Are We Completely Blameless?

rajakumaruma · Oct 12, 2015

i feel that the relationship with in-laws is a slightly more formal one and should be handled with respect from both the party.In all cases the first impression is the best impression. Both parties-ils and dils should not hurt each other through words in the initial days of marriage. Make a dil feel comfortable and welcome ,she will surely treat you like a queen afterwards.
thanks and regards
uma

satchitananda · Oct 12, 2015

So true, Uma. :-D

Priyankitha · Oct 14, 2015

Hi mita,
It is really inspiring to me. your words are just like magical balls.. I will try be like you because every second, every minute , every day I feel like why I fell into this home of hell. Every second I cry loudly when am alone.. I feel much better after. But still dis is not d life I expected. Still life is ups n downs. So I am pleasure to accept them. My mind tells me dat it takes time to get adjust with narrow mind people ,2 way behaviour people. Even me also got the same name baby river( "pilla kaaluva" - "mellaga paare yeru" in Telugu ) by relatives n family friends. My family teases me with shabari name n friends teases me with ayomayam name.

Aaalll · Oct 15, 2015

My life and expectations were different

When I got married the very next day I told my husband how I wanted to be part of the family . And his reply was forget it no ones going to ask you anything or involve you . Whatever they want or need to discuss they will ask him only!!

Bammm... My dreams shattered and I cried literally!! Imagine even they didn't think I am worth discussing if we should attend some1s wedding or have a party at home. Nothing at all

I built a wall around me now!

satchitananda · Oct 15, 2015

Aalll, you tried to be part of the family but they were not fortunate enough to enjoy the addition to the family. So don't worry, the loss is their's.

Priyankitha · Oct 24, 2015

suhasini22 said: ↑

Nice thread satchi.I think when it comes to mil and dil problems,in some cases both parties are to be blamed and in some cases either of them .It all depends on how well the relationship starts. It is such a unique relationship ,we do not have any belongingness to start with,so it requires lot of time and patience to nurture the relation.

In my case when I entered my husbands family , first week was full of rituals and lot of crowd,second week my mil started teaching me how to cook and she appeared to be friendly but soon she started to show her true attitude,she would be nice to me but cannot handle it if me and her son get any close,for instance she would not leave us alone even for a min,she would sit with us in our room and talk to my husband and not leave us, she cannot take it if my husband used to call me and say bye while leaving for work.
She would go to any length to create a tiff between me and hubby,I used to get so scared.one day I fell ill and my husband took me to the doctor to which she created a big scene at home,that we had to come back without even going to the doctor.she would not like it if I talk to my mom on the phone. All this took a toll on my health and I was seriously ill and went down a lot.My fil would reason out my mil's behavior saying she is just feeling insecure,if she was so insecure seeing the newly wed getting close to each other,then how insecure am I supposed to feel? Iam a new comer in the family,iam trying to adjust with so many people around me especially a typical character like her,there are so many expectations on me as a dil. My fill would ask me to adjust saying that my mil is not so educated,but seriuosly does one need a university degree to be human to another women,does she need to be educated to understand that the newly wed dil,and son need some privacy.

She would create a scene if I just stepped out of the house ,she would stalk on me for everything ,anything I do is a problem with her,I adjusted so much ,she would gossip about me to her relatives and even neighbours saying iam taking her son away from her,seriously then why the hell she got her son married? She made my life a living hell,she neither let me have a good start as a dil nor as a wife.she damaged my relationship with my husband even before it could have nurtured.I was so naive and young,I did not understand lot of her actions ,she would cry and pretend before Fil and my husband,both of them would ask me to adjust,silly me used to think what did I do,is it wrong to be close to my husband? Is it wrong to visit my mom?Or is it wrong to expect some kind of warmth from my hubby?

I feel,the newly wed bride should be welcomed warmly and be given a chance to nurture the relationships around her,a mil should guide her as an experienced lady,she should be the pillar of support to the young lady who has left her loved ones and trying to build a new home.
Had my Mil been a little considerate and understanding ,my marriage would have been a bliss,she did not let me have a good start,she would poke her nose in tiniest of the matters and blame me for everything,I adjusted a lot and even today iam still adjusting.I don't say a word against her,I do what ever she wishes,I never go in between her and her son,we have invested a lot in her name and I never bothered. It is all in her head,she has a preset feeling that the dil is going to snatch away her son. Had she tried to understand me or atleast had she given a chance for me to explain my stand ,all of us would have been much happier toady.
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Hi suhasini,

My problem with my mil is same as that of urs.. dont know what to do.. Still today facing the same no change but increasing sarcastic nature n mental torture with her indirect actions n words upon me..

soulful · Nov 10, 2015

I have wondered about this too.... Now I try to practice detachment and my main advice in the Inlaws forum is detachment... But it is not always easy. As long as I am far away from her, I am ok...But sometime the monkey mind takes me to the past and I start fuming all over again. Guess it just goes to prove I am not a saint.

When she says something nice, I find it suspicious. My mind goes on a archaeological excavation trip trying to find similar instances and her action in those instances and then decides "this is all B$"

I am still unable to figure out if my mind is doing this to protect me from hurt and disappointment or is it ego that is preventing from trusting her.

satchitananda · Nov 10, 2015

I can totally relate with that soulful. I am sailing in the same boat.

Hopefully · Nov 15, 2015

God exists or not- im not sure
Does heaven and hell really exists - not sure
Did man come from monkeys - not sure
Will India become a great Nation - not sure
I can add on 100 more things

One thing I'm for sure
My MIL can never do anything good for me....id it looks so it means she will be getting some triple or even more benefit out of it.
I will live my own life only after this lady is no more...until she is there she makes sure that my husband is a puppet in her and her daughters hands