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Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Tugga, Jan 23, 2012.

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  1. Jan 24, 2012 #21
    Ganaraya

    Ganaraya Bronze IL'ite

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    i find your post strange, not hilarious. if a person knows eating cuttlefish gives them all kinds of unpleasant side-effects, yet continues to eat it knowingly...why bother asking for quick-fix remedies time and again? it's not the advisor's fault if the remedies are not to the questioner's liking and comfort.

    it's the cuttlefish. until you don't see the wisdom in taking advice and stop eating it, you are going to suffer. why blame others if the remedy is not going to fix the slow poisoning you are subjecting your body to. you are only young for so long, by the time you realize that quick fixes do not work long term and meanwhile you have been knowingly damaging yourself, it will be too late.

    don't blame the messenger.
     
    Ganaraya, Jan 24, 2012
    Ganaraya, Jan 24, 2012
    #21
    9 people like this.
  2. Jan 24, 2012 #22
    nemesis

    nemesis Platinum IL'ite

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    poster: I have severe stomachache and I think it is because of my diet. I had cuttle fish (kanavai) for lunch. I need quick remedy, as I am not comfortable with the pain now.

    Poster zzzz: It is all KARMA.

    Some valuable lessons of life are taught here. Not mere painkilling alone..
     
    nemesis, Jan 24, 2012
    nemesis, Jan 24, 2012
    #22
  3. Jan 24, 2012 #23
    kma

    kma Gold IL'ite

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    With due respect to all concerned, I agree with Tugga in some areas. There are certain posters who genuinely want to help but are frustrated sometimes , and there are some posters who treat it like an academic problem and not like one where people's emotions are involved.


    One man's food is another man's poison. Not all of us want the same things nor do we respond to the situation in the same way. Unless it is physically harmful or life threatening, I believe we should let the OP have the freedom to decide what she wants. That said, even the OP should understand that they may come across posts which are not to their liking since they posted it online and respect others opinions too.

    But even I feel that sometimes the posters go overboard. It would be helpful if they understand that the OP must already be under a lot of stress to have posted it online in the first place and not increase thier stress level with personal attacks.
     
    kma, Jan 24, 2012
    kma, Jan 24, 2012
    #23
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  4. Jan 24, 2012 #24
    Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Shanvy

    I really liked the above lines... This is what exactly I feel here

    Dear Puspita

    I hope so...

    Dear Naksh
    Dear Naksh... This is what always makes me pissed off... Oh God..
    What is the point in asking, and repeatedly asking the same when the OP has a complete different view point in it? Do they expect the OP to come back and say... Oh.. Poster A, I am sorry.. It was my great mistake, I accept it, and please tell me what do i do with the kid now? Come on...
    It is like why did you eat cuttle fish? Tell me why??? Dont you know that you did a harm to your stomach by doing this? You are a selfish woman, you ate this for the taste of your tongue and now you let your stomach in pain.. Oh God... For a human there is no difference between his tongue and stomach. All are just part of their body. Like wise, for a new mother there is no different between her own self and child. No mother would let her child suffer with pains by eating unwanted meals (at least I wont do so). Its a simple example only... But I really felt pain in my heart after repeatedly reading a few posts that said I am being a selfish mother and I intentionally put my kid's life in trouble because of my selfishness. I really dont know how much of help such comments would have been provided to the OP, other than hurting her and affecting her self confidence?

    Sometimes I even thought, like what do they want me to do now? Are they expecting me to send my kid to a children home and fix my life? Come on guys, My kid is here with me.. Now you need to either give me solutions as to how to make my life better together with my kid or to leave the thread and focus a new one that better suits you. Simple..

    Dear JAG

    You said this is my own words.. I dont know from which thread you have stolen these lines? I might have posted the same, but definitely there would have been a page of explanation, that would have been described the picture in a more clearer way. Just a one line sentence can not describe the exact picture...

    I just cant make a baby right? I didnt have a test tube baby or a cloning one. After all, its a natural baby making process :)

    Initially my husband agreed that we make a family (with baby) 01 year after marriage, hence he asked me to accept this international assignment for 01 year immediately after marriage. I agreed, things went well, and I completed the first year without any major issues.

