Any Primary Breadwinners?

It indeed will and in time corrode ur marriage. Reminded me of what my grandmother would say "athu manusha kitta rombha paal kanakku thair kannakku parkkadai" translates to "with people close to u do not track petty things like cost of milk/curd" . It took me many years to understand the wisdom of that saying. Life and marriage both are very long and no matter how meticulously we plan there will always be surprises and not necessarily to our liking or comfort. Ur spouse is going to be ur biggest source of support during those times . Why grudge someone that imp in ur life a couple of years of leisure?
Remember things always even out in the end...and when we are in a position to give its best to give generously.
Having grandparents around is one of the blessings that is fast disappearing in todays world. I do not know how old ur kids are ..but I am assuming they are fairly young if grandparents are able to take complete care. This wont last too long. Soon they will go to school ,will have tons of after school activities plenty of homework/tests ..ur spouse will have his hands ,legs pretty much everything full. Encourage him to explore other areas ..spend time together as a family and indulge them. Best wishes!

 

From your replies it seems like being a SAHD does not seem to be working well for your husband inspite of what was decided. No wonder he has completely hung his boots the moment MIL showed up and took over.
I don’t see why he cannot get back to the getting a job. Women have done it by choice or because of circumstances.
You need to have a talk with him if this arrangement is indeed working well as you thought it was.

 

I think you need to discuss with your husband as to how to productively contribute to your house, how to use his time more productively, pursue some passion etc now that someone else is there to support in household stuff. It is not just the question of who is doing what. We only have one life. He should not look back and regret.

 

You shouldn't have to justify why you feel the way you do. Everyone is entitled to their feelings.

You are in a household with 4 adults — 1 adult (you) is financially supporting the entire family, 1 adult (your MIL) is doing all the housework and childcare, 2 adults (DH and FIL) contribute nothing. This is not what you signed on for.

Additionally, seeing your DH regressing to an irresponsible adolescent can be disturbing. I would also worry that he might develop feelings of worthlessness and depression.

SAHMs typically don't sit on their hands 24/7 in this day and age. Women who are unable to work due to lack of education or visa restrictions don't watch TV all day. They seek education, volunteer work, hobbies, something constructive to occupy their time. An adult who is content to watch TV all day is unusual.

Your instincts are right, IMO, and you do need something to change.

Have a chat with your DH about his activities. Be calm, non-accusative, say "we" often. Express positive feelings about his parents living with you. Find out how he feels about his present lifestyle. Suggest he use this opportunity to get a job or to further his education so he can find employment in the future.

Personally, I'm all for role-reversal. However, the worrisome aspect of your situation is a young healthy adult male with no purpose in life, no reason to get out of bed in the mornings, no achievements to look back on. This can be damaging if it stretches into several years.

Above all, trust your gut. If you feel this needs to change, work on changing it.

Good luck, @anayasree!

 

U are attempting to play ur official role at home.
managing ur spouse and his time. U have a range of suggestions to choose from and I am sure u will choose well. Good luck!

 

@anayasree - This issue is building resentment in you.You need to convey this to your H at the earliest ,possibly over a dinner outside.You can cite the same egs which you have done here . Or ask him to wear your shoes and analyse the whole situation.You can ask him whether he misses his career that he has stopped pitching in the housework.

Do tell him this.It will boost his morale. Also tell him that you miss the rhythm or synchrony you both had. Or you can say - I miss your cooking so much. Positively nudge him to open up .
I don't think even when our moms come to help us with a newborn or later ,women relax while moms work.We are no longer kids.When I visited my parents house with my newborn,if my mom cooked,I washed the dishes or swept /mopped.It would otherwise make one feel too guilty to do nothing being a grown up.And I have also seen that if wife's mother stays over for too long doing every little thing when wife is a SAHM ,some husbands also have problems . So ,its not that you are trying to control everything around you ,your feelings are totally normal.
Talk to him,don't let it build up inside you.He seems like a sensitive guy,he will definitely understand.