Anger Management

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Anger is something my husband does not like in me. Yesterday we had a huge argument. Me and my husband live in different cities. He is planning on moving to where I live. Each time I bring up the topic of moving, he gives me excuse about some reason. I wait until he takes care of it and then I bring up the topic again, but I hear a different reason. I feel he is not making it the highest priority in his list and that makes me feel not loved, unwanted, neglected, lots of insecurities, frustration. His actions make me feel that he does not long to be with me. Yesterday, he told me that he is delaying to move to my place as he is afraid of my anger, that I shout when I am angry and that I throw things on the floor (I just did it once, that too when he packed his bag and wanted to leave:hide. I felt that he does not want to move as moving involves hassles of preparing resume, floating it, preparing for interviews etc etc. Since he is quite comfortable now he does not want to make any extra effort to move. He says he wants to move but does not put in any effort. I need to push him to work on resume, talk to people and apply for jobs.
Yesterday when I heard him, I felt he is blaming me to cover up his actual reason. I was the one talking mostly; he was listening, as always. At one point, when I pushed him to give me a hard date, he told me that he will try for couple of months. If he gets the job, he moves otherwise we continue with the current setup. I was deeply hurt. I lost my temper and started shouting at him. I threw things on the floor.
But, I rarely get angry like yesterday. Mostly, when he talks about living separately or when his actions cause a fear in me that he will leave me.
I am practicing meditation. It’s just that sometimes, I feel very lonely, scared and so frustrated that I loose my temper.
I have a heavy heart and just wanted to vent out. Thank You for listening.


GA

 

We have discussed about it and decided that he moves to the place I live as it has more job opportunities. Otherwise I have no issues to move to his place.
He tells me that he does not have any problem moving, but does not like my anger and that is the reason for not moving. I told him not to utter words like he will stay away from me or leave me which will trigger my anger. He has the art of saying hurtful things calmly, how much ever angry he is. But on the other hand I handle my anger differently. He tells me that I am behaving abnormal.
He tells me that he likes 95% of me. I am trying to control my anger. But I do not feel that he is being honest and is trying to blame me for not able to move.

 

Thanks Ragini. Yes, I did consider what you suggested. I am giving it couple of months, before I let him know my decision. I do not mind to give up my career too.

My anger yesterday was out of frustration.

I guess main problem here is, my anger issues. I do it mostly with him. I am not an angry person. I do not loose my temper with anybody. My husband feels I am very abnormal person.

 

Thanks falgunid, I guess, you are understanding what I am going through. He tells me that he likes 95% of me, the 5% he does not like in me is my anger. I do want to change it, but few words from him really turn me off.

The place I live in is good in long term, both personally and career wise. We spoke about the pros and cons of both our places and made a decision that he will move here. I guess, I wanted him the take the initiative instead of me pushing him to look for a job. When he is not actively doing it, I am getting frustrated.

He is a very nice person, an introvert. All the people close to me so far are very expressive. I guess, that might also be a reason for my frustration.

Thanks for listening and your suggestions. I hope I learn to control my self.

 

Thanks Flyingsparks. Yes, I have read your thread. I pray and wish you a good life.

I get angry at him because, he does not take me seriously. My intention is not to control him but I might be doing it, I am not sure. I just don't know. Thank you though, for bringing it up. I will give it a thought.

Thank You for offering an ear to listen to my venting. I truly appreciate it.

Thank You for your wishes and I wish you the same too.