Are Relationships Replaceable?

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Deborah, Apr 12, 2018.

  1. MonikaSG

    MonikaSG Gold IL'ite

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  2. Sunburst

    Sunburst Finest Post Winner

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    Too much free time in their hands maybe ? Anyway , it’s better than throwing rotten tomatoes :wink:

    Feel sorry for that horse though . Too many people sitting on that horse so it’s time to get off that now :rolleyes:
     
  3. Nylaa

    Nylaa Silver IL'ite

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    I think it depends on the person as other posters have already said. Personally though, I wouldn't be a fan of remarrying too quickly because, at that stage, the widow/widower may not have processed their grief in its entirety. As such, they may not be in the state of mind to enter into a new relationship and that could potentially cause problems in their new marriage. In addition to that, I think that a man/woman who marries a widow/widower should be mentally prepared as well and know what they're getting into (especially if there are children involved). Marrying someone who has lost a spouse is different from marrying someone who's never been married.

    I also believe that the circumstances of the death play a major role. As callous as this may sound, I think that in cases in which the death of a spouse was impending (i.e. the result of a long drawn out illness), the widow/widower has a **somewhat** easier time moving on with their life. In such cases, they're more mentally prepared and have had time to think about the future as opposed to a sudden, unexpected death (i.e. car accident).
     
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2018
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  4. Deborah

    Deborah Gold IL'ite

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    @Ragini25 - Perhaps you can ask the admins or whoever runs the Indusladies to set parameters/ criteria as to what can and cannot be posted here .For now, I don't think I am flouting any rules. There was something which was baffling me .Although given that it is a personal matter but situations like these arise in many a families.The discussion that has unfolded is purely an exchange of thoughts in a civil manner . I was a bit shocked at the dynamics of relationships in light of death of a spouse. Fellow ILites have discussed this aspect from various POVs. I am actually glad that I shared it here because now I can understand that there are always many factors at play.I was neither judging or scorning at anyone .
    Wasting or not wasting time on social media is surprisingly in one's own hands. Preaching or not preaching others is too.
     
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  5. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes. In Indian set up, the wife' role can be easily replaced than that of husband. Most of the widowers get married within one to a few years [agree that there are exceptions ]. If they marry again , there will be no question like "why?"
    But most of the widows, with older children especially, will end up single again and are expected to sacrifice life for her children. There will be not much ethusissum to get her married. If she is very young it's possible.
    Three of my acquaintances with toddlers, married again within 1 to 3 years.
    Yeah, it is difficult to digest a remarriage within six months when we think about the wife who died in this case. She deserves some respect .
    But if this husband and his second wife don't have any issue what we can say ? They are adults and it is their decision. It's mostly a marriage of convenience.
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2018
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  6. Deborah

    Deborah Gold IL'ite

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    @DDream - Couldn't agree more. There is another lady in the same family. She must have been the same age as the guy who is getting remarried when she lost her husband ( again a sudden death). Her child was also the same age as the kids in the present scenario. She chose to stay back with her In laws and take care of the family and kid.
    The only thing which surprised me in the present scenario was the time gap . It was a totally unexpected death. Husband was crying for days and calling out his wife's name on social media .All this just forced me to think whether it is infact so easy to move on. But as everyone has said its a personal choice and may differ from case to case.
     
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  7. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    People and society are like this.u cannot do anything. If u ask they say some reason and say as though they are very reasonable.they find out reasons and act as though they are very normal. Iam not against remarriage. But six months is too much to say.
     
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  8. madras2018

    madras2018 Finest Post Winner

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    Sheryl Sandberg, COO of facebook lost her husband of 11 years, Dave Goldberg on May 1 2015. She began dating Bobby Kotick around Feb/Mar 2016, less than a year after her husband's death.

    She had previously grieved her husband's death deeply and publicly on social media. So it took many by surprise as to how she could have moved on so quickly to a new partner. She received a lot of criticism for it too ! For what it's worth, she says she began dating after being encouraged to do so by her in laws.

    She addressed the situation in her book, appropriately titled Option B.
    The tables are turned in this case (in contrast to the instance cited by OP) albeit it is still a dating relationship & not marriage. Both Sheryl & her boyfriend are billionaires - so neither is dating for financial security or houshold help. Her kids were yet to get over their father's death, so I dont believe she was looking to give them a father figure so soon. So she began dating primarily for companionship. This example also challenges the common assumption that men move on faster than women do.

    What does one say ? I think each person & situation is different. But one thing I will add in the Indian context - even if the man wants to wait for a customery mourning period of 1 year or has no remarriage plans, his mother often acts as a catalyst in expediting finding a replacement wife for her son not withstanding what his kids really feel. And once the idea is planted in his head, it reaches its logical conclusion quickly. Make what you will of it.
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2018
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  9. MonikaSG

    MonikaSG Gold IL'ite

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    Every situation has many ways to look into it. For the person who died people feel pity of it as its assumed that his love and sacrifice are all forget at all. But who died is died will never come back argue or complaint. Our own thoughts can take his face and come to our dreams. On the other side the person who is still alive has to live. Being emotional over emotional or practical over practical belongs to his personal opinion that mostly is the outcome of their past relationship as how it was felt inside.
     
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  10. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy Platinum IL'ite

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    Honestly the news of Sheryl Sandburg dating again quickly did surprise me, specially considering that her husband passed away suddenly and not because of a prolonged illness. I think when the spouse is unwell for a long time one can make peace with the loss and be prepared for it . But I would think that a sudden loss would need some time for processing the grief and loss of the loved one. The idea of a soulmate is so ingrained in our psyche that the thought of a person finding another soulmate quickly does not seem right. But to each his own.


     
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