“My love for my near and dear makes me hope I am replaceable. : ) I wouldn't want them to miss me too much and be sad.” @Rihana true but better half has been instructed to wait for a year atleast before he gives in to FIL’s request to find a docile bahu the second time around If not , I have promised that my ghost will hang around the bedroom and make fart noises during important times !
This is why I find the whole arranged marriage situation in our society so deeply flawed, everything under the sun is given importance except for what is really important , that is love and companionship. I feel sorry for the soon to be wife, forget a honeymoon , from day 1 she will be cooking and cleaning and playing mother to two teenagers , seva to mil, god only knows where her dreams for her life fit into this... thank god I am not around such inhuman people.
This is very sad to hear..but not quite surprised by the decision taken by that husband and her in laws, only for the reason that now a days some men and their families treat women so badly and there is so much injustice going on... and i think this is one such family..They do not give respect for a women's feelings nor a women as a person. I need to start a separate thread altogether (haha..) to talk how cruel and mean my in laws and husband have been to me.. I would say it's mainly the fault of the elders.. Don they know that it is not right to do a re- marriage Within such a short time of her death?? Where has their wisdom gone?? How much she would have sacrificed to the family? if people cant even respect that soul, then how they would have treated her when she wss alive is also a question mark.. People say now the society supports women but still the partiality for men is still not over meaning if a man stays alone no one will question him.. He can have as many wives he can ..as in this case, even if he gets remarried, people will support him..But if a women stays single or remarries all questions will arise. .people see them with a different eye..also one imp thing if a man is sexually impotent where as a women is healthy and able to concieve but cannot have a child bcoz of his condition still the society will blame the women only.. The reason why am telling all this is until the time the husbands parents are willing to go to any extent for their sons happiness and support him in whatever wrong he is doing, the women are bound to suffer. Their sacrifice , support , love, care all doesn't hold any meaning at all.. of course not all men or all his parents are bad.. but only in some cases. But really feel sorry for the one who died as well as the one who is going to marry him again...
"Log Kya kahenge " was the last thing on my mind. I was merely trying to put myself in his shoes and think , even though being practical is not a very strong trait of mine. I am more of an emotional fool. There isn't any time limit of 1 year. That is just what I thought to be respectful to the one gone and appropriate in terms of getting oneself mentally strong.It just seemed premature to me. So, their immediate needs are that of a care - taker . This reminds me of Bollywood movies where old ( but not so old) mother says to the son - I am getting old now ,can't cook and clean for you . Get me a bahu. Of course, no one is forcing any woman to get married in the family .She very well knows what she is walking into and wants it too probably for the same practical reasons . Jeene ka maksad ( serving a new family but with love) and naam ko wajood mil jaega . This incident has made me realize that detachment is actually the way to live.People you love and serve with love seem to move on too quickly. In relationships not bound by blood ,people just see what the other brings to the table.
Wife has got no blood relation with Inlaws or Husband . Hence she is always outsider. And regarding care taking of husband or those kids it all depends on the lady who comes . Who knows she might treat only the husband well but not the kids like in movies. Wat to do in such case ? Only after her entry her true nature is revealed. Step mom is always step mom . Can never be mom. No matter how well she treats the kids. There are families whose husbands have not got married again and still grieving for their partner. But it all depends on the individual though . In such cases husband is the one who needs to decide whether to marry or not provided the kids support . Because parents will stay only for some more years , but mainly the kids are the ones who are badly affected. And I know a case where husband passed away who was survived with wife, 2 teenage daughters and 1 young son . The eldest daughter somehow convinced her mom and got married to some guy who was not married at all . They are happy now . So it all depends . Each person and each family is different .
Hi @Deborah, This is indeed sad..That a person can be so easily replaceable! But over the years I have come to realize that my ideas on things /how people should be or behave have changed a lot over the years, and i am reluctant to judge others for their actions less now..unless am in their shoes, I will not know their situation/difficulties well. But I have seen that some arranged marriages in India are about convenience, comfort and security. I hope that woman who got married is older as well, hasn’t gotten married for some reason. As long as she wasn’t too young or forced into this marriage, I don’t see a problem with regards to her. I have often heard that it is easier to be unmarried, than in a bad marriage, but this scenario is harder in a smaller town and for a woman who may not be so ambitious in life or travel much. To them being married is the ultimate settling down, so maybe it’s a win- win for both people.
I am not against remarriage .It's just that in this case it seems a bit premature to me that it almost appears insensitive . As I already mentioned, the elders were discussing his remarriage in the very first 30 days. The lady in question is a divorcee who has a kid but the ex has him. So ,she will be coming sans any child. It is of course an arrangement of convenience , with everyone's consent . I am just mulling over the futility of relationships when it all ends this way. I agree with @Sandycandy that in the end , only her parents will weep for her .
Its a personal decision made by the guy who married and the girl (and their respective families). There is no set guidelines for mourning. Everything from someone's personal decision , - to 'public' topic of why an actress' is doing public drama cheap stunts/actions in the name of #metooCouch and everything else under the sun has to be shared?, intently and fiercely discussed and debated, and comments provided? New rules of (social)media, or infinite free-time or wait, its just fantastic multitasking (which I supposedly lack as have been told by a few around here), hmm... In anycase, one does not have detailed or closely informed information about the families or situations.
