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Are we on the right path?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Tugga, Jan 23, 2012.

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Jan 23, 2012 #1
Tugga Silver IL'ite

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Moderators:- Please move this thread if it is not appropriate here.

I just thought of starting a new thread... It is not about my personal issue, but about how we handle a problem here as online community.

IMO, the way we handle cases, that too specifically in a forum like family and relationship is not up to the standards. It needs further moderation...

I am just giving you the following example, just funny though... But needs a reality check.

A poster comes in and says, I have severe stomachache and I think it is because of my diet. I had cuttle fish (kanavai) for lunch. I need quick remedy, as I am not comfortable with the pain now.

Ok.. Let's see how this case is handled here:-

Poster A: Why did you eat cuttle fish? Dont you know it is not good for stomach?

Poster B: You must be food oriented woman, you should learnt to stop your cravings, otherwise it will be like this forever.

OP will comes in: Guys I am still in pain..:bowdown I know cuttle fish is not good for stomach, but it is very tasty. I love to eat it, so I dont want to refrain from eating it. I am still young, so want to taste everything.. But I need your advises as on how to reduce my pain now.. and possibly in the future?

Poster C: You are not listening to us... You are not following our advice here, but you come back and ask for advice? Strange?:bonk

OP again: Oh guys, I am clear that I dont want to stop eating cuttle fish, but I hear there are some medicines available in the mkt, that is not harmful. Does anyone knows that? I feel like eating it and I know people those eating that without a problem.

Poster A: You are adamant, and you are so proud about being young... You are not listening... May be you are belong to stone age, where people ate anything and everything.

OP: Stop this nonsense... I am not the person as you describe here. I wanted a remedy for my problem.....

Poster B: Well said poster A, you nailed it right. She seems proud, her background needs to be checked. She is not listening? If she can not manage her stomachache, then how will she manage her office and home?

Poster C: You are right. She is behaving nasty... She is confused.

OP: Why are you bashing me? and gives her whole story of why she needs cuttle fish and how the stomach pain made her write here.

Poster A: This is my last post, last ever for your thread. Why did you eat cuttle fish at the first place? By doing this you are doing harm to your stomach. You are selfish, and you need to be punished.

Basing basing and bashing.....Whats the point????? Does anyone helped the OP here?

It would have been nicer if the conversation is like this:-

Poster A: Take some water, eat some bananas
Poster B: I suggest you to take Gaviscon syrup, and eat simple food for the next two meals
Poster C: I advice you to drink milk, and reduce the amount and frequency of the cuttle fish intake. Also I advice you to cook it well in an iron steel vessel.
Poster A: I agree with C, you need to reduce the intake, and let your body to adjust with it
Poster D: Go to a doctor if none of the home remedy works for you
OP: Thanks... I feel much better. I have decided to take it once a month and that too in a small amount. I really wanted to stop eating that, but I feel like eating it for another couple of years :hide:as I am too young now, and will definitely stop as soon as I reached 30 yrs.

Posters A, B,C and D: Well said... Stay healthy!!!

Problems solved... Isnt it looks much better than the earlier conversation. Also produce lots of good vibes. Then why not try this?:thumbsup

Tugga, Jan 23, 2012

Tugga, Jan 23, 2012

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16 people like this.

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Jan 23, 2012 #2

satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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:rotfl Hilarious example Tugga. I whole heartedly agree with you when you say that we can be more civil in the language we use here. However, the sad fact is that eating cuttle fish and getting a tummy ache is not in the same league as some other problems which are brought out here. Unfortunately, there is no Gaviscon which can solve some of these problems nor any simple remedy that can be bought over the counter. Posters here can only share their ideas which would necessarily be based on their direct or indirect experiences. These may or may not be helpful to the OP. In case an OP feels that the solutions being presented are not suitable, then he/she would do better to go to a professional counsellor. If one poster suggests Gaviscon and OP is allergic to that, he/she would have to consult a doctor after all.

That also does not mean that the OP should not come here with other problems either. The members could very well have a remedy for a cold which would help the OP, even if they were not able to help with cuttle fish allergy. :-D

satchitananda, Jan 23, 2012

satchitananda, Jan 23, 2012

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Jan 23, 2012 #3

blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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All the problems here cannot be as simple as eating cuttle fish. If that's the case I guess any poster would have googled it and find the right remedy. If the other posters are rude and not helping, I won't come back. This is something related to Information & IL is not only source of information.

Most of the complex problem's are related to feelings. The person's living with us, seeing us regularly cannot understand feelings. How can you expect online forum to understand it? When you tell the complete background , yeah people may understand. But still rarely one can see what you see,feel what you feel. If you want correct solution, you have to either make urself clear or goto a person who understands

Also if you are receiving some stones and diamonds, it's upto you to keep the diamonds & throw away the stones. If you are getting only stones either you are in the wrong place, where no one can understand you or you are unable to communicate your feelings.

blackbeauty84, Jan 23, 2012

blackbeauty84, Jan 23, 2012

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Jan 23, 2012 #4

Tugga Silver IL'ite

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Thanks for taking this lightly Satchi... I agree... Its an open forum.
You can give your opinion, suggestion or whatever... Sometimes we even go deeper by giving personal examples of similar cases to make the OP understands better.

BUT, its upto the OP to take it or leave it. Because, at the end of the it HER/HIS life and SHE/HE needs to face it, not us. Right?