    When I started talking about returning, and making a family (specially our age and other matters), he refused. He said he expects me to work a few more years (may be 5 yrs) there and then decide about our family. I didnt agree, rather argued with him... He said he was not ready for a kid then, reason he wanted to settle in life with my income. He thought my job/career would get affected due to this decision (those days I stayed in a non family duty station). Then I noted that he is not on his sense as his dad too had the same opinion, rather he threaten my family to advice me for not going for a baby now. HEnce I resigned and returned. When I had no job, and no plans for a job, my husband started coming to my way and then he eventually agreed for a baby. I promised him that I will go back to work and give both the dad and kid all the comforts as much as I can. I do the same now.

    It is with his fullest consent only I got conceived, and he was the one who jumped to the sky after seeing 2 lines on my pregnancy kit.
    It is not that I hided this from hubby or stopped taking contraceptive without his knowledge.. No.. With his consent, we have unprotected sex, hence i conceived... He cant claim that he didnt know or didnt want a kid then? Then how you all can claim?

    Just picking one line from a whole thread is not a good idea dear... Sorry, please do not divert this thread also...
     
    Tugga, Jan 24, 2012
    Tugga, Jan 24, 2012
    #24
  5. Jan 24, 2012 #25
    Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Crazysans

    Nope, its not only happening to me, it is the case for many posters who have already left the forum/site for the same reason. Hope moderators know this fact very well.

    Nothing wrong... Being harsh to make your point clear is not bad.. It is right in a way as you all wanted to save me. I agree. Many of you have given me so much advises/suggestions that helped me to grow all this way up and stand on my own leg at this time of conflict. If not you guys, i would have been died long back due to all such disappointments and failures. But i fought back and become strong... This is indeed a success for an emotional idiot like me. And I owe this success to you guys who stood by me always.

    BUT///BUT.... There are a few people, who showed their true colours in between and made me suffer more and more. They tried their best to attack my self esteem. They made sure that I never come up or live my life forever with such guilty feeling. That's why I am upset.

    For example... Asking repeated questions about why did you have kids means what?
    Repeatedly saying that you are a sinner, you made a mistake, you are selfish... what sort of help is that?
    To top it up, some said that I am the worst mother that they have ever seen because I brought my kid to this world at the time of misunderstanding? By saying this repeatedly what are they going to earn other than spoiling my confidence level, that's the only source that is going to help my future.
     
    Tugga, Jan 24, 2012
    Tugga, Jan 24, 2012
    #25
  6. Jan 24, 2012 #26
    Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Ganaraya

    Common dear... Where are you on this earth... ????
    Cuttle fish is one of the very tastiest sea food in this world... Almost all the non veg eaters know this, despite the fact that the fish might cause the stomach pain for those who have gas issues. But no one would stop eating it for this simple matter of pain... Rather they all will look for remedies, be it home remedy or prescribed medicines by the doctor to continue the dish.

    Sometimes the pain will go away with time, sometimes small amount of remedial medicines would help, and for those who have severe pain, need a medical help. That's all...

    There are so many sea foods that cause such side affects, some meats too... But being vegetarian is not at all a solution for this.

    Asking the person as to why did you eat cuttle fish or complaining repeatedly as the OP has made a great sin by eating cuttle fish will never be helpful.

    If you feel that you are not helpful, then leave it... If you feel that your advice is not followed then do not force it, let someone else will jump in and give a different advice.

    A vegetarian can not always advice a non vegetarian on certain stuff, hence such vegetarians shouldnt force the others to follow their philosophy, rather they should understand that they are different from the OP, and let a non vegetarian poster to give advise. This forum is for everyone, not only for you.

    But in this case, many vegetarians comes in and post their opinion and force the OP to follow them. Once the OP denies, they star bashing at her... And eventually the thread gets diverted and loses its importance. That's what I see as a problem here.

    Sorry vegetarian friends, I just used you as an example... Because I started my thread with cuttle fish and needed a word to fit into this context... Nothing personal.
     
