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Are Sons Harder To Raise?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by BhumiBabe, Aug 25, 2017.

  1. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Even if highly educated , ur mil is last generation.as @GoneGirl says Chances are there she was scared how her sons will excell professionally, sometimes too much pampering she would have done and think they are still kids(irrespective of gender)even in 20s, more emotional dependence on kids make it difficult to parent.
     
  2. Deborah

    Deborah Gold IL'ite

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    @BhumiBabe- Your MIL might be looking for a common ground for a talk / discussion with you ( you said earlier that you both don't have much in common). She could have been trying to connect with you , now that you too have a boy.
    She could also be referring to the naughty, never -stay - still nature of boys . The way they are always jumping around , crashing and breaking stuff is enough for a good headache. I got one while visiting a relative who had a 3 year old son.He wouldn't stay put for a minute . His older sister , on the contrary ,was quiet and well- behaved .I was pregnant with my daughter that time . I thanked God for giving me a girl after this visit.;)
     
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  3. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Among my local friend and social media friends circle, in India and in the U.S. - families with children in the 10-22 years range, there is not much difference between boys and girls and how they are brought up. Both complete school, college, and are able to take up a job. Both know only the basics of maintaining a household - enough to survive in college and into early twenties. Then, they continue to learn as needed. Both boys and girls are equally involved in religious celebrations and both go to bal vihaar or other cultural, classical music etc. classes.
    Boys spend on electronics and the latest gadgets and video games.

    In this day and age, the girl's family has an option to not follow this expectation.

    No. Each child, irrespective of gender, presents unique challenges and unique areas where the child is easy to parent.

    For a person who so covets me-time and does not like to chit-chat on inane topics with in-laws, why would you discuss such a controversy-potential topic at such depth with MIL. : )
     
  4. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    Possibly true, but she has said this while talking about how stressful her sons are, scolding her when she just tells them to eat or when she's advising them about marriage life or something. :BangHead:

    I can see that there is a lot of emotional dependence both ways. I hope I don't parent my son in a way that would make him difficult to deal with, as an adult. Difficult children are only acceptable when they are still small and technically still dependent on you.

    @Rihana - I think you are right about the children growing up nowadays. My parents made sure my brother also knew how to feed himself, and was expected to attend religious/social activities. I cannot say the same for my family in Tamil Nadu or my husband's family (from Chennai). This is NOT a conversation I continue with my MIL. It ends with us agreeing with each other about things that we don't really agree with:tonguewink:. There is no way I want to talk to her about feminism, equality, or gender bias.
     
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  5. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Good. We can never do that.They want us to be the submissive like olden days plus be modern enough to get high paycheck and be intelligent to show their relatives that they have WELL EDUCATED DIL:smash2:.
     
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  6. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    Right? Old habits die hard. I think I constantly challenge her with things I refuse to do for her son (to which H goes to her to complain about).
     
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  7. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Things will change with time. Every couple has differences in their thinking , way of life, the way they were brought up. A couple need to come to common ground. That's all. But unfortunately in India and INDIANS only women are asked to ADJUST AND CHANGE. SO THE PROBLEM ARISES. BUT IAM SURE WITH COURSE OF TIME A COUPLE WILL FIND OUT WHAT WORKS FOR THEM
     
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  8. Deborah

    Deborah Gold IL'ite

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    This is the only hope ( time changes things) with which many of us are moving forward.;)
     
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  9. Rosey2018

    Rosey2018 Bronze IL'ite

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    It depends how you raise them. However raising both should be the same. I do say it’s harder raising girls because we’re naturally so protective of them.
     
  10. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    The general belief is that daughters are harder to raise because of all the points you mentioned . It's true .Even more in Indian context .

    Mostly the reasons are social than something intrinsic in gender . And it also depends on the individual child .



    It's natural for mil to say so , unless she is arguing with you, you can just ignore it . Maybe in olden times it was harder to raise boys as you have to make sure they become skilled for the competitive world and become employable and successful . Now things are changed though so it takes more work to raise a girl .
     
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