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An Ex Creating Problems In Married Life

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by mimi77, Sep 17, 2019.

  1. mimi77

    mimi77 Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks a lot.... Fully agree with you... And this is exactly what I had been thinking since day 1...They just used me to rebuild their relationship... They are actually partners in crime.... I had understood their whole game since day 1 but unfortunately not being able to convince my husband somehow... I hope one day he should understand that
     
  2. rgz

    rgz Gold IL'ite

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    mimi - I'll be totally frank stating this - you screwed up your marriage, your hubby didnt screw it up, and you are "frustrated at your DH that he is not ok just yet" with your 'explanation'. You stopped the emotional fling when you got caught, otherwise you didnt stop the contact with ex , on your own.

    Read your thread from 1 year ago that you posted.

    You screwed it up, now DH is the one who gets to decide the next step and however long it takes. You lost your right to whine about it after being less faithful to him than what he thought you were. He now knows the truth about what you did behind his back (aka emotional cheating). That's the truth. Perhaps on IL - people will tolerate your whine abt the DH, but he won't and he has every right to not tolerate your whine/irritation about him, after the backstabbing you did by hiding the fact that you reconnected with ex and emotionally cheating on your hubby.
     
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2019
    Sunshine04 likes this.
  3. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    We all make mistakes and that's why we are humans. I'm not supporting OP but a little empathy to OP's situation is what is required @rgz from all of us.

    No she didn't. Perhaps one doesn't lose any chance/right to whine in an online forum. It's an infinite space where one can choose to whine as much as they want without being judged for one's realization of their mistake.
    Husband should decide this. It's his wish. Cannot be concluded that he won't. .
     
  4. rgz

    rgz Gold IL'ite

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    Mistake is when she stops on her own accord after realizing it. Read the thread from 1 year ago - she continued it, kept at the 'mistake' until when it boiled over and she got caught eventually. That is not going to evoke sympathy. Which is why he (hubby) lost trust and is having trust issues now.
     
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  5. mimi77

    mimi77 Gold IL'ite

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    I stopped on my own much before she sent those messages to my husband. This friend started contacting on SMS when he got blocked in WA. Both the wife and husband started contacting on SMS, email etc. It was difficult to stop communication and blocking and unblocking on WA kept happening... If we block one no they started contacting thru another no...
     
  6. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    The rest of what you said in your post is fair enough but the above is not entirely right. DH does not get to endlessly bring up the topic again and again. That is cruel. The DH on and off re-initiating social media contact with that guy is plain wrong.

    A marriage of 14 years and a kid in the picture. He should get his act straight sooner or later and try to put the past behind or make a clean cut.
     
    Sunshine04 likes this.
  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op....you cannot decide on the forgiveness part.
    He was wronged,he gets to decide how and when he is able to forgive....if ever.

    He is a good man and he should not have been wronged.

    That said.....this cannot go on like this.

    Next time he talks about seperation....ask him if he seriously wants that and and you are willing to sit with him and discuss it keeping the child in mind.
    Have a talk on the issue.
    If he wants to seperate...that is his call.
    He should either seperate or stop talking about it.

    If he does not want to seperate,then tell him you both need to attend marriage counselling to create a better living environment.Ask him what you can do on your part to regain the trust.


    Accept your fault at the counselling as far as this issue is concerned and work towards gaining his trust.

    Accept that you may never get his trust back and you may never get the relationship that you had prior to this episode. But you can make a new life with what you have . Trust is one important element of marriage,but not the only one.
     
  8. Angela123

    Angela123 Silver IL'ite

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    mimi,

    I am not here to judge you or point out what was done in the past. Let us look at the present. If you want to save your marriage, YOU have to work on it. Your husband is the angry one now, so it is your turn to be patient. Look at the big picture, and come up with some ideas to convince him that you will be faithful from now on. and stick to it. Learn from this, it is not worth it to entertain any exes even if it is marriage advice or anything like that. even if you don't think this is not unfaithfulness, may be your husband thinks so. May be he thinks about it like an insult. Think about from your side and see how long you would take to recover from something like this. May be he needs sometime. Talk to him. When talking, do not bring up anything on the ex. Keep away the talks like, he did, she did etc. Talk about how you are going to rectify the situation. Focus on action. I know this forum is very helpful and people as for recommendations and it is venue for a little bit venting too. A lot of our fellow ilites have given you fantastic advice. try to convince your husband that what you both have is much greater and better than anything else in the world. You might feel like you are taking the full responsibility for everything, and it might hurt the ego, but like I said look at the goal here. It is easy to fight and walk away, but it takes courage to apologize and make things right. Good Marriage is hard, but you know, it is worth living for.
     
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  9. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    who was unblocking??
     
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  10. rgz

    rgz Gold IL'ite

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    Yes - if blocked on phn (sms) and wa/emails... - and left it blocked - he cannot message on sms or wa? Who did the unblocking?
     
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