Anyone living with cheating husband?

aamini · Jul 2, 2014

Hey All:
I wanted to know how many are living with cheating husband inspite of knowing he is cheating?
My husband cheated and continue cheating. he told openly he cant be without having multiple partner. He cant change. But he blames for that. You can get more details in my other post- How to make others for give you?
http://www.indusladies.com/forums/married-life/251489-how-make-others-forgive-you-2.html#post3314415

For the first time 1.5 yrs back when I caught him, I was totally shattered. it affected to so much. I cried day and night for atleast 4-5 months. But now I recovered in a day. I cant say completely recovered but somehow not so depressed as before. May be because i was expecting this.

When i research about men having multiple sex partners and cheating, it says one in 10 men are doing this. So is it like common like small fights at home?
Are there many many women are still in marriage knowing this?
I have heard about one of my uncle and one cousin. Though there are others also but they are not having great family atleast their wifes are looking like living together for sake of living. But my aunt (uncle's wife) and anni (brother's wife) are like praising their husband. I used to think how can it be possible? Even if not separating how can they praise so much? I used to think about these two when i was kid (10th std or so). How they can be so innocent when even i know what their husbands are?

So now i am thinking is it very common? 1 in 10 girls are being very unlucky to have these ppl as their husbands? Are they just living with them for sake of living or forgiving them? I am ready forgive if he ask for it and not going again. But I am sure it is not. He is doing this repeatedly for the same reason blaming me for 8 years.

I know he is using my guilt. But why I am not able to hate him. Why I am missing him so much? Is there anything wrong in me again? I can live without sex...but that is not i am waiting for him. Anyway for past 1 yr i rarely had 4-5 times tht too quick shot till he finishes....without even start feeling the pleasure it all ended.
So anyway i lived like that. I am not waiting for it. I For past 2.5 years after delivery we are not having great family life only. I am saying this to tell I didnt see anything much to miss now immediately. Yes, he was good for first 2 years till my daughter was born. After delivery he is like away from me most of the time. have lots of complaints and depression, it is all about him only. But i really wanted to cry on his lap only for tht.

why I am being like this? it is not that i always did like that. other than him i never had big issues in my life for which i cried on his lap. as told, other than him i didnt have big issues...when ever i have depression about him. i am looking again for him.

I have no answer for this? I have commented on one of my far cousin who is ready to go with her husband even if he has affair. how can she do this? But now I am in the same situation. She had a reason as she is not working and she had no choice. she told i cannot behind everyone for my kids (2 kids). Instead i can stay with him and atleast kids will grow without issue. But i dont have that issue. Atleast for now, I am the bread winner in my house. So why I am depending so much on him?

ivlakshmi · Jul 2, 2014

Most women stay with cheating partners for the sake of society, financial dependence , kids and their love for cheating partner. <br>Some women feel sad about it daily where as some women would attain detachment on such spouses. Some women do not wish to run behind courts and loose money.

JustLikeYou · Jul 2, 2014

aamini,

Will this same husband be okay if you had multiple partners? Ask him that question.

You are independent and he is not for you emotionally as well. Why do you do this to yourself?

Please DIVORCE your husband. Adultery may be common atleast some men apologize and dont repeat the behavior. But in your case you are in the relationship knowing that he is continuing to do so for the rest of his life.

You deserve peace and he is not going to give that to you and your daughter. Your daughter is going to grow up thinking that adultery is common and her possibility of ending up in a bad relationship becomes high.

Have you ever thought about STDs that he can bring to you??????

No woman deserves this...doesnt matter what your aunt or anni did. What you want to do or what you deserve and what you think is important to you and YOUR DAUGHTER.

darmesh · Jul 2, 2014

aamini said: ↑

. Atleast for now, I am the bread winner in my house. So why I am depending so much on him?
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That surprises me terribly.

In previous generation (and in this generation too) uneducated women, with no job , with no income have NO OPTION.

They have to lead their entire life with the husband, be it a cheating husband or a faithful husband. If faithful, then the wife would be really happy. If he is a cheating husband, then, she would pretend to be happy to the society and will carry on her DUTY as the mother of her kids. Where would she go ? She is after all uneducated and jobless.

