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Analyse this please!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sillyme, May 5, 2015.

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  1. May 6, 2015 #11
    yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op....your husband was being very petty .Period. No other words for it.
    But no need to argue about it
    Your parents are healthy and fine and pray to God that they stay for a long time .
    When the time comes...your parents don't have to depend on their son in law 's magnanimity for their last rites.
    You can do it. Or hope your son grows up and has a mind of his own...so that he doesn't need his father's permission to do it. Your husband does not own his son...besides, he is not the only parent.

    Don't ever tell this to your parents. Why break their heart by this pettiness....
     
    yellowmango, May 6, 2015
    yellowmango, May 6, 2015
    #11
    2 people like this.
  2. May 7, 2015 #12
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    sillyme, acknowledging and discussing one's mortality, including funeral details, and similarly that of one's parents is not weird. When we wrote our will and had to fill in advanced medical care directives, it was a very illuminating discussion, and we realized that we had similar preferences, except on one surprising point. I digress.

    Frankly, I think dying is a very personal and inexplicable thing, and the thing your husband kept repeating, while not tactful to keep harping on it, is an ok preference/family tradition to have or hope for.

    It is not a bad idea, IMO, to discuss about parents' funerals, before the need arises. Not like make it a huge discussion, and get everybody upset, but, a basic idea of the preferences of parents' and whether those can be implemented, doesn't hurt. Like, in your case, it is better to have an inkling of husband's views rather than realize at the unfortunate time.

    Please don't take this to heart - but you asked for opinions, and I want to share my honest opinion. Performing last rites by a person who is still a child should ideally happen if both parents of that child are 100% OK with it. That being said, it would be terribly insensitive for a man or woman to tell spouse who has lost a parent that their child cannot do the last rites.

    It is a very painful topic. Maybe someday it can be discussed in a general form, and not specific to a particular case.
     
    Rihana, May 7, 2015
    Rihana, May 7, 2015
    #12
  3. May 7, 2015 #13
    DKI

    DKI Platinum IL'ite

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    Crazy topic to fight over. But coming to the point that your husband says your son will "first" do the rites for him, he is technically saying the truth. The oldest son cannot perform the final rites for anybody if his parents are still alive. Only after he performs for one of the parents can he do for another person.

    2 years ago I lost my cousin brother. My uncle and aunt were alive, so it was the younger brother who did the rites. His older brother, my oldest cousin, could not perform it. A year later, my uncle passed away, and this oldest son was the one who did it.
     
    DKI, May 7, 2015
    DKI, May 7, 2015
    #13
  4. May 7, 2015 #14
    thegirlygirl

    thegirlygirl Platinum IL'ite

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    What is his obsession with being the first one to be given the 'honour??'
    Ask him what happens if you happen to die before him?
    Is a mother going to be denied her right to a cremation by her son just because the father wants only and only himself to be the first one?
     
    thegirlygirl, May 7, 2015
    thegirlygirl, May 7, 2015
    #14
    4 people like this.
  5. May 7, 2015 #15
    peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    If the wife goes as a Sumangali, the husband is the one that lights the funeral pyre.

    OP, actually at this time... all this talk is moot point. We have electric crematoriums these days, so not sure how that would be handled.... fight over who turns on the switch, perhaps? Do you realize what an absolutely silly thing this is to fight over? Especially when none of you are on your death-beds or anything like that?!!
     
    peartree, May 7, 2015
    peartree, May 7, 2015
    #15
  6. May 7, 2015 #16
    yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    What else?...that sense of entitlement that comes from having a son.Someone else's daughter should take care of them in old age but their son or even grandson cannot even perform last rites of that girl's parents.How dare their son be used up by others before them.

    Of course it is not something that they have made up...it is something very convenient that is supposed too be done according too religion.
     
    yellowmango, May 7, 2015
    yellowmango, May 7, 2015
    #16
    2 people like this.
  7. May 7, 2015 #17
    coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    but yellowmango, even the op wants her son to do last riots for her parents...why she shuld not do it for her parents...reason if somebody doesnt have a son, son of duaghter can be considered as a son......so everybody even woman are after son...i am unable to understand this son frenzy....for whatever reason...last riots or anything else....
     
    coolgal123, May 7, 2015
    coolgal123, May 7, 2015
    #17
  8. May 7, 2015 #18
    yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    True...but in such cases ,sometimes the opinion of the deceased also matter. These days a lot of people are ok with daughters doing it .It was considered that emotionally women are not strong enough to go through it.I have seen a cremation...it is quite unpleasant.
     
    yellowmango, May 7, 2015
    yellowmango, May 7, 2015
    #18
  9. May 7, 2015 #19
    coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    i agree tht it can be morbid and all woman can not face it...but in tht case small children also cant not face it....and if everybody keep on giving importance to son ...people who have son will keep on feeling entitled...
     
    coolgal123, May 7, 2015
    coolgal123, May 7, 2015
    #19
  10. May 7, 2015 #20
    yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    It's not like women can't face it...It is just that they have till now had an option of not doing it.It is tough for the guys too.They don't have an option.
    When one is given the option...one gets the strength to face it. Cremating ones loved ones is not easy for any one.
     
    yellowmango, May 7, 2015
    yellowmango, May 7, 2015
    #20
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