational systems since high schools.. It should be part of the moral/ethics sessions...

    And Most importantly, many girls who oppose this in other's marriage, like friends marriage, they dont speak up in their own marriage when all this is happening. (Including ME:hide: ) I dont know what goes wrong with them in that time....

    SO Ultimately we have to be Firm in our decisions...
     
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  2. psych

    psych Gold IL'ite

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    Dowry is bad bad bad. All girls in india should go abroad for studies and then they themselves will start saying no to such alliances. but i have seen lot of cases where they are ok with it. sometimes the girls brag that thier parents gave 35 l as dowry to some guy becoz hes in us??
     
  3. anonymou

    anonymou Silver IL'ite

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    First of all, can we clearly define dowry? Which of the following shall you consider dowry:-
    1) A car given to son-in-law during wedding by girls parents
    2) A car given to couple during wedding by girls parents
    3) Utensils/home utility given to couple by girls parents
    4) Jwellery given to daughter during wedding by her parents
    I understand most of us object to most of the above as we mostly see them as components of dowry. How about these cases(would we/should we criticize these as well?):
    1) Jwellery given to daughter-in-law by groom's parents
    2) Car given to couple by groom's parents
    3) Utensils/home utility things given to couple by groom's parents
    4) Car given to son by groom's parents

    Most of us would consider these four benign. Most striking I believe is #1 and #4. Exchange of car from father to son is considered perfectly normal and private transaction, but of jwellery from mother to daughter is considered dowry and something that needs to stop.

    Or is it that the act of "demand" make dowry? If first set of four were not demanded but given out of free will (as what generally happens in set of last four), then they are not to be criticized?
    And may be these make a more difficult choice(boundary conditions?):
    a) 50k wedding dress of girl bought by her parents
    b) 1 L rs gold ring bought by girls parents to be given by the girl to the groom for engagement
     
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  4. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    A financial obligation that has to be met before the marriage can
    go on( in other words a demand both explicit and subtle) is a part of a dowry.
    If voluntary and done of their own accord ..then it is more a gift.
    Cannot say unless we know the circumstances. If the brides parents were to be told..unless #1-4 are met the marriage cannot go on..then yes this is also dowry.
    I am yet to see parents of bride demand jewellery for their daughter or a car for the couple. When given by the guys parents it has always been a generous gift.
    Unfortunately cannot say the same about the former(brides parents giving car/jewellery ) .
     
  5. anonymou

    anonymou Silver IL'ite

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    So you agree to this:

    If the gifts were not demanded or obligated, then they do not form dowry. In that case, we should not really criticize the girl's parents who are doing all this by free will and their own wish and then brag about it.

    Actually, I appreciate the caution excercised by JAG before classifying anything in 1-4 as dowry. We should excercise same caution, before terming any gifts recieved by the couple as dowry, even when marriage turns sour. What is usually reported as dowry in media(in reported cases of dowry harrasment), some(many?) of them may be generous gifts.

    Subtle demand is more difficult to tackle. Subtle demands usually exist from both sides in all cases. Everybody has expectation, how prosperous life their daughter will lead and how much of that prospoerity shall be contributed by the groom and/or his parents.
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2012
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  6. fencesitter

    fencesitter Platinum IL'ite

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    wedding expenses? Like, wedding hall cost, catering, etc? since girls side usually spend for such expenses, can it also be termed as dowry?
     
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  7. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Agreed. Subtle demands and financial match-making exists from both sides so that expectations are met without asking for it explicitly. Many times parents of brides( and brides themselves) do look at the 'status' of the grooms side before proceeding with any alliance.
     
  8. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Would I classify it as dowry ...hmm..good point ....In principle may be... but I wouldn't classify it as dowry since the groom side are not getting paid .
    I really hope that in future wedding expenses are shared.
     
  9. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    JAG

    There are grooms who are not great financially, but still soem girls do proceed with the marriage, hoping the groom is educated so can take care of his family i.e his wife n kids in future..


    But when people talk about subtle demands...really I have to insist that whatever comes from the grooms side wont be subtle at all...it will be in the form of demand and they keep insisting our relatives asked this...we lost our respect and name in relatives because of what you gave/didnt give etc..etc..(such demands cannot be called as subtle )

    Basically....if grooms side is complaining about what the girls parents had given.....I would treat that as dowry harrassment. (whether the groom/his parents asked for it or not...in a subtle way or demanding way...some have this habit of consistently comparing n badmouthing what they were given...and this is really dowry harrassment)

    coming to anonymous post..I have to say that...

    first of all why take money from girls side and give jewellery to her??? why this financial transaction at all.

    why not say...you give your daughter what you want to...and we will give her what we want to ....either in the marriage or after marraige...depending on what suits you...

    I hate the transaction of ..first grooms side asking money say 1.5laks..and then girls parents give that 1.5 laks and the groom side takes out 50 thousand and gives it to girls parents so that they buy stuff on the name of grooms parents...(CRAPPY)....why??? because finally its all the girls parents money...not even a penny came out of grooms pocked or his parents pocket isnt it???

    In my marriage my inlaws took an additional 50 thousand (apart from the dowry) in the name of marriage expenses:bonkI wondered...we booked hall, catering, entire marriage arrangements..what other marriage expenses they had:hide:...(may be to buy clothes for themselves and the groom i.e my husband:coffee)..sometimesI call this as cheap behaviour. be a parasite on girls parents and extract as much as you can...(sometimes demands come at the last moment so people cant even step back thinking its just money lets give it and be done with it)...but above all...after marriage the same parasites complain on the quality of sarees/sweets that they received....:spinpakka...begging behaviour!!!

    Another crap is....grooms parents comparing what they gave for their daughters wedding..or how much they got for their other sons wedding or what their relatives got during wedding....(its like who is the best extractor of money contest)...basically I will say shame on the GROOM because he has to know that he is really begging money(though in a indirect way..)

    And yes we can say no to such grooms..but frankly speaking 90% of grooms are like that...either they demand openly or let their parents beg...so the girl or her parents out of peer pressure or societal pressure eventually pay the money..(These days things have changed...I have seen couple of girls in my relatives who said no when some grooms parents demanded dowry or gifts)
     
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  10. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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