Anything wrong in saying so ?

veditha09 · Jan 17, 2012

Hi Friends,

I have always been grateful for the support and advice that I get from here.

I had been having trouble with my hubby's silent treatment.

Now the problem is I had been having some pain from last one year and I had been to a specialist and ended up paying 200-300 dollars there including x-rays,etc.
( in btw his parents ( for 5 months ) and sis's family ( 1month ) visited and I had to do everything that's another saga.
I had to see General Physician again and again 2 surgeons as the pain was not going.
Through out there was no support fro my husband in the sense emotionally.He thinks it is psychological and i am just making making a big issue out of nothing.
We had a very big fight before the surgeons visits.
Then he saw my pain as I was limping and took the appointments.
Before he did this as there was no support from his side I had to contact our family surgeons thru my dad's contacts and sent some pictures of the effected part. I called them few times too ( he is a very busy surgeon who visits US too ).
Now few days back I got the MRI done and the Doc. said that it says no damage on tendons or ligaments and asked me if any pain with the bone I said no.And I also mentioned that from 2 - 3 days I feel that the pain has reduced a lot.
Now I checked with my hubby not the Doc. If we can have the copy to show it to the surgeon back in India I just wanted to show him out of respect but not to get a second opinion.Hubby didn't say anything in the doc.'s office but the moment we came out and sat in the car he started interrogating me literally and kept on blaming me no matter how many times I told him politely not to talk about this anymore nearly 4 - 6 times.But no he had to argue and kept blaming that I don't have faith and don't trust and I have doubting nature. He also said that are Indian doc.'s better than here ? To tell you one more thing he is the one who keeps calling my dad to help his dad for doc.'s , etc. And my dad has to arrange the appointments and everything in Super speciality hospitals.
Was I wrong in asking for copy of the report to send it to India ?
even if I was wrong I told him many times to end it as I don't like arguements but he didn't not.
Now its been one week we are not talking with each other.
I really don't care bout it now I am fine without him talking.
But what do you think is it a blunder mistake to ask for a report ?
Funny this is I don't know what the report says.
he used some medical terms which i don't have any idea what it is.
And also the treatment for it is to take pain killers for a pain that lasted 1 year.My hubby says if you have faith even kumkum can heal it.
I am totally confused please help.

Thanks
veda

cissyboo · Jan 17, 2012

I don't think you were wrong in asking for a copy of the report. I had copies of all my medical records from when I became an adult (my mom still has childhood record copies) until two years ago (we moved, and they are somewhere in a box, unless I left them at the MIL's). Having the relevant records makes it easier for you when you have to go to a different physician or specialist. I'm not sure about the sending it to India part, unless this doctor has treated you in the past and has knowledge of the current issue you are having, or if you are planning on going to India for treatment? But, having reassurance from a long-trusted person is also good.

You need to sit with your GP and ask what the terms that you don't understand mean. Are you supposed to be taking painkillers (Tylenol/acetaminophen) or anti-inflammatory medicines (Motrin/ibuprofen or Advil/naproxen)? These do different things-the anti-inflammatory will help relieve any swelling, which could be causing the pain.

About the husband-men are men, and some will not apologize for anything! Mine is pretty good about most things, but heaven help if he is sick-horrible! If I or the kids are sick-"Get over it!" Even after surgery, "When will you be cooking again?". But he has been like this since we married (17 years ago), and I just ignore it.

veditha09 · Jan 17, 2012

I don't have any copies of my reports till now.And my hubby also suggested on keeping the copy of health records with us at the time of x-ray.
Now ligament or tendon problem is ruled out so only problem can be a nerve or bone lesion.
Our Insurance has changed and everything will be from our pocket so He is afraid that if the Inidan doc. will come up with another problem he has to end up in paying for it ( this is what I am assuming otherwise there is no way he should be havig any problem with it ).
I have used that surgeon whenever I had to call him but when the reports came I don't consider him I felt that was not fair he is very close to my dad ).

He is a person who cannot spend money until and unless there is an emergency and it should have a proof that it is one.

