Are we on the right path?

Dear Tugga

You described very nicely!!!!

all points are 100% true.....really some people just come and write whatever they want....
It may hurt the OP...dont know how people cant realize???

problem can come to anybody anytime....yes ur fish eating problem is not the same as a married life problem....its an example...but yes at least we can advice some valuable things by understanding the problem....

hope the people giving negative comments at least can realize their mistake after reading ur post...

 

Something that all posters including myself have to understand here is...

no one has any grudge against OP!!! our parents/siblings/spouses/kids/friends/neighbours wont tell us sometimes where we are unable to see clearly..because they see us face to face and may not be able to put it down in clear cut way as to whats wrong or whats right....or may be because they also get carried away with the emotions and situations as they may be involved in the situation along with us...

but when it comes to online forums like this....if OP can be truthful to themselves and put the situation details as is....people here without anypersonal gain or emotional attachment answer OP....I have seen some posters...who almost do the handholding thing through the entire episode until OP calms down or finds some solace....

the real glitch comes in...when OP always has the SAME problem even after years together...and everytime the intensity of the problem goes up and up ...only because she doesnt think of any of the scenarios or the suggestions or thoughts thrown at her...basically OP has the right to do what he/she wants to do...no harm in that...but when you have set of people who suggested what may happen down the line....and hte same exact thing happens down the line to OP, still OP wants to do what suits him/her.....(can we actually get anymore serious with such OPs??)

it is like constant whining about the situation...doesnt want to see light in the problem...no...I am not saying posters here are experts...but remember, not evryone has time to make all the mistakes in the world...if I dont learn from others mistakes ..god only can save me!!!

our WWW world has given us the great chance to share n learn from each other...a thought which may have never come to my mind, may have been postedon the forum,....but if I keep my eyes n ears closed and go about making the mistake that I wanted to......I have all the right....but from my personal stand point..I sure know and think inside my heart...they said so...this was bound to happen....

We all talk about liberation , womens right and what not...but frankly speaking we have to understand as a woman, how many selfish deeds we do, we know we are wrong, we know we are making and taking wrong steps...but still we blame others for our situation...

Being independant and modern doesnt mean being financially independant or highly educated, it also means taking ownership of our own decisions...living with what we have...and making the best out of it...if I complain after every step I take, I sure would get some stones because thepeople who are throwing stones at you...their intention is not to hurt you, but you wake you up and ask you, havent you seen this coming...havent some of your friends here suggested this...

If a poster blames the inlaws/husband and calls them monsters we all like to read n post pages n pages of it...but when we women make the mistake and some point out, we dont like to read it..

 

That was hilarious..lol
I read the first post and a few others after that..I believe I got the picture right.

I intend no offence to women-kind with this:
I believe women are like that.....We babble on about stuff, thrown in irrelevant yaps every now and then, confuse the problem more that it needs to be, cry, laugh and even swear at it...but that is how we are as a species..At least I know many including me who are like that. And by the end of the day, I feel better after I've shared my quota of opinions as long as no one is getting too much absorbed into it and ends up getting offended intentionally. I know thinking about what someone else thinks is not going to change our lives, but it sure makes it interesting..lol. So I would not mind the extra, extra, extra long posts before getting to the actual point of solving the problem..he he..helps me laugh at myself

 

LOL - Funny Tugga. And there is truth to it. Specially the above point - lemme give an example which i find ridiculously hilarious and hilariously ridiculus LOL - first 'your honor' type of line would be - 'Why did you have kids' - well if we knew such thing would happen why would we.........come on....now. Help us. Past is past we cant turn the time - just leave it by cautioning about not having future kids. Thats all. Dont hammer and stick witht e same point. And dont get hyper if your advice is not followed. Thisis just a phorum where sometimes people would ocme to vent so - they can deal real people in real life well - with otu any frustrations.Support.

 

Naksh

sorry to say.....people know it would happen...I guess you got to read the past and present and say why some posters ask or post that hammering stuff....

Basically IL forums helped me understand some of womens mentality...As Tanoshii said...if someone posts a problem, we should say yes yes, you are right in feeling the way you are...everyone is wrong n bad..you are right....your inlaws are monsters..you are such a great catch for your husband..he is not fit to be married to you..but still you are devi of patience...etc.etc..thats it.

dont point out OPs mistakes, or how she ignores the future and circumstances.....

Venting is totally a diff. thing Naksh.....even in that scenario if someone is constantly venting about the same point, wouldnt you suggest to take a diff. path and see that the person fixes it for their own peace of mind and good health??

I wanted to write more..but I guess I have hammered it enough....if people still dont get it...its their problem.

 

No Naksh...
The issue is not so simple. Tuggas stand has been..
"Yes I know the situation is bad but I want to do it/did anyway ...now tell me what should I do cos it hurts ?
Just don't ask me to go down the path I am already on."
Her own words...yes I know my DH was not ready for a kid and was not responsible...but I wanted a kid..so went ahead and had one.

It has never been.."I didn't know things were this bad..I made a mistake...how can I recover?"
There is an ocean of diff.
People cant fix problems if they never accept they made a mistake jn the first place. It is very comforting to think that everyone around u..including the posters on IL are at fault but that is not going to help you.

 

Duplicate! Dupilicate!

 

arey where did my post go :rant.....hmm lets try again.

Hi Sri Vi. yeah, i could be wrong. but hehehe her post was funny....so respodned. Thanks Sri Vi.

JAG - Hayyy! Good to see you JAG. after along logn time. before i divert. Yep like i told to Sri Vi....was very funny , had to respond but yeah like you both said - when things are serios /serios issue - yep will go with you both.

 

Tugga,

Hilarious Example. Some may say 'have some more cuttle fish' - mulla mullala thaan edukanum :rotfl...

Each person is unique comes with different opinion, but it would be good if they post unhurtful words to OP.

 

Love you Tugga for your attitude and your logic. But since you are asking if we are on the right path, can I ask you something back? How many other threads have you followed, where the OP was hurt/ or given a harsh comment? Why is it happening to you only? Ever thought of this? Hope your logic would answer you very clearly why it was like that.

If you are expecting people to respond to a person in EMA and want to continue to do that in the same way we respond to a person who wants to eat a cuttlefish and asking for remedy, no the responses are not going to be the same, at least not with the same intensity. If we have done something wrong , we should either should admit that without any ego, or accept people when they point out that you have done a mistake. If you say you had a kid and it's not wrong in your perspective, people will definitely come back and explain you in a HARDER way to make you understand. That doesn't mean that they hate you / something here. It's just the intensity of voice raising when you see somebody going deeper and deeper into their problems and that's because of a wrong perception. Won't you start raising your voice on your son for ex in below situation?
Your son has caught fire and burnt his hand once, even after you warned him. And after few days he is again doing the same thing with some power cable etc, and not listening to you this time. I see the same pain in some posters harsh comments here, rather than thinking they are hurting.

Tugga,
The day I first responded to your post, I was in tears and told my husband about you as I had a similar story in my family. He was inturn asking me how could you have time for this long post such early morning when you have to rush to office?Why don't you see the positive side of people's comments dear? Why do they have to spend hours time together, for your problem, when they are no way related to you? It's the same love, belongingness and sympathy towards a fellow lady that made us ( either me or SriVidya or anybody who you think have hurt you) to be a bit harsh with you.

Finally if my comments had ever hurt you I am happy to say sorry dear. Please accept my sincere apologies.But I have always posted with a hope that I might help you to make your thought process straight and bring it back to reality.