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Anyone Living Separated And Also No Kids ???

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by Star25, Nov 25, 2019.

  1. Star25

    Star25 Gold IL'ite

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    Friends,
    Is there any women in the group who are living separately from their hubby but not divorced yet and also do not have kids?? Coz am one of them.. I Do not have my parents support as well, no kids, staying in my parents house for the past 2 years.. My previois posts are under the name "Left alone in the dark.. Pls help" and "giving up in life ..lost hope " ..i got lots of inputs from everyone about how to lead a happy life.. Thanks to everyone for all ur suggestions ...
    I am following it as much as possible but still it is difficult to lead this lonely life... I am managing somehow . ..but wanted to know if there are any others in the group just like me who are separated and not having kids ...wanted to know how they are moving on with life?? Is it going to be difficult in the long run with regards to security ?? If u have any suggestions from ur experiences please share... Waiting for ur replies friends. .Plz share..
     
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  2. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    Waiting rooms often have magazines, so that people can occupy themselves. The idea is that an Occupied Wait is Shorter than an Unoccupied One. The shiny stainless steel door for the elevator (Lift) is where people can appreciate their face, see if there is any food stuck on it, smile at it and check their teeth as well. An occupied wait, and the elevator comes up before they are finished running their tongue-tip over the front teeth and take a look at the aftereffect.

    Here is a very uplifting reading matter for you: Step up Indian men—or we'll live happily ever after with our careers

    In the old old days, when divorce was practically impossible, women came to live with their parents because the husband's home denied her admittance (for whatever reason), or she was widowed, and they had no purpose for her to stay there. And the woman had to make do with whatever happened to her. Do chores in someone's home (parents, or sibling) in exchange for room/board. And tough it out until curtains. For employed women these days, life is a lot better. They could have work friends, and go out with them to whatever the local entertainment offers.

    Best wishes.
     
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  3. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    divorced, no kids.. In the long run, everything is going to get better, because once your only responsibility is you, you can have more mental peace, focus on your wellbeing, career and finances.. Most importantly you get to make all the decisions for yourself.Cheer up op, if you have good physical and mental health, you can get out of any mess. And we are lucky to be living in an era, where divorced people can lead a normal good life like anyone else.. My specific experience has been , things are getting better and better every day. Far happier than I have ever been in my life before.. Promise you, there will be better days ahead for u..
     
  4. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Platinum IL'ite

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    All the best OP. Keep yourself busy. Go volunteer at orphanage or old age home.
    Take an art lesson, pottery or singing. Art is a great way to soothe the mind and nerves. Get yourself moving, Zumba, salsa whatever.
     
  5. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    OP, I know a couple with the same status. But they are living in USA, no kids. After many years of unhappy marriage, finally they are separated. One moved to another state ,got a better job. Both of them are living alone in their own apartments, have their own hobbies, friends, and leading a happy life now

    As long as you live with your parents you wont be able to explore. It will be suffocating to live like that. If you are working, try to move to another city so that you can live your life the way you want. If your marriage is not consummated why dont go for annulment. What's the point in living separate and dont have any intention to live together in future. If you are working in IT field, any chance to be in a foreign country?...explore ..

    I wish you a happy life with whatever you chose to do. Take control of your life.
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2019
  6. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Platinum IL'ite

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    OP,
    My ILs are terrible and husband is weird. They still are, after 15 years of marriage and children.
    'Separated' sounds like a 'verb' meaning I stepped away. I was asked to leave the house by ILs and husband, after a big drama.They do this to all DILs in their extended family. It's a way to bell the cat. Anyways, the incident ended up in "separation" which was inflicted on me, not really my choice. I wanted to stay in the marriage and was very distraught. I was separated for 1-2 years and then I cried my way back into the marriage.
    I was in US, I wasn't at my parents. I got a job in another city. Since, I came to the country as student, I was very well versed with "living by myself". I had no trouble there. But it is tough. It was not the same as me being alone, when I was not married. Being alone when being separated, is different. It was tough; emotionally, I was a wreck. When I crept back "spineless" in my marriage, my ILs and husband took home, even better deal than before separation.

    Anyways, getting back to you. I understand your pain and suffering. You have a job
    and that is your biggest strength. Your parents are your support, even though it might not seem like it. During this phase, what you need most is "emotional strength". I strongly suggest that you do not leave parents house. If parent's house is bad, then outside, it is worse. Your job is the biggest strength and to keep that in good standing, you have to devote whatever "mental strength" you have, towards it. If you live alone, you will see noone at the end of day and that will be bad. Now, even if parents are bad, there is some interaction and that keeps your brain stimulated. You need something after your work, which will not be detrimental to work itself. But when home, don't take on more chores than your fair share. Use it as room and boarding (some days). Get yourself in some classes, some volunteer work, that will keep you away from the house itself, when not at work. That will make others at home. not take you for granted. Remember, that in the end- parents are people too, and everyone goes through the range of emotions of jealousy, pity etc. Please excuse them. They are still better than roommates you might find. I have lived with many roomies.

    Basically, have a fulfilling life when living at parents. Let all emotions that you feel, go through you- do not stop them, that way they will go through you.
    E.g. if you feel why one friend has it all and you don't have it, then instead of fighting the feeling, just acknowledge it and let it go

    Do you go for morning walk, if you don't, then start it. That is the best way to start your day. Live one day at a time.
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2019
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  7. Star25

    Star25 Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks dear for your time in writing in so much detail.. I read the article.. It's too good.. Yes I do feel sometimes that it's peaceful robbed this way but at the same time I feel am missing on so many things and wasting my life too... Feeling insecure and lonely most of the times... It's like am pushing my life everyday ...ig I had a kid at least I would have been occupied... Now that am always by myself negative thoughts keep coming in my mind again n again..
     
  8. Star25

    Star25 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi dear on reading ur post felt ur life is also similar to mine... If u read my previous posts that I have mentioned u will know ...i feel scared leaving my house for the reason that already my parents/ relatives are not even talking to me... It's as if am invisible to their eyes.. If I go somewhere else my parents will actually forget me altogether and be very happy for the reason that they don't have to answer to my neighbors questions as to why an still staying at my parents place... I Don want to get into depression..like you I just want emotional support someone who should be there to care and listen and to talk ..currebtku am living one day at a time only coz if am thinking about my future not findinh an answer... I have only ppl like you to whom I can share...thank u so much dear for ur suggestions....i will keep posting whevever I need help... Plz stay in touch :thumbup:
     
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  9. Star25

    Star25 Gold IL'ite

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    Am feeling good to read ur reply bcoz there's so much of positivity.. I hope there are good days ahead.. I do feel good sometimes bcoz its very peaceful without anyone ...but still scares me to live alone in the long run.. Thanks for ur good thoughts and encouraging me dear. ..pls do keep in touch..
     
  10. Star25

    Star25 Gold IL'ite

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    @DDream - Thank u so much for ur time in giving ur suggestions ..yes ur right my marriage is not consummated.. I didn't know about this annulment that u mentioned.. Will consult a lawyer regarding this... Thanks a lot dear for letting me know about it .. As I didn't work during my second marriage my IT experience got wasted... As there is a gap of 4 years now can't go into that field also... Currently working in a banking bpo.. Looking for better jobs only.. Am feeling so good that ppl like u are helping me out with ur suggestions.. Thanks a lot and stay in touch always!!!
     
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