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argument with husband

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by mybaby1, Jan 24, 2012.

  1. mybaby1

    mybaby1 Gold IL'ite

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    thanks for the reply ladies and putting in your valuable time and effort..i will try to take in your advices..

    regds,
    mybaby1
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2012
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  2. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    You should go with your DH for the engagement as its a function. If DH is not bothered with his business losses why are you making it an issue? Let him deal with it.
    Maybe he feels that since its about his Sis getting married he would do his utmost even take a loan.
    To you she is a SIL , to him she is his kid sister.
    Back home people love getting gifts from abroad even though they can afford to buy it here, they feel proud and show-off the gifts.
    By non -co operation you will miss the function and goodwill.Let him take the loan and happily do the shopping, your DH will be thrilled !
     
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  3. LoukyaDevi

    LoukyaDevi Silver IL'ite

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    Totally agree with flowerlady, the minute you go against your husband,they will be stubborn not to change their decision. I faced such things earlier just after our married life began. I never said 'no' to him. Infact even I was very worried about our future but I never let him knew abt it. Once he tasted loss in business and his responsibilities increased, he slowly stopped giving such things. Now I myself ask him if any gifts have to be given to them, but he says 'no'. Just stop worrying, and let him give whatever he wants, just tell him that you are fine until your's and your baby's needs are taken care of you do not have any problem. He will definitely understand!
     
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  4. SSNmom

    SSNmom Bronze IL'ite

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    Yes Loukya Devi is correct!!.. I too have 2 SILs and my MIL also behaves the same way. Once you try to oppose your husband for what he is giving he will feel that you are against his family. Understanding that, he may try to hide things from you like what he is giving to others thinking you may argue with him. So always go by his way and slowly expalin him your condition like business loss and how you are adjusting. Arguing and fighting will not help.
     
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  5. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Mybaby

    Your MIL did understand your situation here, she didn't ask for gold or silver after all its only dry fruits.. there is no need to get irritated and fuss about it..

    You are not going to the engagement stating two reasons.. please be honest will those two reasons apply if it is to be your own sibling's engagement ?????

    This kind of behavior must be irritating your husband which in fact has made him to be more stubborn, if only you voluntarily shop for gifts and show keen interest in attending your SIL's function then probably you can see different DH. JMO
     
  6. tanoshii

    tanoshii Platinum IL'ite

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    I'd agree with what the ladies have said here. It becomes a brother's duty to do this for his sisters. My dad still does keep the tradition and I'd like my husband to do it for his sister. And I am on the receiving end from my brother too.

    There are some decisions that can be difficult in a marriage, but does not mean they can or should be ignored altogether. Especially the customs in our country - sending gifts to the bride-to-be as a brother is one big important thing.

    You should go along and enjoy it as well. I understand as a woman in a family, your own family and your own financial status matters more to you...but some things just can't be avoided.
     
  7. mybaby1

    mybaby1 Gold IL'ite

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    thanks for the reply..
     
  8. mybaby1

    mybaby1 Gold IL'ite

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    thanks for the reply
     
  9. LoukyaDevi

    LoukyaDevi Silver IL'ite

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    That's true that giving gifts cannot be completely stopped. Frequent giving gifts as you mentioned in OP will reduce. I ask him even now to take gifts,he would immediately say 'No' in a sense like "Not much budget to buy costly" but I convince him to buy for children atleast. I buy chocolate and sweet packets for them everytime I visit them, coz they long for it. And sometimes when I go for shopping I buy sarees for my MIL and co-sisters in my own shopping budget. It is just the way how you manage things by supporting your husband as well. Things would definitely look simple and easy!
     
  10. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear friend,
    You have written that in your elder sisters marriage your DH took care of gold and other expenses , now he is doing it for his own sister and you are objecting!
    Another point which is debatable is that your Dh would not have been there then who would have done this?? This reasoning is ridiculous , then we can say that if your DH had not married you then this would not have happened!! This type of impractical reasoning can go on and on.
    Regarding dry fruits , people feel proud to get dry fruits from abroad , this is a petty matter.
    Your parents will not ask your DH / Son inlaw to get dry fruits and even if they did you will happily buy and give.
    Most sons do contribute in their sisters weddings , its futile to spoil your relationship with your DH and in- laws for money which can always be earned.
    Blood is thicker than water , its your Dhs sisters wedding , better be graceful and attend , your DH will anyhow take the loan.
    There are so many ladies writing that their hubby does not like mixing with their family , can anyone do it if a wife creates so much fuss? Your DH too may feel hostile towards your family.
    Pick your battles .
     

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