Are Relationships Replaceable?

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Deborah, Apr 12, 2018.

  1. Deborah

    Deborah Gold IL'ite

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    I had called up my In-laws today.I was kind of taken aback/surprised but not in a good way/bewildered (can't find the right word,it seems) by a news . A relative on H's side lost his wife last year.Her death was untimely and shocking to all of the family.She must have been 40ish.She left behind 2 kids,both in teenage years.Her daughter and Husband was inconsolable for days. Much to my disbelief ,there were talks of his remarriage between the elders of the family even before a month had passed.I was shocked that how people think so practically that it seems almost cruel.For God's sake,the woman had been dead only for a month.H's opinion was that the relative loved his wife too much to get married again.Well ,today I was told that they have almost fixed his match. Its been just 6 months.He is onboard (had to be convinced) & kids too like the new mom .And the reason for remarriage cited was that his mother is too old and keeps poor health .She needs help.The other DIL can't manage the entire household on her own. I was honestly sad to realize that they need a caretaker more than a companion for the man.They just need a helping hand.Couldn't they just go and hire some more maids ?Where did the love of the husband go that he forgot 16 -17 years spend together? He could have waited at least a year.And he is not even marrying for love or say companionship,just for everyone's convenience. Are we all replaceable as wives/mothers ? Does a relationship mean nothing in this practical world.? Moreover,they were looking for someone without kids .Isn't that selfish to want someone to come and take care of your motherless kids but can't welcome her own kid? All this just got me thinking about the futility of relationships. Any thoughts from other ILs would be appreciated.
     
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  2. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    :confundio1: That's so sad.

    I am not against remarriage or anything but I try to teach even my young kid to grieve a loss of a pet n that not everything in life is easily replaceable.

    But moving on at this pace is :shakehead: - Getting a new mom, new wife, new dil, all just within a few months, feels like there's a lack of respect for her life, love n sacrifice n all that she has done for so many years :pensive:

    Makes one wonder what's the point of giving your whole life for raising a family n that family can move on so quickly just because it's inconvenient for them or can't afford a maid.

    What if it is the lady who lost the husband? Bread winner of the family, that without his money no one can eat. Will they immediately find another bread winner for this lady n her kids ? If the answer is yes to this, then would be ok with that too.
     
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  3. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Silver IL'ite

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    How horrible the man can be .it not just him any person who just forget his loved ones so soon..the old lady may give plenty reason and may be shevwants him to have someone in his life..can’t he decline.. I do agree he needs too someone in life but it’s way to early ..
    I sometimes think what if it was opposite ..would the society leave her alone or accept the fact so easily .
     
  4. shravs3

    shravs3 Finest Post Winner

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    So true :cry:
     
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  5. bhagya85

    bhagya85 Silver IL'ite

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    It seems to look like dead wife's life all these years are worthless. I don't really understand that.. is it so easy to move on??:fearful:. I am not against remarriage but the dead soul worth some more mourning time.
     
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  6. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    It does look so shocking that the whole family is just ready to move on so fast! Yes, there are practical issues when the lady of the house is no more and it is very difficult to manage a family single handedly, especially by men. At the same time, it is decent to at least wait for the first year ceremonies and related mourning is over.
    Regarding wanting a single woman without kids, again, when everything is being calculated / arranged over practical issues, it makes sense that a woman with her own kids will not be able to /would not want to give sole attention to the new family. Clearly, only a woman who is willing, will get into such an alliance, so there should not be any problem.
     
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  7. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Gold IL'ite

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    Yes, it is very sad, and distasteful. Even the bride's parents had no qualms to marry their daughter into such a family, knowing how this family values it's wives & mothers.Thankfully, I believe this family is an exception. Most people are not like that.
    I feel during marriage we should really look at character/nature of a person above everything else. Else, to marry such a man would be a waste of someone's life.
    I feel the kids are small so they are cool and seem to have moved on.After growing up, they will surely realize the value of their late mother.
     
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  8. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy Platinum IL'ite

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    I think the only people that are truly grieving the loss of this woman are her parents ( and siblings maybe). Her husband will also move on quickly with his new wife and this lady will be remembered once a year ( thank god for religion sometimes) and will be nothing but a permanent fixture on the wall.
    This is life , this is reality. Mortality makes us dispensable !
     
  9. Agniamber11

    Agniamber11 Bronze IL'ite

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    I know about a man in 40s who lost his wife when his son was in school. He used to live with his old mother, widow sister and her children. So everything was taken care from running the house to taking care of small kid by rest others. He refused to marry. After 15 years, things changed drastically. His mother passed away and his sister moved out with her children when they started working in different city. This man then had to manage everything alone with his college going boy. He found it very difficult to even do basic cooking, later learnt the ropes of life.

    Years later, his son married and went abroad. Now the old man stays all alone in his house, doesnt want to move with his son.Now everyone keeps saying that he should have got remarried and would have had a companion by now.

    Many widow ladies on the other hand, manage to live alone and are busy with their lives. No one talks of a companion for her. Such is society!
     
  10. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    6 months can be a reasonable enough time for some situations. Teenage kids suddenly mother-less, joint family so the man is most likely not used to doing household chores. He did need to be convinced, kids like his to-be second wife. What's the problem? Log kya kahenge? What will people say? People who comment will not come and help with their day-to-day life and with the man's struggles.
    He and his family know exactly what they are looking for. Love, companionship might follow when their immediate needs are met.
    Meeting everyone's and his convenience will help in dealing with the loss. Who gets to decide that a year is a respectable time?
    Yes, relationships are replaceable. Replacing does not mean that the replaced person's contributions and what she meant is not valued. It means that life goes on.

    It is less complicated if kids have to deal only with step-parent, and not step-siblings. More so, in the Indian scenario where step-mom, step-dad, step-siblings, half-siblings are still not so common. Maybe in their situation, and in a joint-family, it is better for all if the woman does not have any children of her own. It is not like she is being taken advantage of. This might be a marriage she is happy getting into.

    My love for my near and dear makes me hope I am replaceable. : ) I wouldn't want them to miss me too much and be sad.
     
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