Appreciating Other Kids In Front Of Own Kid

Rihana · Sep 5, 2018

Srama said: ↑

Dear @Rihana,

Why, why, why? Why do you make us think so much?!! And open up online too......!!
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Is just Aug end/Sept beginning... The academic year and I are only getting started.

justanothergirl · Sep 5, 2018

Do we really need to bubble wrap our kids so much? That is life..there will be celebrations and reproaches - losses and triumphs and it will not always be about u. Its a difficult lesson but one best learnt at home.

Rihana · Sep 5, 2018

sheztheone said: ↑

Yes, I would tone it down a bit in front of my kid or involve him in the praising. Like for instance I would ask him "It is difficult to get to this level in so and so contest right?" That would probably not make him feel as irritated, and I am speaking for my own kid here, each child is different.
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Made me think.. Is actually a neat way to get own kid involved in the talk. Nice.

But one thing about this is you gotta be prepared for any kind of reply lol
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So true. : )

At the end of the day kids and adults are human beings with feelings after all and I know I would be at least a tad disappointed, albeit secretly, if my kids were to praise some other mom sky high.
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This got me thinking... and thinking..and thinking. Thought as I drove, and thought as I jogged. I came up with so many things the child could mention to us in the passing and that I might take to heart, dissect to high heaven, and make DH's life miserable by asking him to brood on it with me. Such as, child says:

- Ryan and his family went to Greenland in July.
(Me to myself: Hawaii is the best we could do... Greenland must be so educative and fun.)
- Saahil's mom went and spoke to counselor and he moved to Pre-Calculus with a placement test.
(Me.. damn .. wish I had the strength to go fight with counselor. Rules prohibit placement test.......)
- Rohan got the Switch on Friday. Me: How? Kid: His mom called Gamestop and they said they have new ones coming in at 11 am
(Why didn't I think of calling and checking... couldn't get my kid that coveted game.)
- Brian's dad is coaching .... team.
(we can never coach any sport. just not cut out for it. wish we could. makes a difference)

I realized how things kid say casually can make me feel like I am doing something less... So, kid can also feel when I say wow about other kids.....

Seriously, parenting is easier if we think less about it. And gentler on the still black hair too.

Rihana · Sep 5, 2018

justanothergirl said: ↑

Do we really need to bubble wrap our kids so much? That is life..there will be celebrations and reproaches - losses and triumphs and it will not always be about u. Its a difficult lesson but one best learnt at home.
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Not bubble wrap.. but watch that we don't overdo the praise. Like Shanvy said, no sigh in the wow. : )

It varies with kid too, I've come to realize. One of mine is more sensitive and that is what got me that reminder from dh to watch my wow. The other one is more like, 'the world can do what it wants, achieve what it wants.. I march to my own bugle.'

Shanvy · Sep 5, 2018

Jag, i remember a decade ago, a cousin did extremely well,and what all, seriously, in a paper interview she had said i sleep for 3 hours, how can you sleep.when there is so much to achieve.. i praised her, and said how being focussed is helping her.. oh boy, i did not say anything more.. ff to 2014 i think..dd says, the day you showed the clipping i thought amma wants me to emulate her.. i had to struggle a lot to tell them i was appreciating the cousin not prodding or pushing them to follow her..sometimes, a lot is read between the lines.. any relationship for that matter.
Better being open in communication.
With the young man, who is extra sensitive because of having been compared to his own sibling(why can't you be like her, do like her.. at school, at classws) i have told him that i am.not bothered who got what..i want him to.do.well for himself as best as possible for him to achieve..

Teenage and young adult i say sometimes walking over eggshells is easily unachievable