All what I wanted to mention here is (according to my example) Cuttle fish is not a poison to stress the OP to rush to the doctor immediately, or it is not something life threatening to keep on asking her to refrain from it as an only solution. It is really upto her... If she is capable of adjusting with small pain and still enjoy the taste, then what is the deal here?

Ya.. As you said, if the OP is allergic to Gaviscon it is her problem... She cant complain for suggesting it, coz no one has forced her to take it. Right.

At the same time, if the OP feels that Gaviscon might be allergic to her, hence avoids it, then we shouldnt force her to do it either. It is completely in her hands, as we are dealing with adults not with kids.

Similarly, we shouldnt keep on complaining or bashing the OP for not taking Gaviscon as it was suggested several times... No.. It is not our business here.

In this case, if we are feeling like our suggestions dont seem to be helpful, then we either change the way, or stop suggesting rather than making nasty comments of the OP to attack her self esteem. At last, only her self confidence that helps her to deal with her problems and not us. So, I beg the forum members not to attack anyone's confidence level, specially to the women those in problematic marital life.

Tugga, Jan 23, 2012

Tugga, Jan 23, 2012

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Jan 23, 2012 #5

riyagan Gold IL'ite

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Tugga, that was too good:rotfln with such sense of humor u should hav a light hearted life lady.. keep handlin ur problems as well enjoy life:thumbsup..

riyagan, Jan 23, 2012

riyagan, Jan 23, 2012

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Jan 23, 2012 #6

Tugga Silver IL'ite

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Well said BB

Also if you are receiving some stones and diamonds, it's upto you to keep the diamonds & throw away the stones. If you are getting only stones either you are in the wrong place, where no one can understand you or you are unable to communicate your feelings.
Click to expand...

Ya.. All the posters know this is an online forum. So we cant expect 100% perfect answers to our problems here. And we need to be prepared to face anything as well.

I know, there will be diamonds and stones. I personally received both.. And most of the time it is a bag of diamonds.... But all what I fear is, the ones who throws stones are kind of forcing the OP to get it and if she decides to leave it, then they will come back and bash at her for leaving it... This is what contradicting.. But again it is an open forum, so OP will have to expect anything and everything.

Btw, cuttle fish is just an example only.. If you can not take those advises of cuttle fish, then imagine how it will be a head ache for a person who is dealing with chest pains due to marital issues?

Tugga, Jan 23, 2012

Tugga, Jan 23, 2012

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Jan 23, 2012 #7

daffny Silver IL'ite

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really I got stomach pain after reading this .............:rotfl

you have noted this? they will be waiting for one person to come and start a negative comment. then everybody coming and falling on the OP like this and making a mess in the thread.

daffny, Jan 23, 2012

daffny, Jan 23, 2012

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Jan 23, 2012 #8

superwoman09 Gold IL'ite

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Good one...Tugga...very well written..All we can do here is give suggestions/remarks based on our own experiences or those of someone we know. To follow or not to follow lies solely in the the hands of the OP. Our main aim is to lend a shoulder to those in need as there are many problems that most of us cannot or would not like to share with family members, DH, or parents. Sometimes the topic does go off to a different route altogether, but OP can always ignore the comments or make sure that the original topic is not diverted.

superwoman09, Jan 23, 2012

superwoman09, Jan 23, 2012

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Jan 23, 2012 #9

Tugga Silver IL'ite

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Dear SW

but OP can always ignore the comments or make sure that the original topic is not diverted.
Click to expand...

You are right, but the thing is... when OP leaves the forum for 1 or 2 days on other business, then there will be n number of posts based on the diverted topic... of these many will be bashing the OP, and re confirm that their or their friend's posts are right.. Oh.. God... I feel like opening this window paralleled to my office mail box, so as soon as I received a comment, I can bring it back to the right path....

Tugga, Jan 23, 2012

Tugga, Jan 23, 2012

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Jan 23, 2012 #10

Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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Welcome to the land of digital emotions and expressions. do you mean the person who replies knows what is a cuttle fish or takes the time to find out( i googled to find out being a veg). well i guess you could say 40% do take that effort and that is the reason there are so many people who come here asking for remedies every day. some saying that they were silent for the past one year and have gained a lot of insight and yet their indigestion or cramp is not resolved.

we are in a world where we have no patience to listen to suggestions given my our parents, relatives or our better half that we come to a public forum, covered in the so called anonymity to ask for the remedies.

honestly would we take the answer of gavison, or take hing and water from our grandma.. not many..we feel that what we face is unique and our grandma would not have the experience to remedy it.

agreed a little more politeness would help. have you ever noted the person at the reception centre of a passport office/gh. early morning when the counter opens he is patience personified, but by afternoon he starts losing his cool..it happens when a person gets too involved thinking that she can make a difference in the thought process of another and help her.

at the same time i may have to contradict my own above statement, yes there are a few who feel that the diagonsis and the remedial action that they prescribe is 100% right..but the shoe pinches only the wearer, and it is not possible for everybody to try that shoe..so the onus lies on the wearer to wear or not wear..(ultimately to take it or leave it..)

as i said in the start, in the era of digital emotions, when you can accept a good morning from your husband who does not lift his head from the screen/newspaper that he is reading from, why are you looking for more courtesy in a forum full of virtual people.

Many have complained about this from the time i have been in this forum, and sometimes they themselves would have also done the same to somebody else.

I always tell few friends of mine from il, let us not enter into threads that we have no idea, or experience to answer.but that is something each of us has to think about..

well let me stop here..or i am gearing up the field for bouncers ...:rotfl

Shanvy, Jan 23, 2012

Shanvy, Jan 23, 2012

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