For decades, these women silently bear with their cheating husbands and pass their entire life time.

It is when the women are educated and earning, they have started realising their rights : Their right of protesting when their men break the marriage promise.

It is irrational and unacceptable that an educated , earning wife would accept her husband's affair(s) outside home and will still continue to miss him.

You being an educated and earning wife, able to bear with his affairs for eight years is very much surprising to me.thinkingsmiley

To top it all, you say, you still love him and you still miss him ! Great !

Amar rahe Bharat ki naari ! (Long live Great Indian women ! )

MrsBV · Jul 2, 2014

If he is going to keep having affairs why are you still with him? you say you are the breadwinner so you are financially independent. your husband thinks you will forgive each and every indiscretion of his and so he continues to be what he is. I can only give you one advice - Stand up for yourself and tell him clearly it can be only you. Its not correct to generalize men and say most of them are like that. There are men who love their companions and remain faithful to them. Its also the fault of women if they ignore what is for everyone to see and in cases of your aunt and cousin they want to turn a blind eye to their husband's affairs and live in a make believe world that all is good. Do you not want to have a life where you are really happy? One has to make tough decisions in life to gain happiness and stability. If your husband is taking you for granted make him realize that you will not take his s**t and move on. You and your kid deserve better!

yellowmango · Jul 2, 2014

Dear OP...look for better role models than your aunt and cousin.Your daughter is watching you.Do you want her to one day say"My mom didn't mind being treated like a piece s***....why can't I do the same ?"

darmesh · Jul 2, 2014

yellowmango said: ↑

Dear OP...look for better role models than your aunt and cousin.Your daughter is watching you.Do you want her to one day say"My mom didn't mind being treated like a piece s***....why can't I do the same ?"
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That is the best punch dialogue of this month !

vishal21 · Jul 2, 2014

darmesh said: ↑

That is the best punch dialogue of this month !
Click to expand...

her every post seems to be the punch dialouge of this month ....may be sonner or later we will compile all her posts and that would be the action sequence of the year

she is one of the few gender neutral people around and gives advice accordingly

@op:- Divorce the jerk ...give him a nice sayo nara slap
because all his married life he took his wife for granted and had the guts to continue the adultery after being caught rather than being sorry for it ...

but Divorce is a complex legal procedure. Before opting for divorce you must think about your life after divorce and what all you must face during divorce. Are you willing to end your marriage, emotionally, socially and financially? Often clouded with emotions, spouse who is betrayed cannot put their thoughts into array of financial aspect of divorce, leaving them worse yet after it.

Joyoflife · Jul 2, 2014

What favour are doing to yourself and what example are setting for your daughter by putting up with this man? The number you have given that one in ten men cheat do not justify cheating. Your aunt and cousin put up with scoundrels all their life does not mean that you should too, we all have to live our own life and we all have to fight our own battles. Please do not justify cheating by comparing it to any other household fight. Gather some courage and walk of it ASAP. I am sorry for being blunt but I do not think that piece of **** will ever ask for forgiveness, because I beleive you never confronted him and he thinks your silence has given him a green signal to carry on with whatever he is doing. You are thinking only about him, but you should be thinking only about yourself and and your daughter. Be strong and stand up for yourself.

aamini · Jul 2, 2014

All:
I know it cannot be justified.

As i have already mentioned in mail I was not understanding why my aun and cousin are living like that.

My question to all was ...why I am like this? I was not accepting this for others. I am not in fear of any dependence. I do not want to accept him .... give him lesson. As told i had not been in physical with also so it is not that crave also.

But why Iam missing now? I have no answer. I am damn angry. but not able to hate him.....it is for sure i dont want to be physical with him anymore.

I just feel nothing but he is lucky to have me but dont actually deserve me. I was ever wondering unconditional love exist? now im thinking it can happen for foolish like me.

I donno how to explain. If I am in your position I would have given all same replies as you all give for any other.

But anyways, one point which i never thought about which you gave was my daughter will tend to accept this is common. I will definitely teach him a lesson. I will show what it is to my daughter.