Are Sons Harder To Raise?

Hi, BB!
I don't have a strong opinion on this, I think it depends on a child. Some kids are more difficult than others and it has nothing to do with gender. We have twins and my daughter is more active and curious than my son, so we have to watch her more closely. My husband jokes that when he doesn't hear our daughter playing or doing something, it means she is creating some trouble. While our son is a pretty easy child to handle.

While we do believe in gender equality in our household, my husband would say that raising son is more difficult. His reasoning is that the majority of murderers, abusers, rapists, child molesters, people with alcoholism and drug users are indeed men. Therefore, he needs to make sure that our son doesn't pick up misogynistic attitude, doesn't hurt anyone, does the rights things with his life and treats everyone equally with respect. So my husband leads by an example, teaches our son to cook and clean after himself, tells him that it is normal for a man to express his feelings and it doesn't make anyone weak. He also scolded him for saying about someone in a demeaning way "he plays like a girl". Of course, he wants our daughter to be kind and respectful too, but he thinks teaching these values to our son is more important because consequences of his actions can be more severe. Our kids are still small, we'll see how it will all play out

My MIL used to say that boys are harder to raise because girls are naturally smarter lol My SIL agreed, of course

 

I was raised in India and I can say that it's much harder to raise girls than boys even though I come from tier 1 city like Mumbai . The pressure on parents is more because the society as it is judges women more than men. For example my parents often got ridiculed for educating us so much . The mindset they had was that girls will get married anyway and will not give anything in "return" for all the money they are spending on our education . My parents were very firm on educating us and nowhere did they discriminate between us and my brother . Everything about us was judged by people whether it was the way we dressed , our friends , who we hanging out with and often times random people used to call my parents if they saw us hanging out with guys . People think it's ok to blatantly use terms like 'black sheep ' of the family, "apki beti toh gayi kaam se" ( point of no return) , characterless and what not. Men can flirt, grope, eve tease, commit the most heinous crimes yet they don't get to hear all this. In India , stalking is fairly common and I hate it when they glorify it in movies . Me and my sisters have personally faced stalking , random phone calls , anonymous flowers and bouquets or letters coming home . My brother didn't have to deal with all this. I cannot even imagine what my parents must have gone through . How hard it must be for them to deal with all this and also make sure we are safe . They were very cautious but gave us all the liberty to do what we want because they knew how "rowdy" we sisters were and if anything happens, we were quite capable of handling ourselves . The toughest time for my parents would be when we were teenagers . We girls were also very rebellious and wanted to do our own thing unlike my brother who was much softer and rarely retaliated against my mom. He was often the one who used to be home by 8 Pm but we daughters always pushed their boundaries which only meant sleepless nights for my parents.

Regarding dowry , me and my sisters had a love marriage so there was no question of dowry . My parents received a lot of backlash back then for allowing us to marry outside our community. It was a big deal when my oldest sister got married but people were ok by the time I got married (they didn't have much hopes with me anyway). I have seen it with my friends and extended families how much their parents save for their dowry. I wonder after spending so much on education and raising kids, how does a middle class man afford to spend on dowry ? Dowry is still a burning issue and even highly educated families fall into this trap. I have seen plenty of uneducated men getting fat dowries just because they belong to who's who of the society. A useless, good for nothing guy can still survive in a country like india but imagine what the plightof a woman if she has no education or a standing of her own?

It's up to the parents on how they raise their kids and make sure both sons and daughters get equal opportunities but sexism and the patriarchal mindset is so pervasive that most of the burden falls on the daughters more. And wait! it doesn't end here. These daughters also have to be groomed and conditioned right since childhood so she can be a good DIL in future. So we better be good at household work else "what will your in laws say". How many boys are trained to be a good husband by their mommies??

 

Son or daughter when raised with love n affection from the day they r born and when a parent guides them from very beginning,it will be easy later. What I mean is if foundation is strong , then they will make parents proud . But as u said , yes girl child needs to be thaught little more . Once parents leave in to the whims n fancies of a child (both sons n daughters) , with out telling them and guiding them the right things then the parents will have to suffer later.EXAMPLE IS When they see parents not helping close family members even if THEY COULD, THEN ONE DAY CHILD WILL ALSO BE THE SAME.

 

I salute ur boldness n ur sister's too. Good u had ur way. I am happy for u. I wish every girl becomes bold n be independent in thoughts . Judgement if the SOCIETY IN INDIA IS THERE, WHICH IS MOSTHLY UNFAIR.DOWRY IS ANOTHER CURSE.

 

Ur husband is doing great job nfavour to the society by bringing up kids with good nature and love to humanity. World wants many parents like u

 

It could be the personality conflict than son versus daughter??

 

On a lighter note maybe ur mom in law wanted an appreciation from u or may be everyone for having SONS(IT HAPPENS )U KNOW IN OUR INDIA GETTING A SON IS A BIG THING. MAY BE SHE SAYS CASUALLY MY MIL FEELS PROUD AND WANTS APPRECIATION FOR HAVING A SON AND SEEN MANY OTHERS TOO LIKE THIS ATTITUDE.

 

It depends on what you see as a problem.

My mother would say, it was hard to raise my bro back then.
I remember, he was a bit rebellious, so disciplining him was not easy.
When male kids are in their teens, it is hard to control them or teach them good habits, because they are prone to social influences.
Parents need to keep an eye on their teen boys, that too tactfully so that they don't get rebelled against parents.
Even though girls have similar or different type of social influence, my mom and many mothers feel they are under control.
Or at least it is easy to control them.

But I have 2 kids, and I feel it is really worrisome to raise a girl these days.
Both my kids go to School n nursery respectively, and I enrolled them to extra carricular classes in the mean time.
Since I work full time, I depend on my driver to drop and pick them up for each classes.
This driver is very reliable, and a great man.
Even then, I feel a lump in my throat whenever he takes my DD alone in the car for classes.
Now a days, I ask my mom or MIL to accompany DD each time and it is a burden for sure.
She is only 3, and there is a loooong way to go.

With my son, I trust his friends, peers, teachers, driver etc... all I use is a perfect ground check and trust my instincts. But when my DD, I am confused.
Now a days, I hear a lot of child rape, child abuse and molestation cases which terrifies me.
I can't take risks with my DD.

Many moms are being normal, and send their DDs in School bus, or autos with known/unknown drivers and they do take little risk to go with the flow. But for me, it is really uncomfortable to do so.
Giving extra protection to my DD is really a burden. At this range, I would definitely say, raising a DD is more troublesome.