Anyone faced such insults? How do u react?

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by EnlightenedSoul, Dec 10, 2013.

  1. EnlightenedSoul

    EnlightenedSoul IL Hall of Fame

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    When ever I am shopping for handbags, dresses or any items than we use for months and years, I look that item in more than 3,4 shops for best quality, best price deal, etc. we are going to spend our own hard earned money in dollars.
    Mostly I am faced with annoying questions like, "any help?"(never they would ask this with white people(sorry, for mentioning as 'white people', just to differentiate treatments)), "just happy looking?"-
    continuously looking for, what things we are looking, which is very annoying and I get angry, with their attitudes like, we are there to theft some thing and looking us like a thief.( if it's their duty, then they have to be like that with everyone)
    anybody faced with situations like these? How do you react?
     
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  2. vathsala30

    vathsala30 Platinum IL'ite

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    this is coz some Indians showed their dirty colours abroad tarnishing our country name and tht is the reason they think that all Indians are like that and be in their own alertness.
     
  3. vibha_81

    vibha_81 Gold IL'ite

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    then you have not been in a cosmetics section of some stores in india...I have not faced any such problem in U.S so far(infact most of the times i am searching for the store people) but was tagged along in many stores in India and i mostly get out of those stores fast!! Why cannot they put a buzzer for us to ring for assistance and add cameras everywhere?

    with an advent of lawsuits against race discrimination of some high end stores in USA, many companies are more cautious now to not project any discrimination but the kind of subtle discrimination you mentioned is hard to use to file a formal complaint...

    if they ask you "just happy looking?" tell them that you would be happy to buy if you see something good in their store...If you buy the product you will be happy, if you do not they will know that you have not seen anything good in their store..
     
  4. EnlightenedSoul

    EnlightenedSoul IL Hall of Fame

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    So, they think all natives are good?, no, I have seen even in supermarkets, opened food items, left half eaten. It is pure race discrimination as vibha said.
     
  5. vibha_81

    vibha_81 Gold IL'ite

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    race discrimination does exist because there is no smoke without fire...but its probably the opinion of few ignorant store people than the stand of entire crowd...I have myself felt it a few times but i also have experienced very helpful people. I let it go because i realised that it is like in India, rudeness and ignorance is not restricted to a nation how much ever developed it might be..
     
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  6. EnlightenedSoul

    EnlightenedSoul IL Hall of Fame

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    Mostly it will be only in small area shops, not in shops with larger areas.


    sure, generally most of the time, they are looking down.

    Good reply!;-)
     
  7. EnlightenedSoul

    EnlightenedSoul IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes, but not being in motherland, being odd in a crowd, it's a big challenge to tackle such situations and people. If we let in, their look downs within us, it just eats up our self confidence.
     
  8. Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

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    ES, reading of your experience immediately brought to mind Oprah Winfrey's story of a similar incident that happened to her in Europe:

    BBC News - Oprah Winfrey 'racism row' a 'misunderstanding'

    So, if it's any solace, what you are experiencing is not confined to mere plebeians like us, but also the rich and famous!

    As others have said, don't let this sort of thing get you down. In my experience, sometimes it's our own insecurities, sometimes it's some sort of language/culture barrier (being in an unfamiliar place or misreading the body language/cues/tone - this could apply to the salesperson, too), and sometimes, it is racism or some sort of prejudiced behavior.

    I try to be as nice as possible to service people, even if they are not always very nice to me. This is probably why I mainly shop online, I think - I get to virtually stalk items, move obsessively from store to store, and so on, without attracting attention!

    What helps me to do this is imagine their lives and jobs - it can't be easy walking that fine line between helping, and intruding. It's also not the highest-paying job ever, and I imagine it comes with its own share of frustrations and stress. Shoplifting is a real problem for many stores, and the attendants are at the front line, answerable to the absentee owners and bearing the brunt of customers' bad behavior.

    All of this is not an excuse for bad behavior or racism, but a way, rather, for you to focus on the real problem, and not take it as a personal insult. Yes, it is wrong (or may be wrong - you can't know for sure there was malice behind the questions), but that doesn't mean you did anything wrong, or you're a bad person. So don't let it become about that. The person who treats you badly is the one at fault, not you.

    And if you feel really strongly that you have been insulted or discriminated against, you can take some action, to prevent this beating-yourself-up after the fact kind of obsessing. Try to make small talk with the attendant in question, to diffuse the situation and discern if they really are being discriminatory. If they are still rude, then you can contact the store manager in a letter or email to voice your concerns (ask the offending attendant, very politely, for his/her name and position in the store).

    My husband recently reminded me of an incident, long ago, in South Africa, when I became enraged at a restaurant because the avocado in my toasted bacon-avocado sandwich was discolored (yes, I can never remember anyone's birthday or anniversary, but I remember every meal I've eaten). It was not the oxidized avo that was the problem, but the manager's reaction to my very polite complaint. And it was morning time and I was hungry, which is like waving a red flag at a bull.

    His attitude aggravated the situation to the point that I wrote an email of complaint to the restaurant head office afterwards, and received a reply which included an apology and an offer to refund me my money. I wrote back and thanked them for their apology, and said the refund was not necessary because "it was the principle, not the money, that was my concern". This could have been all avoided if the idiot in question had just given me a new sandwich instead of insulting my intelligence by telling me "avocados discolor when they are heated".

    I hate bad service, and always write letters of complaint if I am sure of my position. But the flip side of this is giving credit where it is due, too - tipping generously if service has been good, and contacting management/owners if employees are exceptional or go above and beyond.
     
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  9. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    I am not sure the intention is to annoy you. Customer service (or 'guest experience' in corporate-speak! :wink:) has become a big mantra. Don't forget, there is negligible manufacturing in the US, it's now a service economy. When a salesperson flits by asking whether you need help, it's because they have been trained to.

    The problem is that some companies do the training well (Starbucks is touted as a leader), others are sloppy. Some companies are able to vet and hire good customer-service employees, others are more-or-less first-come-first-served - mall stores often belong to this category. So, it may not be any kind of unsavory intent - just very poorly delivered service.

    To be honest, I have had many experiences of poor service, but none where I felt I was being discriminated against. Quite the contrary in fact. When I wander about in art galleries in New York or California, the salesperson is usually very careful to assume that I might be a dude who just sold his startup, with money to burn. I can almost feel the wheels turning & gears meshing in their heads. I always get invitations to other solo exhibitions of artists I show an interest in - to Taos, Santa Fe, Aspen wherever .... !

    Just relax and be confident. It's all a matter of how you carry yourself, body-language, clothes, little non-verbal cues (& of course geography!). Carry yourself like a memsahib, you will be treated like a memsahib - chances are that the salesperson who turns you off is working a minimum wage job on commission, not doing half as well as you!
     
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  10. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    to tell you truth ,i am not very assertive & do feel rather pushed if salesman or woman try to offer help.i am more happy in browsing alone without help.as such I have neverr faced any problem though once in super market I was very thirsty & opened the water bottle to drink without 1st paying for it.I was told rather rudely to 1st pay by one of the assistants.as i felt I was the one in error,i did apologise to the floor manager who was kind enough to admit that it would be good policy if they had water dispensers in every aisle as its not easy to stand in long queue just to pay for one thing.still it was lesson well learnt & now i do carry water in my handbag or use the express pay aisle.
     
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