Anyone Living Separated And Also No Kids ???

Star25 · Nov 28, 2019

SGBV said: ↑

Practically speaking, divorce without kids is much better than divorce with kids in our context.

I think you are working, and leading an independent life. If you are not welcomed at your parents' place, you can always move out to live on your own.
Make your own home, and be occupied there. That itself solves most of your problems for now.

Buying or renting out a small apartment, perhaps somewhere close to your parents' or siblings place should be the first step.
Hiring helpers such as maids, specially when you are at home for the chores helps too.
You can invite work friends, be friendly with new neighbors, try a new dish every now and then and share them with others....
Invite neighbor kids for now, and enjoy your leisure time with them.
Do visit your parents and siblings place, and invite them over to your place too.

You need to live your life, because divorce is not the end of your life.
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Thank you so much for your kind suggestions... Yes am working and it keeps me occupied but even at work sometimes I feel what am I going to do in future when I have already been left alone by 37 .. I cry most of the times when I feel sad and it makes my heart feel light after that... But if you had been in a good position before in life and then fell down and keep falling down more and more it's very hard to take it ...thats what is happening in my life... Yes people do tel me that good u didn't have kids but I felt that at least if I had a kid I would have someone for myself that I could care for and spend time ...may be in future I might adopt one depending on the situation... I always go out and never want to be at home alone... I liked the idea of renting an apartment and being there, in that way I can be on my own.. I will see how that works. Thanks again for ur time dear... Stay in touch

Star25 · Dec 1, 2019

ProudIndian said: ↑

Hello Op

Please be strong and ask support whenever needed. You are not alone. There are many many women trapped in bad marriages but stucked only because of kids. Once you have kid it's 24 hours 365 days your responsibility. You cannot sleep or take rest initial years till baby is 2 year old. Only mother has to do baby s work without help. All women get exhausted in that period and loose health. You might feel married women with kids and house are happy, it's wrong perception. Many husband's don't care about wife and kids. They are self centered and exploit wife. God has given you chance to start your life fresh. Rebuild your self. Study for higher education and get better job. Don t be dependant on anybody. Have goals in life like better health, better job, better life then you will not feel lonely.
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@ProudIndian : Wow so much positivity ur giving me... Feeling blessed to even read such suggestions ..thabk u so much.. I was thinking that at least if I have a kid I will be occupied but as u said it will be more time spent with the kid and very Lil time for our own selves.. I like the line "God has given you a chance to start your life afresh " ...this really means a lot to me... Thanks a lot for giving me the courage and mental strength dear

Star25 · Dec 1, 2019

Aarushi said: ↑

Please get rid of your fear that your parents will forget you if you moved away. Clinging to someone is not an answer to being loved. you cannot force someone to talk to you. Your parents might have a better relationship with you if you moved out and stayed independently by yourself.

You are obviously not getting the emotional help from them that you want. Your life maybe needs a little shake up? Try and find a roommate and live in your own apartment. If you have had a gap of 4 yrs, join a course and learn some new skills- cloud and big data analytics is very much in. Make friends at office and try and go out more with them. The best emotional support comes from girlfriends so try and make some.

You need to get out of the rut that you are in. Being scared and fearful is understandable but you have to make that effort and get out of it. There is so much to see and do in the world. You feel like having a child? Why don’t you go ahead and sponsor someone at your local orphanage? Volunteer sometime at children’s non profits. Why don’t you travel a bit and see the world? Go outside your comfort zone. There is a group called women on wanderlust. Check them out on Facebook. They organize all women’s trips at popular places around the world. A lot of them are single.

You cannot improve your life by just thinking about it. You would need to actually act on some of the pointers.
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Aarushi said: ↑

Please get rid of your fear that your parents will forget you if you moved away. Clinging to someone is not an answer to being loved. you cannot force someone to talk to you. Your parents might have a better relationship with you if you moved out and stayed independently by yourself.