I really appreciate your quick response.

Thanks
Veda

1Sandhya · Jan 17, 2012

You have a right to a copy of the report. you have right to all information about your health. This is not upto him to decide. So why are you involving him?

I am wondering why you have not been shown a copy of the report. Contact the hospital ansd request another copy. Make an excuse that you lost it and find out how much to pay for the new copy. This time dont talk to your hubby or involve him in what you are planning to do, handle everything by yourself directly with the docs and hospital. Send that to the family doctor in India. Afterwards you can let him know you took care of it. If he questions say, the doc and my Dad was asking a lot about it every time, as it is we approach them so much whenever we need (say this in a way that he clearly understands that the approaching is for his father's sake) so I did not want to jeopardize the relationship with unnecessary misunderstanding.

another option since you say he is worried about expense is to find out how much it will cost to get another copy of the report and then give him the choice do you want to pay for this or give the copy we do have. Make it clear that your health is not up to him to decide.

also sometimes this type of pain is due to inflammation. Think back and try to remember if you changed your diet during the time when the pain went down. Maybe that is the cause. Make sure you find out the cause of the pain, and how to treat it because it could create problems later on.

ivlakshmi · Jan 17, 2012

u r right.. but from next time dont tell anything to him and do things as per ur wish..when he asks u just say tht i hav already told u and u said s..

Priya16 · Jan 17, 2012

I don't know sometimes something wrong with these guys.I do get into this kind of situations.Sometimes things will pop out no where and we have no clue.Don't think about it much.
Concentrate on your pain??Would you give more information on that pain.If DR didn't found anything then I would suggest start simple exercise.that should help you a lot in long run.Everyday practice some simple yoga or some kind of exercise and take some calcium(check with your DR)

veditha09 · Jan 17, 2012

Thanks sandhya, I have to take him. He knows about everything as it is his Health insurance and the bills are to be paid by him.So I cannot avoid him. Surgeon didn't not bring MRI result but instead bought a paper which I assume to be a report of the MRI and didn't even showed me.
My hubby has to be there in everything otherwise he will keep nagging continuously for that and I cannot telly my pain either as sometimes he intervenes and says what she is saying is mostly psychological as one of our relatives came and complained about some different pain and she started the same once they left.
Which was no way related to that. I don't have a clue how he can come up with such ideas. Regarding the copy they could have just taken a copy of that paper which will not cost anything but the problem is he wants it cut short even before a doubt sprouts in my brain.

veditha09 · Jan 17, 2012

Thank you ladies,

He is a different man.That's all I can say.

Saisakthi · Jan 17, 2012

Dear Sister Veda,

Many men are of the opinion that his wife should be all the time hail and healthy, they really dont understand that wife is also a human being.

Even my DH even if I am down with fever or any pain, he will go crazy and he will turn the house upside down, though he is otherwise nice and caring person, I have understood that as a Phobia of men who feel insecured to handle things at that kind of situation , but it is the other way around when they are sick.

Dont take it serious as it (a few in the crowd) is their nature and dont pick up arguements put it to him in a nice way and try to get things done in the routine as health issue is more important than trying to make him caring or understanding such situation.

Try to be more wise, though we can understand your position. May the almighty bless you in abudance and make you fit soon.

1Sandhya · Jan 18, 2012

As far as MRI is concerned, yes that is the way they do it nowadays. They don't give the actual x-ray or mri anymore, even if you request it. That is read by a radiologist and his report is sent to the referring physician. That is what was on the piece of paper.

Regarding your husband's attitude, I really don't know what to say. You have to stand up for yourself. It is your life and your health. I am sure you have had similar problems regarding other things as well, maybe you shd take this as an example and try to make him understand your pov. Sooner or later you have to make a stand, I hope you realize that. Think about how to do that and enlist the help of your family if necessary. If I were you, I would make a big deal about this as your health issue is something no one can fault you about.

Regarding the actual problem, can you describe it better. You mentioned limping...do you have kids...did you take an epidural during delivery?