Angry and upset

This is absolutely unacceptable and you would have to take a stand by taking your husband into confidence for this matter.
Why do your in-laws live with you - are they too old, lack separate accommodation, DH is only son or because it is a family tradition.

 

Can't your DH talk sense into them?
If not, i think separating is a good idea since you telling them did not work.

Also when ur son is not around try using similar language with them , grab their reaction as opportunity to teach the lesson

 

Make your son repeat these words in front of your husband! I think that should take care.

 

Do not hit your child or scold him. Just look disgusted when he uses such words and say, "darling, only uncouth people talk like that. It is extremely uncivilised. Please don't use such words again. If you can say it in front of ILs, it's great. When your FIL is being uncivilised in front of your son, do confront him. Firmly say, "stop! If you are angry, go inside and drink a glass of water. Don't use such words in front of my child." The "stop!" Is the important bit. Remember to keep using it. Also ask your husband to talk to his folks.

 

hi, i know what you been going thru as i am going thru the same situation... i only wish dad and other people undersand why i am telling them not to repeat.. even my husband use some words my 2.5 yr old son just keep repeating them without knowing the meaning of those words... and my nephews,and their parents says the bad words and he keep picking up.. how much can i try to tell them stop using it while adults themselves using it without thinking anything.. unless i move out this problem is going to be there for me till then.i wish god put some sense in this people...

as your son is 4 yr old you can clearly explain it to him and he can understand better..just follow what other ils suggest... please let me know if any tricks work for you...

 

This is a fantastic suggestion.

Ideally, the child should not be in an environment where unacceptable words are used — and if a change of environment is not possible, then start placing limitations on the time every time your PILs use unacceptable terms.

However, as your child grows...he will ultimately have to learn how to discern between an acceptable way to express himself and an unacceptable way. I imagine this will require a series of conversations with your child where you tell him to use his better judgement because inevitably, the child will encounter similar terms when they're outside of the house (in school or amongst friends — boy, I remember having most of my initial exposure to uncouth vernacular via friends in elementary school shakehead).

Teach your child that this kind of derogatory terminology is used by people who are don't know a better way to express themselves. Teach him to recognize abusive language and how he should deal with it (e.g. "Stop using such words" or simply walking away). Reinforce to your child that he, as a smart and educated individual, should be able to find much better ways to express himself along with his frustrations.

Maybe this can become a great opportunity to have your child ready books. You can encourage your child to talk about vocabulary and phrases used in the book. Which ones were used to express positive emotions vs. which ones were used to express the frustrating emotions? Which ones were unacceptable? Can he come up with a better way to rephrase that unacceptable term so it's acceptable? (Like playing a game of taboo...you can't use specific words). Exposing him to literature and contemporary media can also help teach him what the acceptable ways are!

Another possibility to reinforce this message is to consider gamifying this somehow (which I know sounds crazy but I've seen it work with a lot of children which is why I bring it up). Along with your series of conversations, give your child a jar and make an agreement between your PILs that anytime they wind up using derogatory terms around your child, your child will "bust them" and they will pay up somehow (monetarily or something else). Doesn't have to be much. Even just a coin. But just something to turn this around and reinforce that message with your child.

 

Teach your kid to say, "Don't use such word. Only bad people use such words" - regardless of whomever uses it. Let him say that once to your FIL when he uses it. I think that would work.

Teach your kid to correct people when they use such words, an advice from the little one would be like a whiplash to the elders!