    Tugga, Jan 24, 2012
    Tugga, Jan 24, 2012
    #26
  7. Jan 24, 2012 #27
    flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Tugga,
    If you know that cuttle fish does not suit you but insist on eating it then be prepared for the side effects.
    Carry the antidote with you instead of asking for remedies again and again or people will say that you should stop eating it altogether.
    Why blame the poor cuttle fish for your problems , probably some may enjoy it without any side effects.The cuttle fish could suit someone.:eek:mg:
    The zero may turn into a hero and get sympathy and TLC from someone, the shoe could be on the other foot .
    The cuttle fish will love this post!:)
     
    flowerlady, Jan 24, 2012
    flowerlady, Jan 24, 2012
    #27
  8. Jan 24, 2012 #28
    Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    I had the same issue in my life... I loved cuttle fish, but it caused stomach pain... I asked my mom, and relatives for remedies, and they did offer quick home made remedies, but they didnt work. I continued eating and the pain continued, but rather in a reduced/adjustable way. Also I stopped having it full plate, but reduced the intake. Still, I continued asking remedies from my friends and any new known people as I felt I still want the cuttle fish without any pain... Some helped, some advised exactly the same way like "stop eating it or stop asking for advises". But it is not the remedy... I thought they should have kept quite rather than advising. Some even started saying that I am being unreasonable here, but what is your problem????

    After so much efforts, I finally found someone, who too had the same problem as me in eating cuttle fish, but now controlled his pains.. He advised, and I followed. I keep on giving that advice to those who sails in my same boat.

    I still eat cuttle fish and there is no pain in my stomach... I enjoy my food and I find my attempts on asking helps from various people was helpful... Coz there will be always someone sailing in the same boat as me, who could understand what I think... Only problem is those who come in, and give advice and then expect me to follow their advice and once I stopped following they start speaking nonsense about me and diverting my intention of asking help... So, it will eventually stop the person who has handful of suggestions to help me, but he will get confused after reading all the diverted posts (that has been purposely posted by some people) and stop responding. Here I find my attempts of getting helps are failure because of some unwanted posters.

    There was a demand (my question), and there was a supply (the perfect responded), but due to unwanted jamming, the supplier fails to meet the demand... That has happened in my case here.
     
    Tugga, Jan 24, 2012
    Tugga, Jan 24, 2012
    #28
  9. Jan 24, 2012 #29
    SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    If this is for all the posters in IL, I would like to say one thing....

    Posters here atleast some of them who know you and your problem well for years together....pls try to understand that they can assess where you are coming from....all of us dont want you to make life changing decisions just based on what people say here...

    but there are somethings like...having a kid, going for divorce, accepting abuse, running away or eloping to get married to the guy you love or marrying someone inspite of your gut n circumstances telling you its wrong.....such situations are best assessed when you put the problem in such forums...because you get 100 diff. thoughts...directions...suggestions...good / bad....be happy there are people who are patient enough to write to you...why are stones not thrown at every post thats posted on IL...why only at some posts??? may be because the posters see its soooooooooo clear why is OP closing his/her eyes....whats wrong with OP that may have been the first instant reaction!!!!!!!!!

    Inspite of hte advice you get....if you happen to have a kid...and then again another...and post useless comments about your spouse...I have to say..I have more respect for that spouse than the poster!!!!

    Tugga

    coming to your personal situation...I wanted to post in the other thread...but didnt want to initiate another discussion as the Mod has calmed that thread....but because you raked it up again here...let me tell you...

    go back to your last posts in that thread..read how many times you called your husband a HOPELESS person...and why did we (atleast me) got upset about you having a kid with this man??? because all these were predicted an dtold to you not just by me but even by several posters some of them who are not active in the forums here ...(sadly I am still around...)...inspite of all this...you want quick remedy to fix him???? you couldnt do it in these N no. of years you were married and suddenly you want a quick remedy...to top it...you are confused...whether your husband should change because you have a kid now....and youw ill say no no I dont want him to change...that was not hte point to have a kid....my husband is what he is...

    Basically the point about kid....why was kid a problem here?? if you disrespect your spouse infront of your kid....how does that sound down the line?? how will it look? if you dont disrespect and if you still keep quiet and take what is thrown at you...how does that look? both the situations are not going to do any good to you or to your kids mental state...you can stop your kid from mingling with your husbands side family...what aobut down the line??? why is it that the kid has to STOP visiting his/her grand parents just because you dont like them??? is that right?? dont say ohhh they dont like him too....you never know...they may patch up with their grand kid.....

    Feeling bad...after having a kid...this is not what a responsible parent does!! People talk about FINANCIAL PLANNING before /after having a kid....basically they should also talk about the adjustment planning as per me...whehter they both are ready or not....dont say your husband was ready and then he changed and then he was ready and then he jumped and bumped n what not....this guy changes his thoughts n acts at the drop of a hat...he couldnt have a job all these years...and you trusted his word and had a kid???whose fault is it ??? sad part is..if you had waited..and shown that as a reason for the wait..may be your husband would have learned some responsibility..but now that he sees , he has a family, wife n kid, wife earns, he sists at home and eats...why work??? his life is going smooth....why worry!!! he doesnt have to do chores...because there is a maid...money..you will provide...what is the motivation for this guy to change his ways??? when he was getting everything on a plate....