You are obviously not getting the emotional help from them that you want. Your life maybe needs a little shake up? Try and find a roommate and live in your own apartment. If you have had a gap of 4 yrs, join a course and learn some new skills- cloud and big data analytics is very much in. Make friends at office and try and go out more with them. The best emotional support comes from girlfriends so try and make some.

You need to get out of the rut that you are in. Being scared and fearful is understandable but you have to make that effort and get out of it. There is so much to see and do in the world. You feel like having a child? Why don’t you go ahead and sponsor someone at your local orphanage? Volunteer sometime at children’s non profits. Why don’t you travel a bit and see the world? Go outside your comfort zone. There is a group called women on wanderlust. Check them out on Facebook. They organize all women’s trips at popular places around the world. A lot of them are single.

You cannot improve your life by just thinking about it. You would need to actually act on some of the pointers.
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Thank u so much Aarushi for taking your time in giving so detailed suggestions... Like u said the only thing I got to do is stay away from my family at least for sometime so that that same feeling of anger and hatred won't be coming in mind again and again.. I used to go to sleep blind orphanage and read out to them... I got lot of mental satisfaction in doing so... I used to go once in a week ...its been a while since I visited the orphanage... I will follow ur suggestions about how to enjoy life agile staying alone... My heartfelt thanks to u for ur support...do keep in touch!

Vedhavalli · Dec 1, 2019

@Star25 I heard many say "sticking to the marriage only because of kids, else I would live happily".
So pls come out the thought not having kids.
With a child it's more emotional turmoil. Imagine small brain going thru drastic changes, own grandparents insults. Better your alone, give your life start .

Go to some classes like Zumba, music,yogato calm self.
Join educational certification courses on your career line, if you have enough time join part time MBA, or any master degree courses.
Be confident.
Buy new set of work, casual clothes, buy nice footwears.
Go to parlor take care of yourself in a very good way.
As you go to orphanage, help them out.
Join NGO who teach kids. You will be amazed see them learn.
If you're relectant to move into a individual flat, move to a working women's hostel or find a apartment to share with ladies.its safer, cheaper and you will have a company.
Visit parents once a week for a dinner or lunch.

See your self newly born.

Star25 · Dec 2, 2019

Vedhavalli said: ↑

@Star25 I heard many say "sticking to the marriage only because of kids, else I would live happily".
So pls come out the thought not having kids.
With a child it's more emotional turmoil. Imagine small brain going thru drastic changes, own grandparents insults. Better your alone, give your life start .

Go to some classes like Zumba, music,yogato calm self.
Join educational certification courses on your career line, if you have enough time join part time MBA, or any master degree courses.
Be confident.
Buy new set of work, casual clothes, buy nice footwears.
Go to parlor take care of yourself in a very good way.
As you go to orphanage, help them out.
Join NGO who teach kids. You will be amazed see them learn.
If you're relectant to move into a individual flat, move to a working women's hostel or find a apartment to share with ladies.its safer, cheaper and you will have a company.
Visit parents once a week for a dinner or lunch.

See your self newly born.
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@Vedhavalli : thank u do much dear for ur thoughts... Yes I was sure not to honor a kid even artificially (since husband is impotent), bcoz I feel of the foundation itself isn't strong then there is no point going to the next level ..knowing that the child is going to suffer cant go for having one.. So I am happy with my decision.. And I do go to orphanage, it gives me mental satisfaction.. I love all the suggestions u gave me to rise up ..i will try it out.. Thanks a lot for sharing

Vedhavalli · Dec 3, 2019

Star25 said: ↑

@Vedhavalli : thank u do much dear for ur thoughts... Yes I was sure not to honor a kid even artificially (since husband is impotent), bcoz I feel of the foundation itself isn't strong then there is no point going to the next level ..knowing that the child is going to suffer cant go for having one.. So I am happy with my decision.. And I do go to orphanage, it gives me mental satisfaction.. I love all the suggestions u gave me to rise up ..i will try it out.. Thanks a lot for sharing
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You will rise and shine like STAR