    I am not saying he may never ever change....I have seen men who have changed as soon as they heard their wife is pregnant...or when the baby is born...but their case is totally diff. they were working..atleast responsible in one or hte other way....if they were abusive, the abuse eventually disappeared...more worry about the baby and babys future kicked in....your guy had several chances...and you still are ready to give chances....nothing bad...but you know what he is.....and atleast some of us know what he is...pls STOP giving us the movie scenes and screen play of what love n affection is....
    I am not waiting or expecting any apology from you...and basically its not the tone or the way posters said things that made me MAD!!!! it was your ATTITUDE!!!!...you were just blownofff with people asking you why you did what you did!! its like you are taking out the anger of your home on us..instead of understanding why people were asking you these questions?? you couldnt handle couple of us here...what will you do when your kid asks you these questions??

    Marriage and having kids is not a race!!! pls...ladies...everyone...remember that...there are women who had kids in their 40s also...remember...when things are not going right...kids wont solve anything...god forbid if you are left alone with a kid..its more painful.....what if he fights for custody...what if kid is handled by another wife of your spouse...what if kid never gets to see his mom/dad....if a single grown up woman cannot handle the emotions of seeing a happy couple and a family..think the plight of a kid ...on the other hand if you make hte kid as a reason to hang on to the marriage....be ready to take what is thrown at you by your spouse...with a smile...do not demean or disrespect the spouse..because it was not spouses decision to put up with his behaviour...it was your decision....

    Even Therapists are going to ask you why you did what you did..so that you inner feelings can come out..your thoughts your plans..so that when you tell them to someone, actually you would kind of reevaluate them

    No matter how much angry you get at others....you made your own decisions...this is marriage we are talking about there is no quick remedy...if you like to eat cuttle fish or some crab that gives pain but tastes great....go ahead.....because diff. people have diff. tolerance capacity...if you end up in a hospital for a surgery..dont blame the cuttle fish!!!!! or your inlaws for not being supportive or for not taking care of you....it was your decision to eat it.

    A person who compares life decisions with eating a cuttle fish or some other thing....I dont know how serious are they about their life...atleast for me there is nothing hillarious.....or atleast Tuggas situation is not similar to eating a cuttle fish...the pain you go through in a post partum, or when a spouse leaves you with a kid at home and goes partying and clubbing with friends...and when a baby is waiting for a glass of water when the father roams on streets irresponsibly..and we compare with cuttle fish...(I dont know either I have to keep quiet or may be bad days for Tugga..because what ever words she is choosing to convey..are all wrong wrong n wrong)

    I am trying my best to control my anger....but I am just feeling you are a lost cause:( sadly...I wish you the very best...have no harsh feelings or bad anger...my anger is all about how you got caught up in the web of emotions and took all wrong decisions inspite of these many people telling what was bound to happen......


    About many other posters who left the forum, Tugga let them talk about their story as to why they had to run away...they had an option to report the posts and many other ways if they felt what you said..(sadly now you are bringing others into your issues to gain support...:)...please stop this game of insisting n getting what you want to do...here I say.....You win...I Loose...(i am taking this personally Satchi. (the mod)..nothing against anyone here)You are right..I am wrong...Whatever you did is the right thing....you eat as many cuttle fish you want in life...hope you find as many quick remedies as you want!!! good luck...I will always be happy to hear something good from you....(after all that you have gone through...)
     
    SriVidya75, Jan 24, 2012
    SriVidya75, Jan 24, 2012
    #29
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  10. Jan 24, 2012 #30
    justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    After reading ur recent posts ..Tugga I have begun to actually feel sorry for ur DH.
    The more u write...the less credible ur story sounds.
    Poor guy he has to put up with this each day ...along with u calling him
    a dog and a beggar on the street...May god show mercy on him .

    Tugga before I bid adios to all ur threads in future....I have a parting advice.U need professional help. Please talk to a doctor and go for counseling.
     
    justanothergirl, Jan 24, 2012
    justanothergirl, Jan 24, 2012
    #30
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